avatarEmma Austin


How to (Actually) Flirt With Your Wife

And finally get laid

Photo by: HBRH / Shutterstock

She really doesn’t put out like she used to.

You’ll go weeks without seeing her naked. Not even an accidental glimpse at her areola when she’s changing sweaters in front of you.

She used to go down on you like she was giving your dick CPR, now you’re lucky if her lips even graze your shaft.

The bedroom isn’t where the magic happens anymore. Now it’s the place where she nudges you awake because you’re snoring too loudly.

And that’s can be pretty frustrating because you haven’t lost interest in her one bit.

Years after you married her, you still get the urge to bend her over and pull up her dress. You still daydream about kissing her neck while feeling her up. Just thinking about giving her every single inch you’ve got is enough to make you rock hard.

But getting between her legs is tougher than it’s ever been. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t crack the code to her invisible chastity belt.

And if you’re like most married men, it’s probably because you’re not flirting with her the right way.

Most guys think they’re doing just fine in that department, but it’s because they don’t realize that married flirting and dating flirting are way two very different things. And trying to date-flirt your way into a married woman’s pants isn’t going to get you very far.

At the start of your relationship, you were flirting on easy mode. Everything was still so new and exciting. You barely had to do anything to get her going because getting to know you was a big part of the thrill.

Whenever you put the moves on her, she was already halfway wet just because you were paying attention to her. So you got to fuck her practically whenever you wanted. Every date night ended with the kind of action you’d see in a half-decent amateur porn clip.

Then you settled down, got married, and now most weeks you’d be lucky to get a half-distracted handjob.

That’s not because she can’t be bothered anymore. She probably just needs some proper seduction to get in the mood.

She needs you to make her feel cute and sexy. She wants you to get her all hot and bothered. She wants to feel the way she used to when you were first together.

But she’s struggling to get there, because you’re still trying to flirt on easy mode. You’re pulling all your old moves and wondering why they’re not working the way they used to.

Most married couples end up in that place sooner or later. But there’s a way out of it.

There’s a good chance you could be getting laid more often and have plenty of fun, dirty sex with the love of your life. You just need to get a little more creative with your flirting so it has the same effect it used to.

I’m going to let you in on my best tips for doing just that. Because if you’re sexually frustrated, she probably is too. And I want you and your wife to have all the hot and horny action you can handle.

Change Your Definition of Flirting

There’s a trend I keep noticing.

Wives complain that their husbands don’t flirt with them anymore.

Meanwhile husbands are confused because they’re convinced they flirt all the damn time.

And I’m sure they’re right about that. I’m sure they get flirty on the regular. The problem is they have a different idea of what flirting means.

Easy mode flirting is quick and direct.

It’s spending a bit of time together and escalating your conversation into a sexual direction. It’s showing her just how badly you want to fuck her. It’s putting the moves on her to let her know you’re down to clown — all she has to do is tell you to fetch the red nose and rainbow wig.

But the kind of flirting she wants isn’t nearly that fast.

And it’s less about the moves you put on her and more about the way you treat her overall. It’s not showing her you want sex so much as making her feel safe, sexy, and open.

It’s not a few perfect lines that will instantly melt her panties off. It’s flirting that can stretch out for days — and slowly melt her panties off.

Married flirting isn’t just a way to check in with her and see if she’d be down to jump your bone. It’s more like laying the groundwork so she’s eager to hop on it herself.

So, the first thing you have to do is reframe how you think about flirting. Because if you think that the right moves will get you an instant ticket to motorboating her tits, you’re going to end up doing it all wrong.

Show Your Gratitude

Alright, I know that doesn’t sound super sexy. But trust me, it’s a big step to tapping that wifely ass.

Because look, you love each other and that’s a big deal. I’m not knocking it at all — married love is cozy and comforting and I wouldn’t get rid of it for the hottest piece of strange in the world.

But feeling loved isn’t the same as feeling appreciated.

And that’s often what’s missing. Because lots of women feel like their husbands take them for granted.

That means she doesn’t feel seen. If she doesn’t feel seen, there’s no way she can feel desirable. And if she doesn’t feel desirable, then you’ll have a really tough time turning her on.

So make sure you show that you appreciate her in all sorts of ways.

Thank her for all the little things she does for you. Even if you split all the chores fifty-fifty or whatever, acknowledge the help you get from her.

Same with all the little thoughtful gestures she does for you. Call them out and thank her for them. Even if she does the same damn thing every week, make it clear that you’re grateful for it. If she’s being sweet to you, you should be making her feel like a good girl for it.

