How Do We Create Safe LGBTQ Spaces? Bring the Bars Back?

A Prism & Pen writers prompt

This morning in Prism & Pen, Sam Chavez wrote about The Loss of Queer Safe Spaces, asking questions that are on many queer people’s minds lately. With violence and political oppression surging in the U.S. and globally, we especially need safe physical community now. But finding it seems (much?) harder than in the past.

Sam cites the precipitous decline of the traditional gay bar as one factor in the loss of safe space, and from my perspective as an older gay person, I agree. I came out of the closet as a late teen in a series of baby steps that first took me to bars where I could find and experience joy with my people. Even in conservative Des Moines of the late 70s and early 80s, at least three “gay” bars served queer people as community hubs and homes away from home.

I put “gay” in quotation marks because during that era, the word still had umbrella-identity connotations that words like “queer” and “LGBTQ” serve better today.

I’ve often written about my Des Moines Shangri-La, the Question Mark Bar & Grill, whose only sign was a pulsing pink neon question mark over blacked out doors and windows. You can find some of my stories about the Question Mark linked in, When Gay Bars Were Church, Trans Men and Lesbians Attended — along with positive and negative commentary on that era’s queer community spaces:

Bars like the Question Mark are vanishing, if not altogether gone. You can find neighborhood queer bars where ordinary LGBTQ people hang out and know each other’s names, but at least in the U.S., places like that are now exceptional rather than ordinary.

As I wrote to Sam in a comment this morning, I think bars are dying because for a long time, we stopped feeling like we needed them:

In some ways, we’re doing it to ourselves. For all the important community functions ordinary queer bars served back in the day, they also served as focal points for meeting new people, potentially sexual/romantic partners. If you were lonely and wanted a date and didn’t have any idea how to meet a fellow queer person, your best and perhaps only option was to go to a gay bar.

People generally don’t do that today. We turn to apps instead. They’re more reliable, they put us in touch with a broader variety of people, and (this is important to many) they don’t involve walking into an environment where alcohol is popular.

With the rise of dating/hookup apps, people felt less need to frequent queer bars, even though our need for community safe spaces had not diminished.

I watched bars struggle to stay open as their custom declined and kept declining — even as they heroically strived to offer community and stay relevant.

Is this a particular U.S. phenomenon? I don’t know. We don’t really have a British style pub culture here. Are queer pubs healthier in the U.K., Australia, NZ, SA, etc because pub culture is more vibrant in those places? I’d like to hear from people in those nations and others.

How Do We Create Safe LGBTQ Spaces?

That’s our Prism & Pen writing prompt for the next two weeks. Are the bars coming back? I don’t think so. What do you think? If they don’t come back, how should we or can we create the safe community spaces we need?

Some say the growing network of queer community centers (see CenterLink for resources near you) can or will take up the slack. I don’t know. Even though I met my first husband in the garden of the 13th St LGBT Center in Greenwich Village, and even though centers offer great activities from knitting, to book clubs, to travel groups, sports and 12-step programs, they seldom offer spaces for random queer people to just drop in and hang out — like we used to do in the bars.

So, what are your ideas? What can we do? What am I missing? What are we already doing that I don’t know about and that you can write about for P&P readers?

I’m focusing on the U.S., but Prism & Pen readers and writers span the English-speaking world. What are queer community spaces like in your country, and what are your ideas for expanding access to safe community spaces?

It’s time to write!

Quills out, editorial support available! Even if you don’t think of yourself as a writer, P&P editors can help you make your story look sharp and professional. Your voice is what matters, not your skill level.

Also, you don’t have to submit stories to P&P based on our prompts. You can submit stories about anything in the LGBTQ universe, whenever you like. Please do!

You tell your stories, we’ll help you share them.

Please send in your essays, poems, short fiction, memoir, or history. Don’t forget film, TV, and art reviews.

If you’ve not yet written for P&P, here are our submissions guidelines and procedures:

Stories so far:

