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How to Be a Good Girl

Just don’t be a woman

I watched a series on Netflix a while ago — Ratched.

I rarely watch the telly, but I was super keen to check this one out. It looked like a macabre, fantasy-orientated serial killer kinda cult classic. Who could resist?

What I found was the polar opposite, and I ended up binge-watching the entire season in a couple of days. Research, ya know.

It’s beautifully filmed with outstanding cinematography and sets. Old school 80s cult overly composed art nouveau and, with the minimal elegance that only digital can pull off. Kinda Lynch meets Parker meets Kubrick. Loved it for this alone. But the storyline and characters were what really got me hooked.

The eye-opening female leads. They were something, alright!

Are you talkin’ about me?

Can we talk about ideals of attractiveness and worth, please?

No main characters under the age of aged in Ratched. That alone is rare, huh?

I recently commented to my daughter, that I know I’m getting old because leading roles on screen now seem unconvincingly young to me. I am, in fact, almost old enough to be their mother.

This realization originally scared the hell out of me. Now, I incredulously mutter to myself, “No way a person that young could be in a corporate position of that level, or be that well-groomed.” Kids in classics. Only Garbo dressed like that and only when she was Garbo. Who are they kidding?

Twenty-somethings in three thousand dollar suits, in ivory towers on top glass floors. Running magazines. Whistle-blowing. Leading flying squads into uncharted territory. Looking gorgeous while they do it. Great fun, but perhaps it’s setting the bar a bit too high for us mortals. When I was a lass… yet still, somehow I bought into it by osmosis. Only the beautiful are successful.

And youth has become synonymous with beauty.

The main cast

Faces I grew up with, with little aesthetic cosmetic work apparent which was pretty bizarre and somewhat disturbing on its own. We don’t see this on screen much anymore. Everyone has been touched up. Fixed up. Surgically enhanced. But here they were, like old friends I hadn’t seen for ages, accidentally bumped into. The passing of time is noticeable on their faces. It seriously brought home, that this is happening to me as well, whether I like it or not.

I’ve been able to avoid this inevitable truth, because my eyes are fucked.

If I don’t wear my glasses, I can pretty much avoid it by simply not seeing it in the mirror. But looking at these classic artists on screen, was like looking into a mirror despite my best efforts at denial.

My options were to ignore The Now, or observe it. I chose the latter. I’ve discovered (the hard way), this is a quicker way to learn.

As the series progressed, what had initially seemed mildly shocking and slightly grotesque, became incredibly attractive and even fuckin’ sexy. They were real. And I liked them. Even the ones I didn’t like.

What is a woman?

Strong women. Unique women. Powerful women. Messed up women. Women with goals. Women with bad ideas. Women with intelligence. Women who were badasses in the most unapologetic way. Love scenes with no make-up and not-even-sex, that were more intimate than anything that I’ve clocked on-screen in past years.

Human beings with female parts. (see what I did there?)

I’ve spent most of my life thinking I may be gay, purely because I loathe being treated like a woman. I loathe being expected to behave like a woman. I loathe being expected to only handle the tasks allocated to women. And I loathe being told to not do the stuff that men get to do.

What an utter load of bullshit.

I suspect it’s the same for some of the men out there.

No. I know it is the same for some of the men out there.

How does a good woman behave, in the world I was raised in, you may wonder? I suspect many of you who have boobs and a vagina, won’t wonder at all.

Good girls are nice

Good girls are submissive and compliant. Good girls are smart but not too smart. Good girls are pretty. Good girls behave themselves and don’t cause a ruckus. Good girls cook, clean and take care of the kids. Now while they work for less pay in the same positions as men, take care of the majority of the home admin and cover at least half of those expenses as well. Good girls acquiesce. A lot!

Good girls don’t complain, because “boys will be boys”, y’know?

Good girls aren’t sluts, right? Only sluts enjoy sex so please… don’t. And if you do, don’t tell anyone ffs.

Good girls don’t tell badly behaved men off ’cause only Bitches and Dykes do that.

Good girls don’t cause a scene.

Good girls smile, even when they should not.

Men want that and you wanna be wanted by men, because that’s your impending job. Your intrinsic value. Old school still, despite whatever not-really-education we’ve had on gender equality. This somehow remains. Our worth is defined by how much men want us. How desirable we are to them.

If we aren’t desirable, we’re a failure.

If we can’t be married off, we’ll be an unnecessary concern forever.

And a “spinster” is a terrible thing to be on top of it all.

Isn’t it?

During the late Middle Ages, married tradeswomen had an easier time obtaining higher-status, higher-income work than their unmarried peers. Unmarried women ended up with lower-status, lower-income jobs like combing, carding, and spinning wool — hence “spinster.” (www.merriam-webster.com)

Be a wife

So be a wife or you’re defective. Be a mother or you’re defective. Be a fucking good girl, or you’ll make everyone uncomfortable, and good girls make people feel comfortable, even if it means they’re anything but comfortable themselves.

By the way… don’t even become a spinster because good girls aren’t ambitious. That’s unfeminine. They aren’t powerful. That’s also masculine. Good girls don’t even fart for fuck’s sake, So reign all of yourself in, and just be a good fucking girl.

And stay pretty, please. Good girls are pretty, remember?

When you get old, please be even quieter. Or retire and disappear, so you don’t mess with the illusion. Good girls don’t get old. They don’t get wrinkles or hair in all the wrong places. They aren’t supposed to have hair in many places anyway. That’s not feminine either. In fact, don’t be a woman.

Just be a good girl.

I’m thrilled to my I’m-too-fucking-old-to-care unpainted toenails that actual real, human women hit my screen, with so much flouting of all these gender stereotypes, and totally stole the show. Up close, bad-assed, wrinkled, interesting, strong, scary as fuck and sexy as hell. They were magnificent and I wanna be like them when I grow up.

We need more of this, please.

Our young women need more of this, please.

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