How I Learned to Resolve My Anger Without Hurting Someone

The best gift I ever gave myself.

Anger is such a bitch. When I’m angry, I try to avoid the mirror. I tend to isolate myself completely. I clench my teeth, stomp my feet, hit my hand on anything close, and I stutter when I speak. Little things can trigger my anger. I can only think of the negative when I’m angry. I feel like I’m in a bottle with lots of emotions brewing inside me.

I hate myself when I’m angry. When I get into a fight, it’s either you kill me, or we both die. That’s how terrifying my anger gets. So, to avoid reaching my boiling limit, I suppress my anger and keep myself locked up.

During a family dispute with my half-brother, I suppressed my anger towards my brother and held a grudge for the pain he caused us (my mum and siblings). He had betrayed us and treated us like an outcast. As the first son, tradition gives him the right to decide who gets what as an inheritance. He didn’t want to give anything to my brothers. Women hardly inherit anything, and when they did it was usually education. At least my dad believed so.

So my mum was left with no choice but to apply for reading my dad’s will. She was my dad’s only legal wife, and that’s something my elder brother didn’t want to accept. The consequences of what he caused were so difficult for me and my siblings to handle. The thought of someone telling me to try to forgive him made my blood boil.

Why should I forgive him? Why would he get away with all he did to us? It infuriated me. I would rant until I could barely hear myself. It’s hard not to focus on revenge when I’m in pain. Slowly, I let anger control me. But, as I healed, I learned something that set my mind free. Anger is like bondage. It tucks you into a small container, you boil inside, expecting the container to expand, but it doesn’t.

Now I can’t remember the last time I got so mad that I hated myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t get angry. I now have more control over who let anger me and how I react when provoked.

I’ve discovered that the most effective cures for anger and depression are often free, painless, and fun. When I changed some habits that triggered my anger, I returned to my normal self in less than a year.

Stay away from coffee.

The physical sensations that preceded my mood swings were nerves — handshakes, shaky voice, and a rapid heartbeat resulting from drinking too much coffee. According to experts, caffeine found in coffee causes alertness and high blood pressure. I also noticed that drinking coffee after 5 pm made me lose sleep, which increased my anxiety in the morning.

I decided to eliminate coffee and replaced it with tea. Shortly after removing the caffeine from my bloodstream, I stopped feeling moody and agitated all the time. My heart rate became stable. The physical sensations that accompanied anxiety disappeared, and I began to feel calmer.

Herbal tea help soothe the nerves and improve focus. Teas like chamomile contain the same brain receptors that sedatives, such as valium do. Peppermint tea, packed with herbs, helps to calm the muscles and prevents jittery. Drinking about half a cup of green tea a day lowers the risk of developing depression and dementia.

Writing is therapeutic

Anger destroys your confidence, your productivity, your relationships, and your ability to enjoy life. For a long time, I thought I was going crazy. I was convinced there was no hope for me. It sucked to see me helpless and dependent. Anger and anxiety became my new best friends. I didn’t know how to shake it. One half of me was a raging beast while the other half tried to keep it together.

I took refuge in reading spiritual books and writing short stories for a living. I soon discovered that writing was therapeutic. It became a place where I could authentically connect with my inner world. Writing became my most reliable way of processing emotions that I didn’t even know were inside me since childhood. I discovered shame, anger, fear, sadness, and self-pity.

With meditation, I learned to accept my pain, even if only for a short period, and then surround it with tender love and care. My pain was part of me, and I was tired of running away from it. It was time for me to face it. So to remove the suppressed emotions that had trapped me for decades, I had to accept them-the anger, the shame, and grief.

Practice self-care

If we have habitually neglected our bodies and ignored our emotions, we must return to taking care of the mind and body and practice healing habits that give us a feeling of well-being. Self-care reconnects with your authentic self, returns you to a relaxed and flexible state of mind.

Take the time to relax and be alone, go out into nature, make art, listen to music while cooking your favorite dinner, meditate to clear your mind and relax your body, take a bubble bath or take a nap to recover. Take care of yourself to awaken the simple joy and pleasures of life that will nurture your body, mind, and spirit.

Confront your anger

I learned to bury my pain deep inside, feeling invisible, ashamed, angry, alone, and unable to speak up when I was wronged. I tried to hide the pain from others and myself, built walls, put on masks, and moved on. And when I speak up, It was in a rave. I have lost friends because of my text messages or rants when I am furious.

There are ways to express your anger without creating that negative reaction that you avoid. You don’t have to attack another person. I learned to communicate and show my discomfort before boiling with anger. Sometimes simply accepting that we don’t like something and expressing it can prevent a total outburst.

It is important to remember that anger does not have to be negative. It can help us communicate with others how we feel. We can express anger in a way that is neither aggressive nor harmful. We don’t have to be afraid to show our emotions because we shouldn’t give them the power to control us.

Don’t expect people to know why you are angry if they don’t tell you. It’s nice to want some space, but don’t scare people away. A good cry to get things out is okay, and remember, the person you see in the mirror when you’re angry is just a part of you, not all of you. It is important to tell people when they’ve wronged you rather than keeping it all bottled inside.

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