Boobs

How Much Boob is Too Much for the Workplace?

Free the corporate nip!

As a boob-haver who doesn’t own a bra, dressing for the office is a delicate operation.

I’m aware that occasionally, the nub of a nipple might show through my thinner jumpers — aircon, am I right? — but I do try to take steps to mitigate exposure. One must protect the fragile sensibilities of the younger members of the team, after all.

It helps that I’m generally a very cold person, both emotionally and physically. I’m typically rocking at least a couple of layers on my upper half, and I always have an emergency cardigan with me, even during this year’s 40-degree heatwave. It’s the UK, we’ve cycled through more seasons than I knew existed in the course of a day before, so you can’t be too careful.

So, I’m usually fine in terms of avoiding more obvious office-based nip slips. Or, so I thought.

“Your nipples are basically part of the office furniture at this point”

I was faced with a problem recently though when I bought a new top. I’m a sucker for anything one-shouldered, so when I saw it online, I had to have it. Obviously, you can’t wear a bra with it, or at least only a strapless one, but that’s not generally a problem for my slightly less than a handful.

Except it’s white. And thin. I mean, it shouldn’t be, because it wasn’t cheap, but it’s diminishing returns with mid-range fashion these days; apparently, you can’t rely on a £40 t-shirt not being see-through anymore.

And see-through it is. Completely. I knew from the way my boyfriend’s eyes lit up when I modeled it for him that I was firmly in “inappropriate for a workplace environment” territory.

That wasn’t going to stop me though. I don’t own a strapless bra, obviously, so I turned to plan B. In this case, that was a white vest with one of the straps rolled down and tucked inside the sleeveless side of the top. It wasn’t comfy, but I was quite proud of my ingenuity.

So I wore the top to the office. I was explaining my achievement in boob/nipple minimisation tactics to my colleague when she looked at me — or rather, at my boobs — and said, “it didn’t work”.

Oh. “Can you normally see my entire boob?”, I asked. “No”, she replied. My relief didn’t last long though when she followed up with “I don’t notice them anymore. Your nipples are basically part of the office furniture at this point.”

That’s right: she’d gone nipple blind (British people will get the reference, at least if they watch enough daytime TV).

So, how much boob is too much boob for the workplace?

Apparently, there are no limits. If anyone else noticed my total exposure, they didn’t say anything about it. Not even my boss.

Maybe they’d all seen it all before (mass nipple blindness, the new pandemic) or maybe they were all too fearful of getting sued for sexual harassment to admit they’d been staring at my chest. Either way, it’s a win-win for both me and the boobs.

So, if you too would like to go bra-free in the workplace but are afraid of showing too much, heed my advice. Start them early; make sure the nips are out and proud from day one and soon enough people will forget they’re even there.

Exposure therapy, innit?