How to Avoid Being a Victim of Sexualized Behaviors

Men sexualize women, yet women get shamed for being sexual.

I was about seven years old when I got molested by a relative of mine. He would stop by our house after his afternoon pastoral duty. My mum was cooking, so I was left alone with him on the balcony. He carried me on his laps with my back resting on his chest while preaching to me.

A few minutes later, I started feeling uncomfortable. Then I noticed he was rubbing his dick on my lower back. I got up quickly and wanted to go inside, but he held me back. I tried to run, but his grip was firm. I stood there struggling to get away from him until my mum called me inside, only for her to send me downstairs to go bring up some vegetables from the garden.

I was so scared that I ran down the stairs as fast as possible, hoping to get back up, so he doesn’t meet me downstairs. There would have been no saving me from whatever he had in mind.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t fast enough. I caught him waiting for me at the staircase. I walked back to the bottom of the stairs. He stood above the final flight, pulls out his dick, and beckons to me to come touch it.

I was terrified. Shocked that a close relative was exposing me to such immorality. I shook my head, tearing up and frightened. Then I heard my mum call my name from the balcony. She probably got worried because I was taking too long.

The fake ass preacher tucked in his dick back and left. I gave him distance apart, making sure his hands wouldn’t touch me if he stretched as he made his way to the gate.

I was seven, for God’s sake, and he was in his thirties. It was my first experience with sexualized behavior. Still, after thirty years, I can’t shake off the terror from that experience.

I try to shield my daughter from sexual abuse. I have had to turn down dates I feel can expose my daughter to harm’s way. I still find it difficult to bring my dates home, at least until my daughter moves to campus.

I see and hear stories of teenagers being raped by their father or close relatives, and I wonder what has become of this world. Why are adults so undisciplined and can’t see the trauma they cause on these teenagers.

The world is cruel. Our girls need to stop playing the victim game. When boys are abused, they are told to man up and suck it in, but girls are blamed for attracting the abuse and being dramatic about it.

If you are criticized for how you dress, body shamed, catcalled, or molested verbally or physically; you should know it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t let these experiences define you.

Sign of sexualized behavior

As sickening as it may sound, most parents contribute to their children’s trauma. Some fathers feel uncomfortable seeing their eight-year-old daughter in shorts or braless around the house. I’ve heard how a father of a nine-year-old literally slaps her bum each time she’s walking in front of him.

Or the mother who ignores sexual comments from her brother when he said her ten-year-old girl has the perfect body for playboys. Few months later, the girl gets raped by her uncle. And what’s worst is most time, these kids are chastised for speaking up about their sexual assaults.

If our children are repeatedly molested at home by their parents or relatives, how can we protect them from outsiders? If our children are shamed for wearing what they want at home, how can they be comfortable in themselves?

It’s gross to say a 6-year-old looks hot. It’s disgusting to tell an eleven-year-old to suck your dick. It’s rude to compliment a child’s boobs, private parts, or any other part of their body.

You are a pervert if you are turned on by a 5-year-olds leg in a mini skirt. If you think it is inappropriate for your 13-year-old son’s dick to bulge out from his pants, then you are a psycho and need medical help.

Protection against inappropriate sexualized behaviors

It doesn’t matter how evolved civilization spreads. One thing that won’t change is sexual abuse. As a mother, I worry for young lives. I try to create a healthy boundary with my daughter. I want her to be free to discuss anything with me.

I will not be there to protect her 24 hours a day, but I want to be confident that she can. I teach my daughter what to do to avoid inappropriate sexualized behaviors, and I hope these techniques help your children too.

Don’t engage in immoral habits

We all get caught up with the “I” mentality such as “I want what I want,” “I deserve to be happy,” or “I deserve to have this or that.” But we often forget we can’t always get what we want. What we want and what we need are different.

It is wrong for a ten-year-old to want to look sexy. It is wrong for an eight-year-old to imitate things that adults do sexually. It is wrong to allow your 5-year-old to watch their older sibling undress.

Some time ago, I watched a Facebook video where a 13-year-old maid was sucking a three-year-old boy’s dick while bathing him. After, she let the small boy finger her.

I have also seen cases where a girl was molested by her neighbor when she went over to their place and joined her friend’s elder brother in watching porn.

As parents, when you notice your kids speak indecently or exhibit inappropriate sexualized behaviors, don’t pass it off as a phase. Caution them immediately in a non-shaming way because they will often exhibit these habits in front of abusers.

You should speak calmly and avoid using offense words such as “nasty” or “naught” so the child doesn’t feel embarrassed. You may scare them from discussing topics related to their body or sex in the future.

Know when a touch or speech is inappropriate

Children don’t understand modesty and boundaries until they are taught. For example, it’s inappropriate for a 5-year-old to put his hand in his pants in a public place. When you notice that, in a quiet tone, tell him it is wrong to do that in front of people, especially not outside the house.

Children play with their body parts all the time. You should be observant when they do so in front of people and correct them immediately. Let them know there are boundaries as to who and who shouldn’t touch their body.

Teach them how to respond when someone touches them inappropriately. My friend told me how his five-year-old daughter scolded him for mistakenly brushing her breast while he was dressing her up. Teach your children when to say no and walk away from inappropriate sexualized behaviors.

Report any inappropriate behavior immediately

When I was sexualized at seven, I told my elder sister when she got back home. I didn’t tell my mum because she’s not easy to talk to about sexual stuff. I don’t know what my sister did, but I never saw the bastard again, not in our house and not on the road.

When you keep silent about sexual indiscretion, the abuser gets the feeling you liked it and want more. So report them immediately. Tell your grandparents, community or church leaders, or the police, even if your parents don’t believe you. Don’t keep quiet until the abuser is confronted.

My dad once said to me that “shame has no knife or gun yet it kills.” Don’t die in silence. Don’t let your pride box you into feeling ashamed of being sexually assaulted. It’s not your fault that we have monsters walking in human clothing. It’s not your fault that the heart of man is deceitful.

A disciplined man or woman guides their heart with principles. They have a conscience and know what is right or wrong. Don’t blame yourself and act like a victim. You are not responsible for other people’s behavior so protect yourself from everyone.

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