My Mama Bear Heart Was Crushed This Past Weekend

Prom night for my daughter didn’t go as expected

When I gave birth to my first daughter, I envisioned all the beautiful and happy memories that we would have together.

I thought about all the firsts and all the lasts. The first day of school, the first time she rode a bike, first dance class, and the list went on.

I thought about when she would go to prom, graduate, go off to college, get married, and have children. Because that is what we do, right?

Now, I realize I might be a bit shallow and think of everything in a stereotypical way. I should have envisioned her being happy along the way, which is what I really want.

These lists of “shoulds” aren’t a design for happiness but a roadmap that we think we need to follow in order to be happy.

My daughter will be 18 in a few days and she went to her high school prom this past weekend.

She didn’t want the typical prom dress. She likes to shop at thrift stores. She is her own, unique person and I’m glad she is unapologetically herself.

We live in a barbie doll area where it’s pretty cookie-cutter and everyone looks similar. Going against the grain isn’t something that isn’t accepted, especially by the high school girls.

It’s the typical cliques that you witness throughout life, I guess.

My daughter has two sets of friends. Her “old” friends from freshman year and the “new” friends that she fits in with.

Her old friends invited her to go on their party bus with the whole popular crew, none of which my daughter has ever hung out with.

Prom night

Prom night was so magical for me when I was in high school. Why do we compare our childhood with our kid's childhood? Probably because it’s what we know and memories come flooding back in.

My friends and I all got ready together and met our dates at the park. We all took a limo to the prom and had the night of our lives. My friend group was tight all throughout high school.

My daughter didn’t have the same experience. We are not the same person and don’t need to have the same experience yet many times my heartstrings are pulled too tight that they might snap.

Her friend group fluctuated throughout middle school and high school. She found her most recent friend group towards the end of her junior year. Although she still talks to some of her past friends, they aren’t close anymore.

Most groups ride on party buses to the school dances now. Somehow she missed the boat on the party bus she wanted to be on with her current group of friends but her old friends invited her to come with them, so we thought everything would work out great.

Remember, this group is the popular barbie doll group, think of mean girls. If you are in, you are in. If not, you are not good enough.

I can see why she steered away from this group.

She gets ready alone and her old friends all get ready together but they don’t invite her. That was the first stab in the heart.

My beautiful daughter comes down in her $50 dollar vintage Etsy dress and looks beautiful yet I can already see how the night will go. Her makeup is very different, a lot of black eye makeup, and she is wearing her Doc Martens with her dress.

She is her own person with her own style and she doesn’t care that she won’t fit in with the group. I shouldn’t care either but I know how mean girls are.

We show up to the “pre-party” where the kids will eat and take pictures. We walk up and her two old friends, who at this point are fake as ever, start talking with their fake high-pitched voices.

If you’ve ever heard a California valley girl talk, think “oh my god… you look soooooo cute.” But, they don’t mean it and go running off to talk behind your back. That’s exactly how this went.

My daughter looks nothing like the other girls. She doesn’t care but they do. She’s left standing by herself and no one is talking to her.

The other girls are rich in their fancy, $300+ dollar dresses and full of stuck-up attitude.

It is so uncomfortable and I don’t do well in those situations. This is when I would grab a drink but since I don’t do that anymore, I am left to feel all the feels.

It continues this way and one girl, who is more like my daughter, shows up and will talk to her.

The rest of the group steers clear from these two. It is so shallow and I am disgusted. I took one picture and left, with her agreeance, and she said she’d take pictures with her other friends at the prom.

I sobbed during the drive home and almost had to pull over because I couldn't see. My heart was breaking for her and selfishly for me. She is my heart and soul which is why I never want to see her upset or hurt.

I’m sure most parents feel this way.

The day after the prom

Still heartbroken for my daughter, I wake up in a fog. My eyes are still puffy from the crying and horrible night of sleep.

I am really sensitive and try to shrug it off, but just thinking of the incident makes me well up with tears.

Everything changes when my daughter wakes up. She’s beaming and told me she had the time of her life last night.

A wave of relief comes over me and we hug ever so tightly. I confess to her that I was upset that I missed her “prom moment” and that I was bummed things didn’t go as we both envisioned.

But, in the end, I was thrilled to see her face light up as she went through her camera roll, showing me all the fun and silly pictures she took.

What did I learn?

Everything will always end up being ok, no matter what we think will happen. Some things just don’t go as we plan or envision them and it’s alright.

If I handle things half as well as my resilient daughter, I’m winning. She teaches me so many things and I am so blessed that I get to be her mom.

Sometimes you have to go through those uncomfortable moments to find the silver lining.

Thank you for the prompts, Know Thyself Team! Spyder Diana C. Ravyne Hawke jules

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Thanks for reading!

Much love, Michele