PARENTING

How I am Preparing to Leave One Of My Favorite People

Dropping my daughter off at school 3,000 miles away

It’s almost time for the dreaded day. This extraordinary milestone of when your child becomes an adult and is off to face life without you.

The day that I’ve been bursting into tears over at random moments this week.

One of my favorite people on this planet, my firstborn daughter, is headed off to a dance conservatory on the east coast.

I am in California, so it’s not just a hop, skip, jump away.

I treasure this girl. If I had to list one of my most prized possessions, she would be it. Obviously, she is not my possession, but you get the gist.

No physical thing is more important than my girl.

The process of letting go started before her senior year was over and now the time is too close for comfort.

For me, it is dropping my daughter off at a specialized school.

For other parents, it is most likely time to drop your kid off at university. If you have been there or are about to, I see you and I feel what you are going through.

Coping with this difficult transition

As new parents, this is an event in the distant future. Although, time speeds and goes by too fast, and all of a sudden, you are at this very moment.

Your child is ready to fly the coup.

Most parents aren’t ready for it.

During the last few months of their senior year, they start to pull away, little by little.

They are getting ready to take flight and be independent. This is what you’ve raised them to do but why is it so hard?

Your child becomes a piece of you. You become attached over the years so it’s no wonder why this moment is so difficult.

Being a parent is a full-time job and one that I’ve had for the past 18 years and suddenly, my daughter will be living on her own, many miles away, starting the next chapter of her life.

The next few chapters that I will only be sprinkled in. Even though I am so proud of the young lady that she has become and how fiercely independent she is, I am struggling and beginning to grieve the loss.

This is what I wanted for her. I wanted her to gain independence and be able to take care of herself. But, part of me wishes she would live with me forever which is not feasible.

I am reminding myself that just because she will be far away doesn’t mean that our bond will diminish. I am coping by reminding myself.

With the use of modern technology, it will be easy to keep in touch and see what she is doing.

I am coping by planning all her holiday visits back home.

I cope by telling her how much I love her and that I will always be there for her.

I cope by letting it all out, like a blubbering idiot, and remind myself that these feelings are natural and expected.

A huge chunk of my heart is about to be ripped out in a few days.

There is so much advice out there stating that you should wait until after you drop them off to break down. Who can do that? I am not a skilled actor.

Her childhood and all the moments that come into my mind, make it hard for me not to weep and grieve that part of my life with her that is over.

How I am preparing for this transition

I’ve gathered some pictures and sentiments that I will bring with me. I plan to give them to her when I say goodbye.

I’ve written a letter describing how proud I am of her and all of her accomplishments. Dad and sister are doing the same.

I’ll have a big box of Kleenex in the car for when I drive away. I saw a great meme the other day of a mom with her glasses stuffed with Kleenex so that she could drive home.

Genius.

I could have used that valuable information when I went through her disappointing pre-prom moment. I could barely see the road between the blur.

When I get home

It’s a good thing I found writing this year. Processing this transition through writing allows me to release the feelings and not keep them bottled up inside.

That was always a trigger for me. I will not drink over this. What good would that do anyway?

So, I have a few hobbies set in place, too and it’s not like I will be alone at home. My younger daughter, who is a sophomore, will keep me busy for a little while.

Projects, writing a book, working, reading, and painting a few rooms in my house should keep my crying at bay.

Although, I think I will paint her room last to save myself some tears. But, before she comes home for Thanksgiving so it’s nice and fresh as it’s been years since we’ve painted.

I believe that filling your time with new exciting things will make the grieving process manageable. I know, I am not losing her forever, but a part of me is losing a part of her.

Does that even make sense? Who knows but here I am writing to process.

When I say that final goodbye

I know in my heart that she is going to do amazing things with her life. She is a strong bull (a real Taurus) and has always been confident, stubborn, and sure of herself.

When I say goodbye, I will remember that.

This is what makes her an amazing dancer and person. Beneath that tough layer, there is a softie, a sweetheart, an amazing daughter, a sister, and a friend.

Here I go crying again.

If you are dealing with this, let me know how you are doing. If you’ve gone through it, what little things helped you along the way?

My heart beams and breaks at the same time. I know it will all be ok and that I just have to trust the process.

Next week will be hard, but I am strong enough, sober enough, and wise enough — I am enough and capable. This is exactly who I wanted to be.

It is who I wanted to be for her and I know she is proud, right back at me.

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Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele