How to Act Big When People Make You Feel Small

Don’t shrink to match their opinion

Even if you’re a well-rounded individual — and I don’t mean you’ve eaten all the pies — there will be occasions when people make you feel ‘less than’ and knock your sense of self off kilter.

That niggling feeling of inadequacy in your stomach stems from the recognition you’re under attack.

At these times, you might interpret such feelings as signs your antagonist is right and you are inadequate.

You will feel small and want the ground to swallow you to relieve your humiliation and shame.

As the gnawing in your belly increases, you’re likely to get confused, and may even half agree you need to improve. Afterward, you’ll feel guilty because, deep down, you know they are wrong.

Sound familiar?

Couldn’t you just kick yourself for not standing your ground?

One reason you are insecure can be put down to how invested you are in your relationship with the individual in question. After all, if you don’t care what the other person thinks of you, their opinion won’t bother you.

If, for instance, a stranger shouts “you’re stupid” as they pass by, you won’t burst into tears. You’ll just think the individual is an idiot.

When someone you know insults your intelligence, however, your reaction is different. You’re invested in the relationship, and what they say matters to you.

You want the people you see regularly to approve of you, and when they don’t, it’s natural to experience fear. You have an inbuilt survival instinct and understand you’re better off when your clan (those you meet often) think well of you.

So, your reaction is normal when you feel bad after someone puts you down, but how can you stop disparagement upsetting you?

Stop curling up

When you feel small, there’s a strong chance you act small too. I’m not suggesting you puff out your chest and beat your fists on it (although that might help). Nonetheless, a sudden bout of insecurity can make you behave like you really are ‘less than’ and the solution is to act big.

When you act small, you encourage someone who disparages you to continue. It’s not your fault they behave as they do, far from it. Their actions stem from wanting you to inflate them and make them feel big — an ugly way to behave.

But, clamming up, agreeing with slights against you, and becoming upset shrinks you in the eyes of your, for want of a better word, adversary. And the more you shrink, the more they grow.

Likewise, getting so defensive you are aggressive makes it look like the other person’s right about you. If not, why would you need to get angry or tearful? (We know, of course, your reaction is fear-based rather than an admission of inadequacy, but that’s not how you come across).

How to act big

You have several choices as to how to behave when someone acts like they want you to feel small.

You can ignore them with self-assured poise. This means drawing on inner strength and a sense of knowing who you are; not lowering your value when challenged.

Or, you can respond with words, without aggression, and with an air of indifference.

“I respect your right to your view, but it’s different to mine.”

“Thanks for your opinion.”

“We’ll have to beg to differ on this!”

“Thank you. That’s interesting. I’ll think about it later.”

If the individual is downright obnoxious, a simple “I have no response for that kind of statement” will do. Make it clear you don’t entertain rudeness. At the same time, since you don’t resort to aggression, you’ll grow rather than appear small.

The key to acting big rather than small is to stay calm. Most people panic and speak defensively, but it’s not useful.

If panic strikes, ground yourself when facing disparagement and unwarranted criticism. Imagine, like a tree, your roots spread into the earth and your trunk is strong, solid, and straight. As a result, you’ll feel self-assured and walk tall.

We must all deal with people who, because of their own insecurity, try to make us look or feel small. They need not meet their aim though. Respond with dignity and calm and you’ll grow in stature rather than shrink.

Copyright © 2019 Bridget Webber. All rights reserved