Esther Spurrill-Jones, BFoundAPen, Kathy Lee Tolleth, Brian Pelletier, Fred Shirley, Ikedi Oghenetega, neil chapman, David Wade Chambers, Artemis Shishir, alto, Sean Stephane Martin, Gabriela Penelope Carolus, Lois Shearing, b.henriques, Carl Rebeiro 🏳️‍🌈, Rodney Frazier, Simon, Carl Rebeiro, Brian Fehler, Deneishia Jacobpito, Chris Hedges, Kathy Lee Tolleth, Brian Pelletier, Alex David Bevan, Ikedi Oghenetega, David Wade Chambers, Sean Stephane Martin, Gabriela Penelope Carolus, Lois Shearing, Valentine Wiggin, b.henriques, Carl Rebeiro, Rodney Frazier, Simon Z. Brian Fehler, Cassie Brighter, Deneishia Jacobpito, James Patrick Nelson, Brigid Maloney, Gabriela, Presley Thomas, Evan McCoy, Loren Olson, Ken Wilson, Chandler Myer, NaNa’sworld, Arabelle J., Liam Heitmann-Ryce, Prickly Pam, Dawn McGrath, Jonathan | sex & theology, Tabitha Lowndes, Emma Nwosisi, Melissa Speed, Dr. Thomas J. West, Till Kaeslin, Dave Smurthwaite, Ellie Rebecca, Zoey Milford, Edris Quinn C., Dennett, Michael Constable, Jim Martens, Stephen Foster, Kravitz M. Kristen Nadel, William Kuhn, Denisa Bogdan, MSci, Rafaela Mempin, Tre L. Loadholt, theoaknotes, Rachel Brindell, Elle Fredine, Jess Darnell, Emma Holiday, Gabe Evaristo, Joshua Mackey, Steve Alexander, Stevie Wilkinson, Andy Killoran, Nick Bundarin, ElMehdi El Azhary, Bradley Wester, Stella Luna (they/she?), Chuy G. Gonzalez, MS, Aaron W. Marrs, Tima Loku, Cam, The Transgender Therapist, Sean Bennett, Ty Bo Yule, Alessia Autumn, Allen R. Marquez, Spencer James, Mary-Ellen Maynard, Gaby Spadaro, Elena Joy Thurston, Mina Krane, Jason Masters, Jeff Harvey, Laurence Best, Don Stouder, J. S. Richards, Fiona Feng, Yvonne Borgquist, Sarah McManus MSc, Annabelle Rose, Laura Silverstein, LCSW, Kyla Sawyer, Ellen Caminiti, rowen maeve, Rafaela Mempin, Punch Drunk Cola, Jeff Poole, Mrs. Capricious, Justine L, Patsy Fergusson, John Westphalen, Curtis Harding, Phoenix Huber, Val Servino, Jadon-Maurice Forbes, Molly Martin, Henry Lee Butler, Grey Alexander Crawford, Les Campbell, Casira Copes, Niki Madore, Shachee Swadia, Chevanne Scordinsky, Reis Asher, Jahleel Wasser, Jaimie Brickey, Doody Richards, Patrick Paul, James Fox Jeffries, Alexander Petrovnia, Elaine D Walsh, ƒ Michael Wells, Jack Herlocker, Lindsay Soberano-Wilson, Don Orr Martin, Jackson Banks, Martin Friend, Coby Bronze, Cate Talley, Damian Delune, Emilly Olivares, Sree Jaya, Sogen Ohata, David Arias, Kayla Vokolek, G. L. Balend, Anthony Eichy Eichberger, Shanker Mahadev, Jenna McRae, Jay Rose Ana, Kevin M. Casin, Linda Caroll, Unzip It, Judy McCord, Eric Beach, Dr Jeff Livingston, Topher Bigelow, Christopher Kelly, Joseph Coco, Jordan Michael Becker, syys, Mike Rosebush, PhD, Eilís O’Keeffe, Meghan McKie, Rand Bishop, Ryan Doskocil, Jacob Green, JULIAN GRACIANO NUNEZ, Marcus Davensky, Rebecca Herz, Alexander Tan, X.S., Ken Scout, Kitty Whitemore, Ellison O., Ed Guzzo, KP_the_writer, Judah Leblang, Arthur Keith, Jess Whitehall, Takoda Leighton-Patterson, S. Armstrong, Elena, Dunollie, Rita Malone, Nicole Stewart, Amanda Laughtland, Stephanie Moga, Tyler Albertario, Na.tasha Tr.oop, Suzanna Alastair, Lorelei Weldon, Victoria Stagg Elliott, Staten Blogging, Jaimie Hileman, Roo Benjamin, I. J., Helianthos, Brynn Tannehill, Lari, Amelia Harlow, Mary DeVries, Alyssa Ferguson, Anna, Casey Lawrence, Meagon Nolasco, spoorti, Antoni(a) Ceballos, A. T. Steel, Logan Silkwood, E. Katherine Kottaras, Eugene Pierson, David Moreton, Joanna Miles, Fay Wylde, Mila Bea, Elliott Jacob, Gerald Sturgill, Kim Barrett. Jenny Starr✨, Alex Mell-Taylor, Jonny Masters, Collin McGuinness, Ryan J. Mills, Kyle Palmer, Teresa Wymore, Dan Thomas, Lisa B-L, Lex Laursmith, Skye Mo’ipulelehua Kahoali’i, Mona S Gable, Josie Quinn, Aris Jace, David Milley, Kitty Williams, Josep Ferrer, June Thomas, Steve K, Jennifer Roth-Burnette, Amae, Danni Michaeli, Kai Stowers, Sieran Lane, Michelle Marie Warner, John A. Giurin, Michael Horvich, aleXander hirka, Tyger Songbird, Michelle Paquette, Karyn Marie, Grayson Bell, Laura Albrecht, Simon May, Antonia Ceballos, Tris Harkness, Amber Poe, Tiffany Gibson, Alison Luke, Jamila Johnson, Damian Pak, Jennifer Thompson, Tucker Douglass (He/Him), Demeter V Delune, Vanessa Brown, Amethysta, RileyA, Stephanie Parry, Kaylin Hamilton, Ph.D, Laura Halls, Steve Daniels, James Patrick Nelson, Remy J. Alan 🏳️‍🌈✒️, Harrie Wren, Dee.O, Kathryn J Redman, Joan Rittberg, Luwa Adebanjo, Nicole Anderson, Saoirse, Jack L, Lindsay Soberano Wilson, A.J. Cralle (she, her), SteviLeeAlver, Eleni, Torshie Torto, Sherry Kappel, Eleni Stephanides, K.C. Phipps, Jim Bauman, MJ Rasco, James Alexander,