How Some White Women’s Envy Threatens Black Women

Many white women feel insecure around black women, it is one of the reasons that the two sometimes do not get along. It’s not a topic that is often talked about, but in reality, its origins lie in patriarchy.

I’ll be 50 in a few weeks, but somehow white people — especially white women think that I am much younger than that. As most of their own faces start showing the visible signs of aging, mine seems to remain the same — like I am this Benjamin Button au feminine. The reality though is that I age too. I definitely don’t look the same as I did 10 years ago.

White women have always felt a sense of envy vis a vis black women, and as I age, it seems to be getting much worse. From the occasional remark about why can’t I just age like the rest of us, to the resentful glance, I’ve been through it all.

I often think to myself: white women are desired by white men, black men, and brown men — all men of all shapes and sizes. They are a priced trophy the world over. Why are they jealous of me — a black woman, who is considered to be the least desirable of all women — at least according to a study conducted on OkCupid (a dating site) in 2014 which showed that “most guys on the internet site ranked women that are black as less attractive than ladies of other ethnicities”.

Not only have I been called least desirable, but I have also had to live at the intersection of racism and sexism my whole life. At every step of my life, I have faced barriers — from being bullied at school because I was black, to teachers that incorrectly assumed I would amount to nothing, to companies that were reluctant to hire me because I was black.

Life has already been extra hard — thank God the universe gave me one perk in return — that of youthful, taut skin. White women, leave me at least this one thing.

But the insecurities of white women have their origins from way back. White male plantation owners raped female black slaves. These white men were attracted to black women. And even though they justified those rapes by saying they wanted to whiten the black race, most often than not, they fell in love with these women — Thomas Jefferson and George Washington are clear examples.

Shocking, however, is that despite sleeping with these women, they refused to acknowledge that they were human beings deserving of equal rights. The damn hypocrisy is unnerving.

Institutionalized rape of black women during colonialism also took place. The same disgusting perverse behaviors. This all led to one thing — white women seeing black women as arch-rivals all through time.

Today, many white women still carry those insecurities. Their hatred of black women is deep and is often unconscious.

I am what most people consider a pretty black girl — and all too often I have seen white women’s envy play out in a multitude of ways in the most improbable situations.

White women have more than any other group sought to portray me as an angry black woman. They’ve sought to demonize me — tried to build a narrative of me being emotionally manipulative, strong-willed, or a bully. When that doesn’t work, they resort to criticizing my work directly or the value I bring to the team. They call me a diva, say that I am a prima donna, a bimbo. Anything to undermine me or take away my credibility.

There have been few exceptions of white women that have treated me right and these have been good experiences.

Most often, however, white women have seen me as competition, most thought they were vying with me for the boss’ attention or the next promotion. I often found myself on their warpath, and this has been the most unpleasant and stressful of experiences. One thing that I need to share with these ladies is: your white bosses will always support you over a black woman — you have nothing to worry about.

After George Floyd’s murder, black Instagram influencer Sasha Exeter expressed frustration at the fact that her celebrity white friends weren’t denouncing racism enough on their high visibility platforms. Jessica Mulroney, a prominent white Canadian television show host and the best friend of the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle responded aggressively to that message.

Somehow she felt attacked by it. They had a heated private message exchange at the end of which Jessica threatened to reach out to Sasha’s sponsors to warn them about her. Basically to tell them that Sasha was an angry black woman that they should no longer endorse.

Jessica’s message was a direct form of intimidation and when Sasha shared it with her fans, it quickly went viral. Within a few hours, Jessica — not Sasha had lost all of her endorsements. The sheer audacity, entitlement, and white privilege that made her think she could annihilate a black woman and get away with it are quite telling.

I would also like to relate my point to a very recent event — the US elections. It turns out that 55 percent of white women voted for Trump. I wonder which proportion of those ladies simply didn’t vote for Joe Biden because he had selected a black woman to run alongside him?

In other countries, you also see this dynamic play out. There’s even a saying in Brazil: you should marry whiter than you but screw darker than you. Again another message colporting the disgusting theme that Black people — black women were just good for sex. This has not helped in cooling down white women's’ insecurities vis a vis black women.

But if we deconstruct this envy further, we understand that it has its origins in patriarchy. The opposition begins when the white man neglects his wife and beds the black woman. Here the white woman wonders what the black woman has more than her.

In terms of aging, western society values youth in an absurdly addictive way. Many white women are hell-bent on looking young for the longest time possible — the cosmetics industry bears strong testimony to this.

So when white women witness that black women stay young for what seems like forever, envy again finds fertile ground. The question remains: would white women still envy black women if the patriarchy hadn’t planted that seed of insecurity and doubt within them?

But as we push toward gender equality — especially in the western world, it is important for white and black women to become allies rather than enemies. If we allow patriarchy to continue to divide us, we’ll all lose in the end.

Women’s rights are still not where they should be — and with Amy Coney Barrett recently appointed to the US Supreme Court, we might end up in the dystopian reality of Margaret Atwood's Handmaid’s Tale where men continue to control women’s bodies.

We are at a point in time where we need to reconcile our differences and work together to bring about a better world for all women. I am ready to get to work, dear white women, are you?

Thanks for reading my perspective.