How Major Depressive Disorder Has Changed My Life Forever
A wake-up call for a new “me.”
I have shared a recovery story of mine earlier. (If you have not read yet, here is a link for you:https://readmedium.com/it-is-not-all-in-your-head-bb250b4adda1) After so many panic attacks, fears, stigmas, meds, and some near-death experience, I finally feel ready to have the wig blown off. It is time to wake up and simply be in the moment with everything I had to strive against, lose, and gain. It is time to speak up even louder, vocalize the words straight from the shoulder.
Good morning everyone, for the very first time!
I have suffered from major depressive disorder for many years. I have been prescribed almost every medication type and recommended many exercise techniques to cope with inner pain, considered to hospitalization for better management.
I am not going to lie; there are numerous days to beg any type of religious authority for “the end.” as if it would be the only solution for my broken pieces.
Yet, I couldn’t stop myself but puzzled with this shaky light loom up among those pieces of mine. So, with human instinct, I go after where it originates. The path was tricky, vicious, threatening, and somehow familiar, warm, and worth it. Above all, I knew I was not alone. From the moment I published my first recovery story, I have been receiving tons of e-mails and meeting people-I would like to call them as my “mentors”- in my shoes, fighting against the social and inner stigma about mental health, re-designing herself/himself in many ways.Therefore, I kept walking throughout a path with a night-light, knowing that standing on my own feet doesn’t have to mean “alone.” After countless heartbreaks, break-downs, self-pity, fatigue, a world of endless nights, and darkness, there was a brand new day waiting for a brand new “me.”
Where were we?
After a short follow-up process, I will be done with medication treatment for major depressive disorder. Since my eyes are more precise than ever now, I can evaluate what I have gained and sacrifice through the journey. Even though my memories are mostly dark and scary, I, somehow, began to think that depression has affected my life in so many good ways. Thus, I am almost grateful for this phase of my existence. Here is why:
1.I tried to learn how to play the flute and ukulele.
This might seem easy to you; however, I always had that fear to fail something out of my comfort zone, and music is definitely one of them. I am not going to lie; I am a tone-deaf with a good voice to beg bacon. Yet, none of them was strong enough to stop me from singing my heart out.
2.I decided not to be willing to settle for the present, always search for my soul.
I have spent 26 years of life trying to control everything around me. Yet, I still found myself where I lost control of the wheel of my own. I have decided to look for the main reason for my existence and allow nature to take its course while taking my own.
3.I made some calls, met some old friends, made some confessions that I thought I would take to the grave.
That part was a little tricky to be truthful. Since there are still some unsolved issues considering that part, I prefer to save this one to another story. So, stay tuned!
4.I let the passion flow through my veins, be the voice of unspoken words.
When it comes to mental health, the stigma is always there, waiting and judging…Fighting against the social and inner stigma about mental health and facing these challenges has never been easy. Surviving the journey alone is even more challenging. To help people keep walking throughout the path, understand that standing on the feet doesn’t mean “alone.” I have been determined to talk about mental health to break down prejudices to do my part.
Long story short
There was a recovery story that uncovers ups and downs, tears and laughs stolen, and one that got away from me. Now, it is a wake-up call for everyone who reads my unfinished phrases.
We have a whole path in front of us! Welcome and thank you for your companion!
