The Authentic Eclectic | #irantthereforeiam | October contest

Getting It Off My Chest

It was as cathartic as taking off my bra at the end of a long and hectic warm day!

“Oh, sure! Okay!”

My mom put the phone down and turned to look at me. I knew that expression. The I-know-you’re-going-to-be-mad-at-me-but-hear-me-out-first look.

As I returned her look sternly, assuming the worst, she started talking. I was not disappointed with my assumption.

Turned out that my aunt’s daughter, her in-laws, and their sons were visiting us and would be staying for a week. See, the longer that relationship string grew, the worse my premonition got.

For one thing, I hated that wing of the family. Yes, it was my mom’s sister’s family — the one I wasn’t fond of — and I had shit memories of them.

Throughout my childhood, every time they visited us (well, it was their grandmother’s house too!) I hated it. I think they also hated me for living with my grandma — and assumed she played favorites. Nothing was farther from the truth. Nevertheless, they gave me a hard time. Pinching me when no one was looking, stealing my stuff or breaking my toys, tearing my books. Ugh!

Even before their impending arrival, I dreaded their visit and could not wait for them to leave.

As we geared up, my mom laughed every time she saw me stare at the calendar and groan.

Look, I am nice to everyone; in fact, I have been accused of being too nice. But these people — they were truly the worst. This aunt had three sons and two daughters. They created such a ruckus when they were around. Demanding that things should be just so. Right from the first cup of coffee that was served in the morning (at 100 degrees C) to the steamed idlis served on their plate (should be literally steaming hot), to the side dishes –and every *&^% meal.

On top of that, they expected us to spend money on them. And they were high-maintenance. You know those types who want things they don’t need just because someone else is spending. I have often wondered if they forgot their purses at home when they came to visit. The arrogance, the taking for granted, the sense of entitlement, and the constant teasing — made me want to swing a spiked mace at them.

And? They always stole stuff when they left. Stuff we discovered was missing gradually. Oh gosh.

I recall once, I was planning to wear a particular saree and found the blouse that went with it, missing. During another visit when one of these cousins came home, she had the gall to wear it and flaunt it. When I asked her why she took it my folks actually had the audacity to scold me for asking her.

So anyway, back to the shitstorm — these people: this cousin, her husband, her in-laws (mil and fil), and her brother-in-law were descending on us for a week. Eek! People we had never met in our lives, except, of course, my cousin.

Which basically meant mom and I had to ensure we had enough bedding for them to sleep, buy groceries, cook for them, and do all that sh*t that goes into making guests comfortable. Hmph!

And I, I stealthily gathered all the stuff I did not want to be stolen, boxed them, and put them in the little attic we had. I wanted to lock some of our cupboards and closets but my mom just glared at me when I suggested that.

Doomsday

It should really have been a dark and stormy night, but that traitorous day dawned bright and clear as if to mock us.

Our guests arrived — all five of them.

They made themselves at home. Which basically meant they and their stuff was everywhere.

Suddenly our cozy and rather spic and span home had become a messy Liberty Hall. In an ambiance of mixed cheap perfumes that kept us in a state of constant headache.

The stream of steaming coffee serving began, followed by my mom and I getting busy in the kitchen. And mom being mom, said, “look at the silver lining, Vidya. They arrived during the weekend. Which means we didn’t have to take the day off work.” Seriously!

After lunch and clearing up, when we had a brief respite before the afternoon tea and snacks session, they wanted to know what we had planned for them.

Suddenly the week ahead looked ominously long. Fortunately, the city we lived in had plenty of sightseeing and I made an itinerary for them for three days, all the while thinking — who the eff descends on distant relatives for a week? Well, I had the answer to that.

The next day — Monday — dawned at 4 am for mom and me as we got busy in the kitchen, cooking, so we could pack picnic lunches for our guests, while they rose and shone at 7 am, to settle in the bathroom and toilet. Luckily our bathroom and toilet were separate. However, they seemed to be everywhere, dropping stuff, parking themselves, or nosing around.

