Advice and relationships
How My Mental Clinic Stay Changed My Relationships for the Better
My relationships are now stronger after five months in and out of a clinic
Who would’ve thought going in and out of a mental clinic over the past five months meant that my relationships would blossom around me? I guess the people who really support you come out of the woodwork, and I am blessed enough to have a handful of people who care a lot about me and have stuck around. They’ve been there, and now our relationships are better.
In this article, I will outline how my mental clinic stay changed my relationships for the better and exactly how the different relationships have blossomed and how you can nurture your relationships, even when a mental clinic isn't involved.
My dad and I
“You fathers will understand. You have a little girl. She looks up to you. You’re her oracle. You’re her hero. And then the day comes when she gets her first permanent wave and goes to her first real party, and from that day on, you’re in a constant state of panic.” — Stanley T. Banks
Ok, so first things first because I went into the mental clinic already last November when living in Berlin. My mum lives in England, and my dad lives in the south of Germany.
When he came to see me for my birthday during my stay in the mental clinic, I still remember his look. He was scared to see me rattled up and skinny after not eating properly. His immediate reaction burst into tears to see me in this state, and I remember our embrace was the tightest I have ever felt.
I knew from that moment I was not alone in this journey of battling my mental health issues (depression and onset schizophrenia) and that he would be by my side. A feeling of relief raised some vibration within me.
Before my diagnosis and battle with mental health, I was close to my dad, but not to the point where we would talk every day. We would check in with each other now and then, and I would visit when I can. But now it is different.
During my mental clinic stay, he would chat with me every day to see how I am doing and show so much care, compassion, and consideration. He brought me to the south of Germany to be closer to him that I am now living with him after being in the clinic for months.
My mental clinic stays changed my relationship for the better with my dad because I am now more connected and open with him about how I feel without thinking that he will judge me at any point. Have you ever felt scared to be judged by your dad? Me too. There’s no need, I promise. Even if it is a big thing, he will forgive you and find love to be the answer.
Takeaway: In times of need, don’t be afraid to be open to your father, and he will be there for you. Your dad will not judge you but have an open ear in your times of need. He will try to do the best he can to help and understand you with love and compassion.
My friends from afar
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.” — Elisabeth Foley
I live far away from my friends because I live in Germany and most of my best friends live in England. I have been able to get used to it now, but it was hard when in a mental clinic. I felt isolated and lonely at times.
My friends sent me a Christmas package (I was in the mental clinic for my birthday, Christmas, and the new year), and I was over the moon. I have wanted to read one of the self-help books for a while, including Notes On a Nervous Planet by Matt Haig. I ended up reading it in a few days with no problem and noticed how alike his writing style is to mine in my new self-help book, which gave me hope!
Alongside the book, they gifted me chocolate and tea to snug socks and face masks. It made me cry. I never thought they would put so much thought and attention into sending me a self-care package, and it made me realise who my best friends were.
Most of them (out of the five) made it a habit to check in with me nearly every day during my stay. It felt as if they were there by my side every step of the way, knowing that everything will be okay (even when it didn’t feel like it).
Takeaway: Your real friends will show up in the hardest of times. They will be there by your side and show you that even when you don’t feel OK, they still love you and try their best to bring you back to you. Your true friends will stick by you when you find life rough and really show you that friendship is a big part of pulling through the hardest times of your life. Hold on to these special people.
My new boyfriend (from the mental clinic)
So if you haven’t noticed by now from all my past articles about falling in love in the mental clinic — here are two of my favourites:
So when meeting this guy in the mental clinic, I didn’t realise my feelings would escalate so much for him in such a short amount of time. But they did, and here I am to tell the story(!)
We got on so well because we were so open with each other from early on. The thing is about the mental clinic is that you speak with pretty much everyone with honesty and vulnerability. When someone asks you how you are, you don’t just say good, but you give a short running commentary about how you may be feeling.
The same applied to us. We wouldn’t just give each other one-word answers, but we would go into depth about how we feel and how to be better. It made our connection strong from the get-go, and I realised that communication is key.
Takeaway: Be as open as you can with your partner early on to avoid misunderstanding and hurt. This way, you may be able to get each other better and be braver about sharing feelings that are there or may not be there… this way, you are both on the same page from the start instead of trying to figure each other out. Be open; be you be free.
My sister
“Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.” — Amy Li
You see, the thing is with my sister is that during this period of being in the mental clinic, it has been the most time we haven’t spoken that much. We normally would speak nearly every day, but since being in the mental clinic, that ended up being once a week.
But guess what?
It hasn’t changed how close we are. We are still like two peas in a pod because she understands how I feel and will always lecture me when we have a phone call (she is the older sister, after all!).
I have noticed that I miss speaking to her often, but it is also not always needed as when we do end up speaking, it becomes more special.
Takeaway: You don’t always have to talk to your siblings for them to understand you. They will understand you because they ARE your siblings in the first place. Finding out that your siblings will be there for you through thick and thin, even if you do isolate yourself away from them, is a blessing. They are like your friends who will never leave your side because you have a bond that can never be torn.
My mum
“When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” — Charley Benetto
Last but not least, my dear mum. Unfortunately, she is far away from me, and I feel the distance. She was living with me in Berlin for a period of time last summer when my parents had just broken up.
Now, I haven't seen her for more than half a year and it sometimes hurts feeling so distant form your mum when you have heartache, right?
Same as my sister, I didnt really speak to my mum while being in the mental clinic. I dont know what it was, but I didn't speak to that many people there because I felt ashamed at times. I know this isn't how I should have been feeling, but it was. Anyway, I knew even when she messaged me she would worry about me and it made me notice that I must make more effort to talk to her, especially during such a troublesome time.
Takeaway: Don’t leave your mum hanging. Although there will be times when you may not speak so much, make the effort to tell her you are OK… or not, because mums tend to worry a lot and can’t control the worry unless they hear from you. Be mindful and careful when not speaking to you mum and reply to her messages as and when you can. Know that she is always there for you.
In conclusion:
My mental clinic stay changed my relationships for the better because I gave them time and space. The biggest lesson learned is that the people who really love you will stick around in your hard times and be there for you. The others don’t matter so much. Be wary about how and when you talk to loved ones and make effort back — it is a two way relationship with anyone after all. Even when you don’t feel like it, make some effort to just say hey and know that every little thing will be OK.
I have learned I have the most loving support system around me and I am blessed to have so many people that care. This has come from years of nurturing and noticing the people I have close are special, so I do everything I can to keep in contact. It is possible — you just need to be dedicated and understanding.
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