Praise her for the effort she puts into her appearance, too. If she’s going out of her way to look good, she’ll want you to at least notice. And if you don’t, you’re missing a big opportunity to make her feel attractive.

So tell her that you love the way her tight jeans hug her hips. Tell her how hot she is after she spent a bunch of time getting dolled up in front of the mirror. If she did something cute with her hair, say something about it.

In general, just show her that you’re grateful to be with her. Because married life is mostly routine, and that can make her feel like a fixture that you enjoy but don’t really pay much attention to. But that’s how you should feel about your heat pump, not your hot MILFy wife.

And it’s not really about how much you appreciate her. It’s about how well you show it.

I’ve got a husband who thinks plenty of nice things about me — but keeps them to himself. And let me tell you, I feel so much better about myself, about him, and about us when he actually says those things out loud. So make sure you’re doing that.

Expressing your gratitude isn’t going to get you season passes to pound town. But you won’t even get to line up at the gate unless you’ve got this part down.

Keep Dating Her

Dating her is how you nailed her down — and nailed her over and over again.

And if you don’t want the nailing to stop, you’ve got to keep on dating her.

Which really just means finding ways to make her feel special.

Like, plan a fun date night with her every once in a while.

Buy her flowers out of the blue — no reason other than you thought she’d like them.

Get her some of her favorite snacks while you’re out.

Stay present with her and really listen when she’s talking to you.

It doesn’t have to be big, grand gestures. Just small things that show her that she’s on your mind when she’s not around, that you’re still paying close attention to what she says and what she wants, and that you’re still excited by her.

Give Her the Right Kind of Compliments

Even if she doesn’t have a praise kink, you can absolutely woo your lady with sweet talk.

And if she does happen to get off on praise, well then you better get really good at it.

Most husbands still dish out the compliments. And since you’re trying to schmooze your way into giving her a healthy dose of Vitamin D, chances are you’re even laying it on thick.

Which is really good, honestly — as long as you’re sweet talking her the right way.

Giving her generic compliments probably got you somewhere back when you were still feeling butterflies for each other, but those get old real fast.

Like the first few times you told her she’s hot, it was really meaningful. It made her feel attractive. It made her feel wanted. It made her feel warm in all the right places.

But years into this shindig, it’s just one of your stock compliments. She’s heard you say it a thousand times, so it doesn’t hit the same way anymore. It barely hits at all, really.

When you’re married, basic compliments don’t get you very far. Instead, you should be giving her compliments that are detailed and specific.

Don’t tell her she looks good — tell her exactly what made you want to compliment her. The curve of her waist that makes her irresistible. The cute way she scrunches her nose when she’s acting shy. How hard it is not to stare when she’s wearing one of her tight sweaters.

Make sure you’re not just complimenting her appearance, though. Because that’s going to make her feel like you only see part of her — the part you can spy with your eyeballs.

When you’re always commenting on her appearance, it also gives your compliments too much of a sexual tone. Like you’re really angling for something specific — something that involves getting her out of that tight sweater.

So say nice things about her personality, like how great it is that she’s completely honest and candid — even when it would be convenient for her to tell a white lie.

Admire her skills, like how she’s so good at organizing and decorating that she can even make a stuffed storage closet look nice.

Point out her charming little quirks, like how adorable it is that she overpronounces certain words or how she bites one side of her lip when she’s concentrating.

Those might not seem like much, but they’ll get you way further than just telling her she’s hot and has an ass that won’t quit.

Make Her Feel Smart

Banter is a really big part of flirting, but it’s something a lot of guys really struggle with.

Especially the guys who think they’re really good at it.

Because lots of them think it’s like a verbal version of flexing their pecs and biceps. They try to show off how clever they can be. They try to tease and be funny. They boast, they brag, they act as cool as they can manage.

And then they jack off in the bathroom before heading to bed, because none of it made her want to hike up her skirt for a quickie.

That’s because banter that’s one-sided isn’t banter at all — it’s just rambling.

To give her the kind of flirting that will make her want your face between her legs, you have to give her the opportunity to flirt back with you. And that means giving her plenty of material to work with.

Ask her questions instead of doing all the talking. Be interested in her — you might be married, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop being curious about her. Pay close attention when she’s speaking so you can pick up on her jokes instead of letting them slip by. Give her some room to tease you.

If you pull it off, it’s going to create some strong chemistry between the two of you. And if you play your cards right, that good conversational chemistry can turn into some intense physical chemistry.

But bantering is also about making her feel good about herself.

When you’re giving her enough to work with, she has plenty of opportunities to say something smart, to be clever, and to show you her playful side. She gets to be the best version of herself, and there’s a real rush that comes from that. It will make her feel loose and comfortable, too.

