How I Developed a Healthier Relationship With my Body

As a woman in her mid-twenties

Growing up as a girl is not easy for a lot of different reasons. All women I know were subjected to scrutiny all their lives. Some feel pressured to succeed in school so they can prove themselves, others don’t even have that option and are relegated to a position as housewives.

Additionally, most of them always felt like they had to look a certain way, to be successful in their professional, personal, and romantic lives. At least I know I did.

From a very young age, I was told I was too fat. I was forced into my first diet when I was seven or eight years old. At that time, I didn’t think too much about it, but as I began middle school, my body image started being a problem.

Somewhere around the seventh grade, I started being interested in boys. I was always ignored, so I concluded that my appearance was the problem. I remember thinking: “You can’t change the fact you are ugly. But you can lose weight. There is no excuse for that”.

From then on, I became obsessed with the scale. When a certain boy showed interest in me, I would weigh myself and work hard to keep that number (or a lower one) to make sure his interest wouldn’t fade away.

This, however, was not enough. Even when I was satisfied with the number on the scale, there would be something else. I would then focus on my body hair or skin.

It didn’t help that my older sister had the same kind of behavior and train of thought, which perpetuated the need to be validated by others, regarding my physical appearance.

So I dieted a lot. I went to numerous dietitians who prescribed me 1200 calories per day. These worked for a while. Then my body started to complain, making me eat a ton of food to compensate for all the previous restrictions.

Luckily, at around 22, I started coming across many body-positive messages. This helped me come to terms with my appearance.

I am, of course, still working to accept myself. I still have the urge to step on the scale compulsively, and sometimes want to shave my whole body to feel more feminine. But I keep following steps that bring me closer to success.

…

Disclaimer: I am not a dietitian or health professional. I am here to share what works for me, what made me feel at peace, and to show you that is possible to break free from restrictions.

Most of my progress was made possible thanks to the help of a therapist and a good support group.

If you are struggling with this type of issue, please consider asking for help.

…

I only follow body-positive influencers

This one was a game changer. My whole life I was told only thin women could be successful or worthy of love. My opinion started to (slowly) change when I decided to follow body-positive influencers of all shapes and sizes.

I will admit: at first, some of these profiles didn’t sit well with me. I thought these women and men were promoting an unhealthy lifestyle, and I felt uncomfortable looking at their pictures.

Soon, I realized I was wrong, and they were doing an important job, showing me that I had a limited perception of beauty and health. Above all, they normalize what is already normal but perceived by the diet culture as “wrong”.

I now follow the work of many body-positive influencers that reassure me, every day, that I am worthy of love and care, despite my appearance.

It breaks my heart when I listen to my 10-year-old cousin saying she’s “too fat”, or “too ugly”. I hope she gets to see the positive side of social media, not the one that tells her she needs to change.

Some of my favorite influencers are: aspoonfulofalice, alexlight_ldn, danielleisanxious, and abbeyskitchen.

I keep the scale away

Most days, I look in the mirror and feel like a sexy, confident woman.

Other days, I feel like a disgusting failure. This only happens, however, when I weigh myself.

When I don’t rely on a number, I don’t go into a downward spiral.

So I decided to stop inflicting pain on myself. I just keep the scale way, focus on my happy reflection, and remind myself of all the things that make me what I am.

The weight stopped being part of the equation of my self-worth, and I am much freer now.

I listen to my cravings and hunger cues

When you have to pee do you stop yourself from going to the toilet? No? So why don’t you eat whenever your stomach starts growling?

Our bodies are amazing machines that give us cues about what they need. So, when they tell us they need food, it is because THEY DO. Besides, many studies show us that “starvation” and “self-imposed dieting” result in emotional distress.

So I decided I didn’t want to suffer anymore and started paying attention to my hunger cues. Now I eat whenever I am hungry and stop eating whenever I feel I don’t need more food.

It is not an exact science, but it has released me, reducing food-related stress.

Even when I am struggling I try to remember: I deserve to eat even if I ate a whole cow the day before.

And so do you.

Follow The Orange Journal so you don’t miss a post. Do you love to write about self-improvement and personal development? Learn how to be added as a writer here. 🍊