How Similar Is Similar Enough?

An important question when you’re looking past attraction to compatibility

A lot has been said about how similarities between partners play a vital role in ensuring compatibility for sustainable and healthy long-term relationships. However, the question arises, how similar are partners supposed to be to achieve this relationship bliss?

2 peas in a pod?

True, similarities in many areas of life and to appreciable degrees are more desirable but experts say partners do not have to be identical in all respects for the relationship to be meaningful and healthy.

The sweet spot for “opposites”

In fact, according to some relationship experts, “opposites” too can enjoy a long-term, fulfilling relationship if they find the sweet spot of overlapping interests.

This crucial area of overlap is in the area they refer to as “common needs” as opposed to merely “wants”. Examples of common needs will include religious beliefs, exclusivity, and the desire to, or not have children. According to Relationship expert Rachel Wright Ph.D., having mutual common needs are critical to long-term relationship success.

“Wants” (interests) on the other hand can be allowed to diverge. And sometimes little differences in this area can actually be healthy for relationships because it allows partners to maintain an individual sense of self.

Therefore, Wright says you can be “opposites” here. For example, “if your partner isn’t into yoga, that can be something you do by yourself or with your friends; it doesn’t need to be a foundational way of how you operate as a couple.”

Conclusion

However good these differences can be in this area, what is of crucial importance is that partners are able to appreciate, negotiate and tolerate each other’s differences for the long-term health of the relationship.

“Sometimes the little differences in the area of interests can actually be healthy for the relationship because it allows partners to maintain an individual sense of self.”