The brother-in-law was so annoying. He couldn’t tear himself away from the mirror — constantly arranging his hair this way and that, posing, smiling at his reflection, and reciting movie dialogs where he was always the hero. But, of course.

We managed to finally pack the visitors off in a cab we’d booked for them and heaved a sigh of temporary relief at 9 am. Then hurriedly got ready to go to work, not before “making” the beds which meant folding and putting everything away and clearing the living room. What? We lived in a one-bedroom flat at the time, which was perfect for mom and me, and had not planned on having a group of frequent houseguests — yeah — these weren’t the only ones.

Anyway, after dropping mom off at her school on my scooter and promising to pick her up at lunchtime, I set off to work with a shopping list.

Around 2 pm, I picked mom up and we came home, to have a welcome cup of coffee and to plan the next couple of days. After much thought, I took the afternoon off and helped mom finish school work (paper corrections and whatnot) as we would get busy by evening when our guests came back. Oh yeah, I also swept and mopped, and scrubbed the bathrooms because when seven people use it, one has to.

At around 7 pm, our sightseers returned home, dumped their bags, and lounged around. We got busy, waiting on them, all the while listening to their whining. I tell you, they had the gift of ripping off the thickest silver lining in any situation and turning it into a complaint. I mean, who does that? Urgh!

We fed them dinner and settled them for the night after they watched TV for some time. The newlywed lovebirds coochie-cooed, oblivious to the rest of us. I couldn’t even tell them to get a room because, meh, they would expect me to arrange it for them.

Once the house quietened down, mom and I cleared up in the kitchen, whispering to ourselves about the next day’s schedule.

Tuesday and Wednesday were repeats of Monday.

I have to grudgingly admit that it was a relief that they were away for a few hours.

On Thursday, they decided to stay home. The thought terrified me.

So when I said they were nosy, think of the worst. They fiddled around with everything in our house. They messed with my miniature collections inside our living room showcase. They’d open cupboards, inspect them and leave them open. And of course, later, we discovered that they had helped themselves to things they fancied. I mean, I couldn’t always keep an eye on them. And my cousin? She wanted to try on some of my clothes.

Yeah!

On the day they were due to leave when they woke up, the brother-in-law knocked over the tiny succulent plant collection that I had displayed on a corner table. This I found out not right away, but after they left. As I looked around, appreciating the silence, I suddenly felt something was missing. My bright little corner was now a pile of soil which they had hastily pushed to the corner. Grr!

And oh, they demanded all kinds of eats for the journey and thereafter, which we made and packed before sending them on their way.

However, our ordeal wasn’t complete. Three days later, we received a large envelope. It had their trip sheets and their cab bills. Which we paid.

A little later, I found out they had made off with an envelope of cash I kept under my clothes. Don’t judge. We had small salaries and were still saving like that.

To this day, every time I think of this whole fiasco, my blood boils over. Much more has happened since that day — and yet, that week is scarred into my consciousness.

I felt as though I deserved an award when I attended a family function a couple of years ago and met all of them — the entire family. The family that had milked us of all things valuable . . . had not bothered to invite us to any of the weddings and other stuff — behave as though nothing had happened.

I played along. Of course, in my mind, I marveled at someone’s ability to do that. No shame, no remorse at everything they’d done. The people they hurt. Moving along as if the world was created to serve them.

And yesterday, one of them called. Chatted as if nothing had ever happened.

I played along.

Because I really don’t have the energy to waste on grudges and grievances. I believe that Karma does take care of balancing the world. My mother would be so proud of me.

And as for those of you wondering why the eff we put up with all that nonsense, I have no answer. I come from a household that welcomes guests and lets them stay for as long as they want. It never even occurred to us to say NO. I have learned to, since, in my 50s. In my 20s, with my kind-hearted mom, it wasn’t an option.

Also, did we learn our lesson from our experience? Nope.

That’s all.

I am not even sure if this post qualifies as a rant, but this is as close as I can get. I usually don’t rant but . . .I realized those who say they don’t are truly liars. Also, Alison did say get it off your chest. Excellent advice, thank you. Emotional baggage is the heaviest to carry.

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