POETRY

slow the fuck down

…

where ya runnin’ to so hard? and whatcha runnin’ from anyways?

is it the noise in ya head so loud ya forgot to listen to yaself instead?

what’s that bangin’ endless drummin’ in ya skull? so hard ya can’t even

sit still

did ya forget where ya was goin’ ’cause ya got scared an’ stuck in flight?

now ya can’t stop for a minute and just breathe

for a while

ya can’t outrun yaself the past, the present

nor the fear

ya can’t hide from it neither hopin’ it’ll disappear

so slow the fuck down why dontcha?

in fact just stop and sit with it

for a while and stare right into the void of that muthafucker’s eye

until it weakly subsides

put a funny hat on it dress it up in carny gear with all those bells and whistles they shoulda gave ta You

here the dissonant music of the fair

can ya hear that cacophony ain’t even your own orchestra?

it never was

point at it with your middle finger if you must fucking laugh at it out loud an’ tell it

straight up!

ya don’t scare me and fuck off anyway why dontcha?

that tune is gettin’ old

and it never was a part of my playlist

you don’t belong there

”You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

Adverse childhood experiences can result in PTSD & C-PTSD. A person left with this relational or developmental trauma, may have an overly stressed nervous system response which sends their system into fight/flight mode unnecessarily.

This can display as anti social behaviour (fight), anxiety (flight), co-dependence (fawn), or depression (freeze).

Learning to sit and observe the physical sensations that arise during these flashbacks/fight-flight episodes, and allowing the original memories to arise with curious detachment, will process the trauma and reduce the “triggers” over time.

Take it slowly. The only way out is straight on through. There is nothing to be afraid of.

And there is nothing “wrong” with you.

Thanks for your reading time

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