If you’re the one who brings that out in her, she’ll pin all those good feelings on you. And then you’ll have way more opportunities to bang her clever brains out.

So yeah, you could tell her she’s smart, fun, and all that great stuff. But giving her the opportunity to actually show you that side of herself is going to excite her way more. Because it’s actually going to make her feel more attractive and fuckable.

And the more fuckable you make her feel, the more she’ll want to try all her favorite porn positions with you.

Get Dirty — But Get the Timing Right

Alright, so you laid out a bunch of lovey dovey groundwork. You got her a few thoughtful gifts. You made her feel smart and sexy. You complimented her like the big sweetheart you are.

Now it’s time to get dirty.

Not time to fuck her, though. Not yet. But time to ease into some more overtly sexual flirting.

Because if your wife is like most married women, she really wants to be sexualized. She craves the feeling of being wanted. She wants you to stare at her ass when she’s reaching for something on a tall shelf. She wants you to have distracting daydreams about spanking her.

What she doesn’t want is to feel like you’re just using her to get off. Or that you want to fuck her because she’s the most convenient option.

She wants you to really, sincerely want her. And dirty flirting won’t make her feel that way unless you’ve been doing all the other stuff too.

But once you make her feel special and appreciated, then you can let her know she’s driving your dick wild.

So get in a good flirty groove, then start dishing out the horny compliments.

Tell her how badly you want to bend her over the kitchen counter and fuck her. Tell her how hard she’s making you with all her teasing. Tell her what you’ll do to her when you get her all to yourself. Tell her how lucky you are to have a wife with legs like hers.

As long as you’re not overdoing it or letting the sexual compliments overshadow the G-rated ones, showing her how badly you want her is going to make her want your body as much as you want hers.

Be All Talk

Alright, this is it — the ultimate move.

This is the one that separates the cocky fuckbois from the men who really know how to flirt. It’s the big difference between a husband who’s desperate for sex and one who makes her desperate for it.

It’s why some husbands still get to pound it on the regular while others keep posting on Reddit asking if there are any nutritional supplements that could make their wives horny.

And it’s simple, too.

You just have to be all talk.

At first, anyway. Eventually, you’re going to want to back up all your dirty talk with some real action. You can’t promise that you’ll make her come so hard she’ll temporarily go blind but then barely go down on her.

You’re still heading in that direction, but you’re going to be real chill about it.

You have to just let the flirting be flirting, not rush through it so you can get to the part where you’re coming on her stomach.

You have to show her how badly you want to fuck her, but be hands off enough so she has time to get there too.

Instead of getting her to the point where she might be okay with an X-rated massage, let her fantasize about it until she’s practically ready to beg you to touch her.

Because yes, she wants to know that you’d love to rip all her clothes off. She wants to know you’d drop everything just to fuck her in the shower. And she loves the thought that you’d pull out all your charms just for a shot at feeling her soft lips around your firm cock.

But the thrill goes away the moment she feels like you’re pushing her into it.

So if you really want to get laid, you’ll have to show some restraint.

Let her enjoy all the flirting without expecting any kind of action out of it. Make it so she can feel comfortable and let her guard down with you, instead of acting like a horndog who’s been let off his leash every time you’ve done something nice for her. Give her a chance to fantasize about all the different ways you could fuck her instead of rushing to undo your pants as soon as she gives you a yellow light.

That’s how you keep a married woman interested in sex. You’re all talk when it’s time to flirt — and when it’s time to fuck, you show her that you can back it up.

Turn the Heat Back On

The bad news is you probably can’t turn your loving wife into the sexbot of your dreams.

She probably won’t blow you at your whims, get on her hands and knees for you every night, or turn into a buttstuff junkie who always wants it in every hole.

But if you start flirting with her a whole lot more, you’ve got a good chance at lots of really fun sex. Maybe some occasional assplay, too.

Because lots of married women still have plenty of interest in sex. They just need something to fire them up.

It could be a hormonal boost after getting on some new meds. It could be some random crush. It could be an addiction to disturbingly hardcore erotic novels.

But it could also be you.

All you have to do is hit on her the right way. Make her feel safe and loved. Make her feel special and fuckable. Show her that you’re all horned up for her without making her feel an ounce of pressure to do anything about it.

If you can do that, she’s way more likely to spread her legs for you — and do it eagerly.

So go ahead, sweet talk her ear off and tease her until her pulse gets quicker. If you play it right, she’ll want you to fuck her just as badly as you do.

If you liked this article, you should totally check out the How to Be an Okay Husband (Leading, Praising, and Begging for Forgiveness) episode of my dirty and intimate sex podcast, Pillow Talk With Emma Austin!

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