NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS
How Narcissistic Mothers Emotionally Abuse Children and Get Away With It
Narcissistic mothers are more dangerous than guns.
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There are narcissists all around us — covert, overt, malignant. Until you have a personal experience with narcissists, you will never fully understand what they are capable of. And trust me, they are capable of the cruelest, appalling actions because they lack empathy. And without empathy, there is no remorse, conscience, or differentiation between right and wrong.
I know female victims who have had their fair share when dealing with male narcissists. But I know more men, in my close and wider circle of friends: men who are victims of narcissistic abuse. It’s tragic what they had to go through, and those, who are still among us and haven’t committed suicide are suffering from severe PTSD.
But what I can not swallow is when I see children suffering from narcissistic abuse from one of their parents. There are too many children, who are right now being emotionally exploited by a narcissistic parent, and society gives them a free pass, a napkin to wipe their “crocodile ”tears, and even Legal Aid.
I’ve seen it happen all over and over again. It’s a vicicious cirle that must stop. Its a toxic generational chain of abuse.
Let’s talk about men/fathers for a bit, there is this “cultural norm” that men must be strong, dominant, providers, generous while women are kind, fragile, motherly, loving, and helpful. Because of this lie, female narcissistic behaviour isn’t as visible as it should be.
Like female victims, men suffer great pain and humiliation at the hands of their female partners. But male complaints are rarely taken seriously — they are laughed at, they are weak, they are ashamed and embarrassed! So why even try?
So these men stop trying. They have nowhere to go because if they do they will be met with doubt and skepticism. So what happens to them?
- They either suffer for decades and live “under the regime” of the female narcissist;
- They suffer until they can’t take it anymore and they commit suicide;
- They leave, continuing to suffer and when children are involved, they suffer even more, because by leaving they are well aware that their children won’t be raised into healthy young adults.
So how do these men feel?
They are losers! Failures! They hands are tied, their lips shut and their minds broken!
Male victims experience threats, manipulation, and other forms of emotional or psychological abuse — every single day. Trust me, I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed it.
Men are scared of women and always were. Women are very intimidating even though some women don’t realize that. But let’s be honest, we are!
But what if your ex-partner, a female narcissist is also a mother to your child?
From bottom of my heart, I believe that narcisstic mothers are more dangerous than guns. Thefore, they should be “banned”.
As infants, as children, we learn about the world around us through our interactions with our parents. There is a special bond between a child and the mother. After all, we form our self-worth from how our mothers nurture us and protect us from harm. We as children crave the mother and her empathy.
Our mothers, just like mine, are the foundation of how we grow as an individual and how we integrate ourselves into the world. If this foundation is rotten and poisoned with parental alienation, emotional and physiological abuse, the child will grow into a damaged adult and will likely develop:
- Severy anxiety;
- Attachment issues;
- Depression;
- Self-loathing;
- Insecurities.
The brutal truth is that the narcissistic mother is the cause of fear for her children and distorts the child’s identity. The narcissistic mother gives conditional love that creates continual anxiety, self-doubt, and distrust.
Narcissistic mothers poison their defenseless children who trust their mothers and seek love, attention, validation and guidance, and protection.
These children need protection from their own mothers!
- Narcissistic mothers have no boundaries when it comes to their children
My friend’s ex is a covert narcissist and she makes their child responsible for keeping “Mummy happy”. The child, 8-year-old, is there to bring her a pain killer after her mum partied all night. The child is there to write emails of absence to school because her mother overslept. The child is there to bring her breakfast to bed. The child is there to fulfill her emotional needs when another break-up occurs and her mother is unable to go out face the world.
Rather than taking on the responsibilities of being a parent, she makes her own little child a parent, making the child obligated to cater to her desires.
She violates the children's basic needs for privacy and autonomy, demanding to know every facet of their lives. She literally interrogates the child whenever the child spends time with his father. She monitors the calls, reads his diaries, and even makes notes in those diaries. She tells him stories of the scary world outside, doesn’t let him go to children’s parties.
Why?
Because narcissistic mothers want to stop the emotional development of their children. They won’t let them grow up because if they do, they will leave their “Mums”, perhaps just then they will realize that they have been victims of narcissistic mothers.
- Narcissistic mothers guilt trip and gaslight their children
When my friend’s child wished to see his father more often, his narcissistic mother invalidated her son's feelings. She lied that the father was out of the country and is unable to see him. When the child told her mother that he would like to become a professional football player, she told him that he will get hurt and it was not worth even trying. When the child had a tantrum and told her mother that he will be leaving her and going to live with the father instead, the narcissistic mother used her emotional outbursts to control and manipulate the children, stating “You don’t love me, if you leave, I will die!”
From then on the child stopped expressing his emotions because every emotion he expressed would be invalidated. The mother wins, redirects the focus to her needs, and guilt-trips the child at every sign of perceived “misconduct”.
- Narcissistic mothers will proudly classify their children as “retards”
Many of the children, raised by narcissistic mothers are misdiagnosed by doctors because of what the narcissists told them. My friend, who fought in court, to get primary custody of his son did all in his power to stop this madness. He provided all the evidence to social workers, lawyers, judges, medical professionals.
But who would believe him right?
“Narcissistic mothers are charming. They would never harm their children”
My friend’s child was:
- Put on medications since he was 9 for depression and anxiety since his mother had been diagnosed with depression, so obviously, he had to be put on them too.
This made his son feel “vulnerable”, “sick”, but mostly confused — what’s wrong with him? Why does he need to have pills? Why other kids don’t need them and he does?
- Stopped playing football, going to concerts and friend’s parties.
This made his son an outsider. He was so sure that playing football would injure him and it wasn’t worth it. Listening to concerts would impact his hearing and that his friends aren’t trustworthy — only his Mum is.
You see, a narcissistic mother makes a child believe that they are incompetent, fragile, damaged, and won’t ever succeed in life.
But as long as there is one healthy parent, present in the child’s life there is hope that the child will overcome the decade of daily emotional and psychological abuse.
Unfortunately, society, the courts, the social workers protect narcissistic mothers due to a lack of insight into the complexity of the NPD.
If your child is under the primary care of a narcissistic mother, you have the parental responsibility and a moral one to stop this abuse and give the space and support for your child to heal.
Healing from a mother's narcissistic abuse for both children and their fathers is exhausting. A narcissistic mother will harass you and do psychotic things to stop you from helping your children break free and develop their own identity.
Narcisstic mother’s biggest fear is losing control!
They’re fearful that the world will see them for who they really are — monsters.
They don’t want their children to become better than they are, to have a better future, careers, healthy relationships. Ultimately, they don’t want children to be better than them.
“Dear Fathers, while you are still around there is always a chance that your children will one day stop seeking approval from their narcissistic mothers and won’t become stuck in between choosing sides.”
Children should not choose sides, the only right side is to be true to themselves.
Children aren’t extensions of their parents, they are individuals, with their own wishes, hopes, and desires and they deserve to be protected and nurtured into developing into the best version of themselves — ultimately to become better than their own parents.
With a healthy father on their side, they are close to achieving freedom and regaining their own unique identity.
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