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Abstract

before the talk started, we all had to stare into someone’s eyes for 3 minutes.</p><p id="fe37">The catch: you weren’t allowed to stare into your friend's eyes or your partner’s eyes, you had to pick someone from the audience that was <i>a stranger</i> to you.</p><p id="677e">This might not seem like a big deal, but it was actually a very intense (and quite uncomfortable) experience, that I still remember clearly to this day.</p><p id="43df">When Tim Ferris described the ‘eye gazing’ exercise in his book, I knew I had to try it. These are the instructions he gives:</p><ul><li>Focus on one eye and be sure to blink occasionally so you don’t look like a psychopath or get your ass kicked.</li><li>In conversation, maintain eye contact when you are speaking. It’s easy to do while listening.</li><li>Practice with people bigger or more confident than yourself. If a passerby asks you what the hell you’re staring at, just smile and respond, “Sorry about that. I thought you were an old friend of mine.”</li></ul><h2 id="042f">2. Lying down in public spaces</h2><p id="78b2">This was a difficult one for me. The exercise itself is also simple enough, but it took a lot of courage for me to actually do it:</p><p id="00b3">The next time you find yourself in a public space (for example, a train station or a mall) simply lie flat on your back for 30 seconds. If someone asks you if anything’s wrong, just smile and respond: “No, I’m fine.”</p><p id="86bc">That’s it!</p><p id="5bf7">This is such a powerful exercise because you have to force yourself to do something embarrassing. Something that pushes the social norms.</p><p id="c65b">And if you’re like me, you’ll probably feel very, very awkward. But you’ll also feel very proud after having done it.</p><p id="4764">I learned a valuable lesson from it: doing something weird or embarrassing isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s quite freeing!</p><h2 id="34e1">3. Follow a different route home</h2><p id="71de">This one is less scary, but still a very valuable exercise: if you always take the same route to go home (for example when returning from work or the supermarket), try a different route for once.</p><p id="7b16">We get so stuck in our routines that we tend to do things on autopilot. If we take a different route, it forces us to become aware of our direct environment again.</p><p id="a660">It forces us to break a pattern.</p><p id="69aa">For me, these three exercises have proven to be very valuable. I still get awkward and anxious from time to time.</p><p id="b725">But I’ve also learned that I don’t want my fear of potential embarrassment to guide my actions and decision. Doing something new can be scary, but it’s also liberating.</p><p id="5d55">As I w

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rote in my story on <a href="https://readmedium.com/why-i-like-rejection-a8eba06da0ff">why I like rejection</a>, sometimes it takes actively pursuing what you’re scared of to be able to fully look your fear in the eyes.</p><p id="8278">And if you do enough scary things, they end up not being so scary anymore. As Robin S. Sharma said:</p><blockquote id="2983"><p>“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”</p></blockquote><p id="15a8">If you enjoy reading stories like these and want to support me as a writer, consider <a href="https://miralucas.medium.com/membership">signing up to become a Medium member</a>. It’s $5 a month, giving you unlimited access to stories on Medium. If you <a href="https://miralucas.medium.com/membership">sign up using my link</a>, I’ll earn a small commission.</p><div id="1288" class="link-block"> <a href="https://betterhumans.pub/3-underrated-income-streams-for-writers-9680eaf569ba"> <div> <div> <h2>3 Underrated Income Streams for Writers</h2> <div><h3>Three sources of work that actually make me a decent amount of money</h3></div> <div><p>betterhumans.pub</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*baHe2mm_fbfU43e6)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="f910" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/i-went-on-my-first-tinder-date-93d8b0fb6d3c"> <div> <div> <h2>I Went On My First Tinder Date</h2> <div><h3>And everything went wrong</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*7XXUAg3aRr-y94VB)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="0d42" class="link-block"> <a href="https://writingcooperative.com/starting-as-a-full-time-freelance-writer-with-no-financial-safety-net-89020a576236"> <div> <div> <h2>Starting as a Full-Time Freelance Writer With No Financial Safety Net</h2> <div><h3>The four things I did to make it work</h3></div> <div><p>writingcooperative.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*NMwNfbBdSyGd11xE)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

How I Got Out of My Comfort Zone

Three weird exercises that actually helped me in pushing my boundaries and building courage

I don’t consider myself to be a very brave person. A lot of things scare me: spiders, heights, public speaking, small confined spaces.

