How Important Is It To Portray Consent In Fiction?
Can’t fantasy sometimes be transgressive?
More often than you might imagine I get stories submitted to my publication, Sensual Enchantment, that I don’t accept because they depict a lack of sexual consent — something that is mentioned as a no-no in the submission guidelines. Stories about beautiful witches casting spells that immobilize the person they want to have sex with are a common theme, but sometimes it’s simply a supernatural entity who hasn’t gotten any real permission, verbal or non-verbal, to begin sexual contact.
Most of these transgressive stories are actually written by women and a lot of them do end up getting published after some editing to make it clear that no-one is being overpowered or immobilized without some say in the matter. I’m excited by power dynamics too, but as I’ve pointed out before, if the story was reversed and it was a handsome dude putting a rouphie in a woman’s drink so that he could force her into having sex with him, most people wouldn’t find that acceptable or sexy. So why should it be any different if the villain is a beautiful witch or a gorgeous supernatural?
All vampire stories involve just this sort of dynamic, where someone is overpowered, and becomes enamored of the vampire but only after they’ve been bitten, typically against their will. I used to consider those sexy but I don’t any longer. Books, popular music, and movies are full of scenes where a man harasses or forces himself on a woman until she ultimately realizes that she likes it and gives in. This kind of false narrative is a part of rape culture, and it sends the wrong signals about what is actually romantic or sexy.
Romance often involves a bit of pursuit — someone has to make a move, after all. And there’s certainly a spectrum of pursuit: Sometimes supposedly romantic gestures in pop culture veer toward the horrendous or illegal; sometimes they’re just a bit creepy or overzealous. But revisiting some of these fictional love stories can leave one with the understanding that intrusive attention is proof of men’s passion, and something women should welcome. In a number of cases, male characters who were acknowledged to have gone too far — by, for example, actually forcing themselves on women — were quickly forgiven, or their actions compartmentalized and forgotten.
One that stands out in my mind is Sean Connery as James Bond wrestling with Pussy Galore in a stable. He finally gets the upper hand and holds her down so he can kiss her. After a few seconds more of resistance, she melts into his embrace.
Another particularly egregious one is from Star Wars, where Han Solo backs Leia into a wall so that she can’t get away and forces a kiss on her. She’s already elbowed him once to try to get him off of her, but he keeps persisting until she, at last, finds it charming, and succumbs. This is what has passed for sexy on the big screen for years.
I understand that power dynamics can be very hot. Rape fantasies are very common for women but that doesn’t mean that they actually want to be raped. It means that they are excited by a man whom they want too who is consumed with desire for them, so much so that he can’t contain himself — he just has to have her. Of course, that isn’t what actual rape is about — it’s about domination and control, but fantasy and real-life don’t always intersect.
I saw an erotica writer complaining on Twitter the other day that she can’t get anyone to publish her stories because of consent issues. She’s correct that women do indeed fantasize about situations where they are overpowered or pursued relentlessly, but what she’s forgetting is that by embracing that fantasy, a woman is saying yes to that scenario from a man that she chooses — even if only within the confines of her mind.
In a Dom/sub relationship, the dominant doesn’t get to do whatever they want to the sub. He or she only gets to do what both parties have agreed that the boundaries are. Anything else is abusive and a breach of the trust of the relationship. Safe, Sane, and Consensual is one of the mantras of BDSM play spaces.
The narratives of a culture help to set its norms. Research has already found that romantic comedies can normalize stalking behavior. It’s not difficult, then, to imagine that toxic love stories can also normalize coercion. That they can make people — women, especially — question when and whether their boundaries have really been violated, when they should be flattered and when they should be afraid.
If we continue to make light of the importance of consent, even in a fantasy story, it sends a mixed message and I think at this particular point in history, that isn’t an appropriate thing to do. That’s why all stories that are published in Sensual Enchantment take depictions of consent very seriously. It can be verbal or non-verbal but stories that appear in my publication make it clear that even if a character is nervous or has reservations, he or she is embracing and agreeing to what is happening to them.
© Copyright, Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love.
