How Do You Date During a Pandemic?

Summary

The author discusses the challenges of dating during the pandemic, including the difficulties of meeting new people through activities and wearing cute outfits due to closures, and the lack of options for dates beyond eating in cars.

Abstract

The author, who is recently single, discusses her struggles with dating during the pandemic. She mentions that she has a profile on a fetish site, which has led to a long list of potential suitors, but that she has found it difficult to date guys who have seen her naked before meeting her. She also mentions that she has had several coronavirus scares and that indoor dining is closed, making it difficult to go on dates. She expresses frustration at not being able to wear her new outfits and suggests a dating event where people can dance and talk after getting their COVID shots.

Opinions

The author believes that there is a lack of buildup and excitement when dating guys who have seen her naked on a sex site.
The author is frustrated with the lack of options for dating during the pandemic, including the closure of indoor dining and the inability to wear cute new outfits.
The author suggests a dating event where people can dance and talk after getting their COVID shots as a way to meet new people and have fun during the pandemic.

I chose the wrong time to be single.

Sorry dudes, I don’t look this good on a first date (Photo by Christina Moroz on Unsplash)

As much as separating and divorcing sucks balls, there’s still hope. Hope that the existing pain will finally end and hope for new relationships.

Unless you chose to end your marriage in 2020.

For a lot of us, the pandemic was the catalyst for the end of our relationships. Being cooped up 24/7 was either going to make or break couples. My marriage was on life support before coronavirus so being jailed with my husband was, and still is, nothing short of torture.

Despite the drama, I was excited to finally put my heart somewhere where it wouldn’t get gutted as it did for years. Fortunately for me, I have a profile on a fetish site which means I have an endless list of guys who want to meet me. I’m not saying that because I’m conceited; I’m saying that because supply and demand on a fetish site mean no matter what you look like, if you have a vajayjay you’ll have a long line of suitors.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned that trying to date guys who have seen you naked before they’ve met you is less than ideal.

I know that guys these days ask for naked pictures before first dates (according to my single friends). I have no issues sending suggestive pictures to a guy before a meeting. However, these are guys who have seen my entire body naked for years because it was the only way I could get any male validation since my husband didn’t want to have sex with me.

If you’re naked on a sex site, guys naturally assume that you’ll have sex with them on a date.

I don’t blame them for thinking that way, it’s not like it’s AmishDating.com (no idea if that’s a real dating site, check that URL at your own risk). But there is a lot more sexiness and fun to be had when there’s uncertainty about getting naked. It’s exciting when there’s buildup. There’s no buildup with a guy who has seen you use every sex toy on the planet on your clit.

So where does that leave me?

I should join some clubs. A guy invited me to go indoor rock climbing, which I would enjoy because I can pretend to be athletic. Years ago, I worked with a guy who took dance classes, and from what I recall, it’s hard for guys to find female dance partners. I have no problems hitting up the dance school by me and telling them, “hey if there are guys needing a dance partner who can’t move her feet worth shit, give them my info and I’ll join them.”

But…I’m cockblocked by this new wave of COVID. If you’re not in the United States, then you’re not aware that this country is breaking all kinds of records for daily deaths. In the past week, I’ve had four coronavirus scares (3 of us in my house have had to get tested on different days. Getting a ginormous Q-tip up your cranium isn’t fun.)

I think I’m getting a little too excited to get my dating on (I’ve dabbled a bit but nothing recently because I’m too busy standing in line at urgent care for my nose to be raped by a swab). Thanks to Black Friday and holiday sales, I’ve bought way too many sexy and cute date outfits.

Why would I bother doing that? Indoor dining is closed and I would consider wearing these outfits around the house if my kids weren’t home all the time. My children like to use me as a human napkin and I refuse to get their french-fried greasy fingers on my new dresses.

can’t meet anyone through activities because…everything is closed

can’t wear cute new outfits because…everything is closed

can’t go on dates because other than eating burgers in our cars…everything is closed

can get laid but shouldn’t because…everything is closed

I have an idea for a dating event. Everyone makes an appointment to get their COVID shots. Once you get your shot, you’re escorted to another room where masks are removed. From there, people can dance and talk. Nothing says chemistry and romance than a bandage with a card that reads I Was Inoculated Today.

Until then, I’ll go back to staring at my new clothes and shoes. I recently bought two different pairs of the sexiest red heels on earth. Maybe I’ll wear them while I vacuum the house. Like Cinderella unable to go to the ball, I’ll be the prettiest girl in gorgeous shoes cleaning her house while never going outside.

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