One of the things that scare me most is embarrassing myself. I still wake up at night, cringing about all the times I said something weird, all the times I made a fool of myself, all the times I made a social faux pas.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I’m not a big fan of leaving my comfort zone.

I love sitting on my couch in my pajamas, reading my favorite book.

I love my routines. I love knowing what’s expected of me. I love doing things the right way.

But, as Vincent van Gogh said:

“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”

So this year, one of my new year’s resolutions was to try to get out of my comfort zone more often.

To hold myself accountable, I decided I should do at least one thing that was out of my comfort zone each and every day.

Often, this simply meant saying ‘yes’ when I secretly wanted to say ‘no’.

Yes, I’ll go the party where I barely know anyone. Yes, I’ll give a workshop. Yes, I’ll take out the spider without killing it first.

But sometimes, I tried to do actual exercises to force myself out of my comfort zone. Here, I’ve listed three exercises that worked for me.

As Roy T. Bennett wrote:

“Real change is difficult at the beginning, but gorgeous at the end. Change begins the moment you get the courage and step outside your comfort zone; change begins at the end of your comfort zone.”

Three exercises to get out of your comfort zone

The first two exercises I got from Tim Ferris, who describes different comfort zone challenges in his famous book The 4-hour Workweek.

The first one is quite simple, but very challenging at the same time:

1. Practice eye gazing

My university once organized an event on intimacy. I went to a talk where, before the talk started, we all had to stare into someone’s eyes for 3 minutes.

The catch: you weren’t allowed to stare into your friend's eyes or your partner’s eyes, you had to pick someone from the audience that was a stranger to you.

This might not seem like a big deal, but it was actually a very intense (and quite uncomfortable) experience, that I still remember clearly to this day.

When Tim Ferris described the ‘eye gazing’ exercise in his book, I knew I had to try it. These are the instructions he gives:

Focus on one eye and be sure to blink occasionally so you don’t look like a psychopath or get your ass kicked.
In conversation, maintain eye contact when you are speaking. It’s easy to do while listening.
Practice with people bigger or more confident than yourself. If a passerby asks you what the hell you’re staring at, just smile and respond, “Sorry about that. I thought you were an old friend of mine.”

2. Lying down in public spaces

This was a difficult one for me. The exercise itself is also simple enough, but it took a lot of courage for me to actually do it:

The next time you find yourself in a public space (for example, a train station or a mall) simply lie flat on your back for 30 seconds. If someone asks you if anything’s wrong, just smile and respond: “No, I’m fine.”

That’s it!

This is such a powerful exercise because you have to force yourself to do something embarrassing. Something that pushes the social norms.

And if you’re like me, you’ll probably feel very, very awkward. But you’ll also feel very proud after having done it.

I learned a valuable lesson from it: doing something weird or embarrassing isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s quite freeing!

3. Follow a different route home

This one is less scary, but still a very valuable exercise: if you always take the same route to go home (for example when returning from work or the supermarket), try a different route for once.

We get so stuck in our routines that we tend to do things on autopilot. If we take a different route, it forces us to become aware of our direct environment again.

It forces us to break a pattern.

For me, these three exercises have proven to be very valuable. I still get awkward and anxious from time to time.

But I’ve also learned that I don’t want my fear of potential embarrassment to guide my actions and decision. Doing something new can be scary, but it’s also liberating.

As I wrote in my story on why I like rejection, sometimes it takes actively pursuing what you’re scared of to be able to fully look your fear in the eyes.

And if you do enough scary things, they end up not being so scary anymore. As Robin S. Sharma said:

“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”

If you enjoy reading stories like these and want to support me as a writer, consider signing up to become a Medium member. It’s $5 a month, giving you unlimited access to stories on Medium. If you sign up using my link, I’ll earn a small commission.