Inspiration and Life

How Good Are You at Persuasion?

Become better at persuading others

Are you a very persuasive person? Persuasion is one of the most important skills you can learn, yet few people take the time or effort to do so. It affects everything you do in life. And when I say everything, I do mean everything!

Think about it. On a normal day, how often are you trying to persuade someone, or is someone trying to persuade you? To say quite a lot would be an understatement.

For some, persuasion begins as soon as we wake up. Have you ever wanted to stay in bed but decided you had better get up? Most of us have at some point. We always need to do something that persuades us to get out of bed eventually — things like work.

You can think of persuasion as attempting to influence someone or something, not force them. The person or thing maintains free will to accept or reject the persuasion. You can attempt to persuade someone to see something your way. You can also attempt to persuade a river to flow in a different direction. Your success rate will naturally vary depending on who or what you try to persuade!

Persuasion touches every area of life in every interaction. Such interactions can come in written, spoken, broadcast, verbal, non-verbal, art, photos, videos, and almost any other form of communication imaginable. Persuasion permeates our daily lives through every interaction we have with someone else. It also permeates our everyday lives through mass media, news, advertising, politics, social media, society, work, and many other ways. It is inescapable!

“Not brute force but only persuasion and faith are the kings of this world.” Thomas Carlyle (1795–1881)

You are blind until you see it

The first and most important thing you can do about persuasion is to notice it as it happens. There are two sides to the persuasion coin. On one side is someone or something attempting to persuade you. On the other side, is you trying to persuade someone or something else.

Until you see both sides of the coin, you are likely a pawn or are attempting to make someone else a pawn. That does not sound too enticing, does it? None of us like being used without our knowledge, and none of us should desire to use someone else without their knowledge.

By becoming aware of when persuasion is happening, you gain power over it. So long as you are unaware of being persuaded, it has power over you. When it has power over you, there is a greater chance someone else will get what they want at your expense. And the same could be said about you getting something from someone else at their expense.

The effect of persuasion

How does persuasion look in the real world? Suppose someone comes to you at work asking if you have a minute. The normal courtesy is to say yes. This was their first persuasion.

They ask a question to subtly prod you to take some of your valuable time to do something for them. Before you know it, they have persuaded you a second time. This happened as soon as you accepted the task. You might not do it if you realized they were using the power of persuasion to manipulate you. They know you are a nice person and took advantage of you.

When you don’t realize someone is trying to persuade you, you are more susceptible to being persuaded.

Another example is your spouse starts talking about taking a cruise and how nice it would be to have a little getaway. Over time, they drop hints to persuade you to desire it as well. In a few months, you will find yourself on a cruise ship, enjoying it immensely. Yes, I speak this from personal experience!

Not all persuasion is bad! But it is helpful to realize that when someone attempts to persuade you, they want something from you. That is what persuasion is — someone trying to get something from you, or you trying to get something from someone else. It could be money, time, agreement, help, affection, something material, or practically anything else on which you can make a decision. Or it could be something as simple as agreeing with them and seeing things their way.

Unless you become aware of persuasion’s who, what, where, when, how, and why, you will be subject to it without realizing it. When you wake up and become aware of it, you gain control. Better you control it than it control you, don’t you think?

“Persuasion is often more effectual than force.” Aesop (c. 620–564)

Using persuasion in life

As important as it is to realize when someone is trying to persuade you, it is equally important to recognize when you are the one doing the persuading. When you understand what you are doing and for what reason, it can make all the difference in the world.

Like most things in life, you can use persuasion for good or bad. The bad use of persuasion is maliciously manipulating someone. While it may be easy to fall into the trap of trying to manipulate someone, please don’t go there! It is as wrong for you to attempt to manipulate another person as it is for them to attempt to manipulate you. You can manipulate yourself all you want but leave others alone.

If you use persuasion for good, you can be transparent and let the person know you wish to persuade them. If you do it as subterfuge, stop!

“To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful.” Edward R. Murrow (1908–1965)

You will undoubtedly go through life trying to persuade others to see things your way as they will attempt to do so with you. That is part of life, and it is a part of being human. Remember, when you bring persuasion into the light, it loses its power and can become good, or at least honest.

When you are honest about persuasion, you can build trust. When you are not honest about it, you can destroy it. Which do you prefer?

“The only form of ethical persuasion that exists is when the goals of the persuader are aligned with the goals of the persuadee.” Tristan Harris (1983-present)

Final thoughts

We have only lightly touched on the power and potential of persuasion in this article. It is a subject well worth studying, and the more you see it and understand its power, the better off you will be in life. Why not invest time learning about and understanding this important subject and build your skills?

See persuasion for what it is, a crucial part of every life on earth. Recognize it whenever you can. Bring it into the light where it can do less harm. Use persuasion for good, not for selfishness.

Remember these three things about persuasion:

• Good persuasion attempts to influence someone, not manipulate or force them.
• You always have the freedom to make your own decision to accept or reject the influence of the persuader. This is why noticing persuasion is essential.
• If someone has persuaded you to believe something or think in a certain way, you always have the right to change your mind!

Why not develop your power of persuasion and use it for good to make the world a better place!

“In the end, people are persuaded not by what we say, but by what they understand.” John C. Maxwell (1947-present)

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Bill Abbate Leadership Writer and Editor in ILLUMINATION

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