How Male Entitlement Ruins Potentially Great Sex

A woman’s body — or her orgasm — is not the property of men.

“It’s not just about being sexy, it’s about being confident and me being confident in my sexuality.”

— Rapper / Songwriter, Megan Thee Stallion

Her Body. Her Rules.

Sex is one of the most pleasurable experiences a human being can engage in yet it’s constantly ruined by unrealistic expectations. One of those expectations is the pressure to perform.

Nobody likes doing anything under pressure — especially when it comes to sex. And nobody is worst at applying unwanted pressure than thirsty men trying to get what they can’t have.

It’s commonplace in today’s male-oriented society that men feel entitled to the body of a woman. The toxic, and just illogical, misconception that a man should be rewarded with a woman’s affection, by doing the bare minimum, has caused so much harm in the world of sexual connection.

It’s also just fucking ridiculous.

Doing something nice and expecting some sort of reciprocation doesn’t make a man a gentleman — it means you’re a low-profile asshole.

Sex is more than just physical pleasure — it’s the consensual acknowledgment of respect between both parties.

When a man attempts to pressure women into a sexual situation, it only benefits himself. And honestly who wants to have sex that way? It’s one-sided and it sucks. When sex is given out of respect and admiration, and not subtle coercion, it’s so much better.

There’s passion. There’s love. There are fire and raw honesty. These things do not exist without mutual respect for one another.

In a one-sided sexual arrangement, where consent is manipulated, it hollows out the experience. You’re not having sex out of mutual respect — it’s sex based on fear and manipulation.

Male Dominance Holds Us All Back

As men, we have a natural tendency to assert ourselves. Thanks to social conditioning, we learn at an early age that we feel more self-important when taking something for ourselves. We take pleasure in defeating our competition, winning battles, and establishing schoolyard dominance. Even those that don’t seek pleasure in these war games, have a hard time escaping the expectations of participation.

Unfortunately, this mentality also ends up applying to our sexual desires. For a lot of guys, sex is a one-way street. That his pleasure, and his desires, come first and his woman second. That he feels entitled to her body, once the fires of his sexual desire are stoked. Sure, she may enjoy it herself, but with too many guys, it’s often a side effect of his own selfish desire.

Male entitlement and objectification of the female body have given way to terrible sex. Yeah, it’s great for the guys that love bragging about their sexual prowess, but what about the women in that equation? Generally, when men talk about their sexual braggadocio, it’s to hype up their social standing, like a sports game where they're trying to compete against their peers. However, that often minimizes the women in their lives to another point on a scoreboard and reducing their worth to an object of their affection. Sex is more than just numbers and social capital — it’s a nonverbal dance of pleasure between two lovers. A dance that should be given more respect than just simple ego-boosting.

Sex is more than just a physical act — it’s a dance of passion and connection between two lovers. While there is a heavy emphasis on physical performance, the truth is sex sucks if both lovers are not satisfied. When pleasure becomes focused on one person at the expense of another, it cheapens the joy of sex. Even more so, it unlocks the door to abuse if taken too far by one individual. Male entitlement is a great way to ruin what should be a pleasurable experience for all parties involved.

But if asserting our male dominion isn’t the way, then how should a man best enhance the bedroom experience?

Glad you asked…

Sex Is Just Physical, Satisfaction Is About Respect

So much of modern sexuality, and modern masculinity, is often caught up in the physical aspects. The tired, eye-rolling cliches of “whether or not size matters”, body types, blowjobs, boobs, and such and so forth. You’ve most likely heard this advice so much that I don’t even have to reiterate it here. However, there is a much deeper — and ultimately more important aspect — that is underrated in sexual experience.

Communication and Respect.

In the minds of men, we often forget — or outright ignore — the needs of our womanly partners in favor of our own. So many of us think we’re already sexual professionals or market ourselves as professional sexual coaches as a way to refine our sexual resumes. We find something that worked well with one woman — or even a few women — and call that our sexual “special move”. Like some weird, sexual version of John Cena, where we now have our own special move that will work in the bedroom every single time.

And if that last statement sounds ridiculous that’s because it is.

The truth is every woman has her own needs and desires. That requires a different tailormade, sexual approach for every encounter. The only way to truly satisfy her is to communicate with her and truly understand where she’s coming from. And to do that, that means giving her a bit of control over sexual tempo.

Will that make you feel less of a man? I guess so…if it’s really that important to you. (Personally, you shouldn’t care, but to each their own).

However, it will do something better than achieving orgasms — you create a truly powerful connection. As a man, you give better pleasure to your partner. As a woman, you find someone you can trust…or at least, speed dial when a booty call is needed.

The way I see it, sexual pleasure is like running a business. You don’t want to be a one-and-done type of person. You want to be that person that continually gets repeat business because you’re just that good.

And to get that good, that means showing some actual respect to the woman in your bed.

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Dayon Cotton is Active Duty US Navy and Freelance Writer. I write dope articles about social issues, life lessons, and advice on how to live a better life. Stay safe out there!