How Letting Go Saved My Marriage
A writing challenge led me to an old blog post that hit the mark
A post by Liberty Forrest, Author in the Hope -Healing-Humor publication challenged us to write a post about letting go. The quote at the top of her post was a perfect addition to my post.
“Love isn’t always about hanging on. Sometimes it’s about letting go.” — Reham Khan
If I hadn’t released the care of my husband to God and let go of my controlling and manipulative ways, I would not be married, my husband would most likely be dead, and I wouldn’t have had a beautiful story to tell in my memoir, Born Again in a Biker Bar. I would undoubtedly not be enjoying the blessed life I’m living today.
It took me four years to truly let go of my “fixer” nature. I wrote the following post about a year into our rejuvenated marriage when I heard our wedding song on the radio. February is the perfect month to share a tale about love and a renewed relationship. 💖 I hope you enjoy my story.
Tommy told me that he wanted a divorce and then went merrily about his business while I fell apart. It was January 2002. I listened to two kinds of music back then, country and western. The day Tommy asked me for a divorce, I turned the radio off in my vehicle and didn’t turn it on again for nearly a year.
If you’re a fan of country music, you know that the lyrics to most songs are about life and pain- lots of pain. If the song itself isn’t painful, the memories it triggers can still be debilitating. Do you know where I’m coming from?
Today, while driving to my workout, George Strait’s “ I Cross My Heart “ came on the radio. It was our wedding song, and I found myself crying. I’m so grateful that my tears were tears of joy. 🥲 It would have been the opposite if God hadn’t worked miracles in my life. Here is a quick recap for those who may not know my and Tommy’s story.
I’d owned Johnny’s Bar & Grill in Hollister, California, for about six years when my husband floored me with a request for a divorce. Since, for most of those six years, I worked like a dog while he drank like a fish, I couldn’t believe that my husband wanted to leave me.
A caveat, I knew my husband was an alcoholic when I bought the bar. He quickly quit his well-paying job and took to drinking full-time. By the time he quit, and thank you, Jesus, our story had a happy ending; he drank 1.75 liters of vodka and Jack Daniels daily. That’s one of each. He was drinking himself to death.
I share this with you because I know many folks in challenging situations don’t believe there is a snowball’s chance in hell of it turning out well. I totally get you. I was in your shoes. But God had a plan for my life. It included my marriage being saved and Tommy’s sobriety. It was against all odds and reason. God delights in showing up in those situations. He can work miracles for you, too, if you only give Him a chance.
I cranked the radio up this morning. With tears streaming down my face, I sang our beautiful wedding song at the top of my lungs. I felt blessed beyond belief. My hearts desire is to help those who can’t see light at the end of their tunnel. God wants to help you. He wants you to feel His love and fill your heart with gladness. But He won’t force Himself on you.
So, if you are like I used to be, controlling, manipulative, and too stubborn to ask for help, I’d like to save you some misery. If you follow this advice, you, too, can have healthy, mutually satisfying relationships, peace, and joy.
Give God the reins and let Him take care of your problems.
It’s easier said than done, especially for control freaks like me. You may need to work at it for a while like I did, but trust me, it is worth it. Let go and let God and see the miracles He will work for you. 💫
Daniel Ng wrote a beautiful post about letting go. Check out his moving story.
Thanks for joining me on my walk down memory lane. I hope it helps someone who is struggling with letting go. And, thank you Liberty Forrest, Author for the prompt.
