How to Be a Better You — By Being You
The value of getting rid of self-comparative thoughts
In an earlier article, I talked about the benefits of doing a cleanup of your junk drawer, closet, and your living environment. The effects of decluttering is a good thing. Don’t forget the other areas of your life. What habits and thoughts have you been clinging onto that no longer serve you? How about getting rid of self-comparative thoughts? They don’t add to your life so let them go.
I wonder how many times you didn’t set a goal because you felt you’d never achieve it anyway. How many times have you seen a well-to-do person and thought how it would be nice to be in their situation? The “Us vs. Them” mentality is an unhealthy path to follow. It subconsciously feeds a message that wealth is for “Someone else”. How many times have you avoided looking into a mirror because you felt you might not like the person you’d see looking back at you? An often unseen fact is that while it’s easy to wish for another’s circumstances, unless you know them personally, you don’t know their story.
The Stereotypist and the Good
There are people that want to compare your value to those around them. Let me tell you: The world is full of knuckleheads, but they don’t have to drive you or define you. The world is also full of wonderful, loving, supportive people. Hang out with the good ones and your internal dialog will naturally become positive and empowering.
Some time ago, I had a coaching client in California. A talented woman, full of creativity. She often felt less capable than the established professionals in her industry. Even though she is a successful movie producer, she allowed the comparative talk to take root and taint her own self view. In her professional environment, people around them live by comparison. Their worth is measured by their appearance, cars they drive, neighborhood, social activity and income.
While all those success factors can be positive, they won’t serve a person if having those things brings them to the gutter of comparison. During our sessions together, she learned that successful living begins with her own self-value and the ability to appreciate others. She recognized that she focused too much energy on other people’s ego. The mental spin-cycle of self-comparison minimized her ability to keep moving her own career and life. Today, she’s no longer hamstrung by the “Good ole boy” network that tried to define her.
As a person who lives by faith, I know this: God does not make mistakes and you are not a mistake. You are a well-planned work of art. When comparative thoughts hold you back. Fire them. Give them permission to leave. Sure we all can change and adapt and tweak our lives for the better. But starting today, begin focusing on who you will be. You don’t have room for negative thoughts tossed your way by others.
The Effects of Self-Comparison
When you focus on comparing yourself to others, you incorporate the dreaded skill of worry into your life. “What do others think of me? Am I too tall, too short, too heavy, too thin? Am I seen as smart and successful, or average without proficiency? Am I seen as attractive, or plain?”
Who do YOU want to be… and WHY? It’s great if you want to make positive life changes because YOU want that for your life. If you’re doing it because you feel you’ll suddenly become accepted for looking and acting a certain way, then you are wrong. Those people are probably not worth the effort if their standard is you conforming to THEIR wants.
I hate to break the news to you but… the world is so busy focusing on themselves that they don’t have time to think about you. Dolly Parton said, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”
Turn off the worry. It changes your focus so you apply your energies on becoming someone else. All the while, you’re not focusing on being YOUR best you.
“Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?” — Danielle LaPorte
When you apply your time and energies to meeting unreachable standards that you’ve created in your mind, you take your goals and potential, and toss them in the garbage disposal. Steve Jobs said, “Our time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”
Self-comparison evaporates internal satisfaction, leaving a person believing the lie that they are not good enough. When a person gets on the treadmill attempting to meet some comparative standard, they’ll never catch up. In the same way that clothing, music and hairstyles change, the external comparison of attempting to be like someone else also becomes unreachable.
More Popular Articles by Anthony M. Davis
⭐️ About Anthony M. Davis
Anthony M. Davis is a Leadership, Success & Stress Coach, Board Certified Therapist, and Top-100 International Travel Photographer. His free book, “Keys to Your Success” is available now.
