How My Life Improved When I Turned 50
Making the 2nd half of my life the best years of my life!
We have all heard that saying about how men “mature” when they get older, but women just “get older.” How unfair is that? I, for one, love being in the beginning stages of the second half of my life!
Oh No! The Dreaded 5–0!
When my friends and I were all approaching our 50th birthdays, I remember hearing many of them saying how they’re unhappy about being so old. Some were dreading the thought of leaving their 40’s and getting into the 50-year-old age bracket. Were they that unhappy in their lives that the mere thought of going from one decade to another affected them so negatively?
I asked a few of them why the thought of turning 50 seemed like a death sentence? Some of the answers surprised me!
My husband will think I am too old and will not be attracted to me anymore.
I am going to be too old and tired to do anything exciting in my life from now on.
It’s all downhill from here.
We’re just getting closer and closer to death’s door.
What the Heck?!?!
I admit, I was quite surprised by these revelations! And honestly, what my friends were saying and feeling was making me kind of sad for them. Not a pity-type of sad, but a deep concern as to why they all felt that way.
Because I was deeply excited about turning 50 and my future! I figured, if I survived the first 50 years and made it this far alive, then the second 50 years were going to be a breeze! I mean, come on! I had FIFTY years to learn what works and what doesn’t. No one under that age of 50 can say that!
So, as I sat and pondered my friends’ answers, I started thinking about why I felt so OK about turning this magical age. And I have to say, there a lot of things that became clear to me when I turned 50 that I don’t think I would have taken as seriously before.
Weight Loss — Of Course
Most women I know are constantly complaining about their weight, are on some type of diet, and are hardly ever satisfied with their physical appearance. As for me, I am the Queen of yo-yo dieting! Between the ages of 16 and 49, I had tried pretty much every diet out there.
- Nutrisystem
- Jenny Craig
- Weight Watchers
- Lindora
- Atkins
- The Keto Diet
- The Paleo Diet
- Intermittent Fasting
And of course, every diet worked! In the short-term that is. I would follow the diet to the “T” because I wanted to be skinny and wear cute clothes, usually for some big event that was coming up. But every single time I lost the weight I wanted, I went back to eating whatever I felt like eating, and inevitably the weight crept back on.
Every. Single. Time.
It took me turning 50 and changing my outlook on the whole “diet” thing to realize why I never kept it off. I was never doing it for my health. It was always to look better physically. Yes, I had heard and read numerous times that we should lose weight to be healthy, but I was already healthy so that didn’t seem like a good motivator to me! But looking good in shorts and a tank top to go on a cruise to the Bahamas was definitely motivating!
Now though, my health has become much more important to me. Yes, I am still very healthy — luckily — but that doesn’t mean I want to push it! I want my next 50 years to remain super healthy so I can enjoy them. I want to be able to travel when I retire, and spend time with my grandsons, and just continue to feel good!
Eating healthier and trying to fit in regular exercise is a permanent thing now, not just a temporary “diet” anymore. The weight may be coming off slower because my yo-yo dieting screwed up my metabolism, but I feel fantastic so that is what matters to me the most.
Families — Can’t Live Without Them… Or Can You?
Another thing that I have learned is that I do not have to stay in contact with family members that do not treat me with respect — just because they are family.
For almost 40 years I put up with my mother treating me badly because everyone instilled the thought in me that I had to “because she’s your mother.”
I lived with the fact that she called 11-year-old me ‘slutty’ after my soon-to-be stepfather molested me. I dealt with her constantly putting me down and belittling me because I was never quite good enough at anything. I had to live with the fact that she still married the guy that molested me, and whenever he would come near me, she would get mad at me because she thought I was enticing him over.
Because She Is Your Mother is what was drilled into my head from early childhood on, so the thought of not talking to her never once crossed my mind. Not once.
Until my 50th birthday. My mother actually called me on my birthday, not to wish me a Happy Birthday or anything, but to yell at me and tell me what a disappointment I was to her. So I hung up on her. I decided then and there that I was never, ever going to deal with her treating me like crap ever again. And I’ve never spoken to her since.
I can honestly say I do not regret that decision at all. Stepping away from that toxic relationship is one of the best moves I’ve ever made. Do I wish I had a mother that I could have that close mother/daughter bond with? Of course I do. I have accepted that it is just something that I am never going to have in this lifetime, and I’ve moved on.
Please feel free to check out the article below on how I was finally able to forgive her on a soul level.
Preparing for Retirement
Now I am not just talking about being monetarily prepared for retirement. Fortunately, that is something we’ve been working on for a while now. Our mortgage will be paid off before we retire, so we won’t have that big expense. We have 401(k)s, pensions, some savings, and my husband has worked for the airlines for 30 years, so we have flying benefits for life. We are pretty set money-wise.
No, I am talking about what to do with all of that free time! It amazes me when I talk to people who are bored after they have retired. I have been mentally preparing for all of the things I want to do when I retire for a few years now. And new things keep popping up!
Like writing for Medium — that is something I have just recently started, and I am loving it! I’ve also started a new blog that I am spending hours learning about perfecting. I have about 20 novels that I want to read; a few online courses that I would love to take; and I would enjoy taking some classes at a junior college just for fun.
I have tentatively started decluttering our house. All of the “things” that seemed important to keep now seem much more unimportant. The hodgepodge of knick-knacks and dust collectors are finding their way to Goodwill or the Salvation Army. Old clothes that I kept for “when I lose weight again” are on their way out too.
It just feels good to let go of useless stuff.
I also want to train for a full marathon. I have done 4 half marathons in the past, but the elusive full-marathon-finish-line still calls to me! That is something that I definitely want to pursue in my retirement years.
And Finally, Religion, or in my case: Spirituality
One of the best parts of turning 50 to me has been the acceptance of my religious or spiritual leanings. Growing up as a Lutheran/Christian, I never felt any real calling in that direction. It just never clicked.
Then in junior college, I took a World’s Religion class that opened up a whole new spiritual world for me.
I wrote an article about that too -
Learning to follow my own heart with my spiritual beliefs (and not just because I had to believe what my family believes) was more freeing to me than anything else I have ever experienced. Feeling like it is alright for me to talk about my beliefs, share what I genuinely believe with others close to me, and not fearing their judgment, has been mind-blowing to me.
And them accepting me and not judging me is just the icing on the cake. That is what real love is, and I know my family and friends truly love and accept me.
See, Turning 50 Ain’t so Bad After All
I have come to the conclusion that how we react to turning 50 is all about how we view the whole picture and the actions we take.
~Actually eat healthier and exercise for the health benefits — not just to look prettier!
~If there is no way to heal a toxic relationship that you are a part of, then step away. Only be around people that sincerely love and accept the real you!
~Figure out some fun and exciting options for you to explore when you retire, the sky is the limit!
~And finally, be true to yourself and your beliefs. Listen to your heart and follow what you hear. No one knows what feels true to you better than yourself!
So, here’s to all of us, men and women alike, living the second half of our lives better than the first half! Make the 50-year milestone something to look forward to, not to dread. It’s all uphill from here!
