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How To Be A Better Partner (Than Your Partner)

5 Ways to Become the Better Half

Let’s be honest. Relationships are competitions and you don’t play to lose. You want to win and rub it in your partner’s smug face.

Want to be a better partner….than your partner?

Here are my top 5 ways to become “The Better Half” (yes, that is the title you are competing for).

These tips work best if you already live with your partner.

If not, extra bonus points if you propose moving in together first.

1. Complete Chores When They Are Around

You want to make just the right amount of noise to be heard but not so much that it sounds like you are resentful.

Even if they don’t come into the room, they’ll know exactly what task you are completing.

How? Maybe it’s the sound of the vacuum cleaner. Maybe it’s a gentle clashing of the dishes as you put them away.

Every chore has its unique sound, make sure you let it shine and let it be heard.

If they walk in on you completing a chore, greet them with a loving smile and stop what you are doing for a second. Check and mate!

You’ll also want to grunt a little when you are lifting something remotely heavy to show efforts.

And make sure to do one of those awkward back stretches where you put your hands on your hips and arch backwards. This will display the toll the chores have taken on your fragile yet capable body.

Advanced variation: You are ideally mid chore by the time they walk into the room. It implies you have been doing chores for much longer than you have.

In reality, you were just paying close attention to their footsteps or watching the CCTV before they get to the door.

2. Avoid The Temptation Of Assistance

A decent partner will ask if you want some help. If they do, you let them know that they have been so hard working recently (even if they haven’t), so you wanted to contribute the little you can.

We have managed to secure double points on a single task. Effectiveness at its finest. Tim Ferriss would be proud.

If they don’t ask if you need help, then it’s pretty clear they are the worse partner, right? Why are you even reading this guide? Dump them and find some real competition, OK?

3. Listen When They Talk About Their Boring Day

Yes, I know. You just want to tell them about your day.

You don’t really want to hear about theirs. I get it.

But fight that urge my friend, you are playing to win.

Ask them how their day went, then shut up for ten seconds.

Listen to what they have to say. Pick up some key words and repeat them back as questions so they know you are listening and want more details.

Here is an example conversation:

Partner: “There was a person dressed as a dinosaur threatening the cashiers at the supermarket today”

You: “The supermarket?”

Partner: “Yeah, security had use their tasers to subdue the dinosaur before dragging them into the carpark”

You: “oh wow, the carpark? Must have been a big supermarket if they had a car park, right?”

Did you notice what happened there? We showed our partner that we paid attention!

I bet you can taste almost victory.

4. Look For Selfless Ways To Solve Their Problems

The less relevant it is to you, the better.

These are pure acts of love.

Maybe your partner is trying to lose weight and they don’t want your help.

You could help them achieve their goals in secret by doing a number of things:

• Water down their sodas like the kind bar staff and fast food restaurants.
• Selflessly eat all the snacks in the house (i.e. sacrificing your own body for the benefit of theirs).
• Tell them there is an emergency and their life is in danger (technically: it is from obesity) but you don’t have time to explain any of it. In order to avoid catastrophe they need to run around the park 5 times. You spontaneously do this 3 times a week.

In the end, your partner will know who the real hero is. And you might just realise, all they wanted to achieve was relative weight loss (relative to you).

5. Don’t Keep Score

What?!? You think I’m crazy. What was the whole point of the above?

I know, I know. But hear me out.

That’s what relationships are all about.

You’re not supposed to keep score. Well, at least not on the whiteboard for everyone to see.

It’s about respect and balance.

To be “The Better Half”, you need to know that.

Yes, I played you and I’m not sorry.

Let’s be honest.

You knew when you clicked on this article that you weren’t “The Better Half”.

You thought I was going to show you how to rub it in your partners face. But instead, I outed you as “The Worse Half”, the title you truly deserve.

Don’t actually want to be the better partner but still want to seem like it? Show your partner the spreadsheet you’ve been keeping and make sure to send a copy to their parents. That’ll show them.

Anyways, my partner has just come home and it’s time to put the dishes away ;)

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