How do I Maintain a Positive Mental Attitude?

Simple, be positive, go mental, and have an attitude

I’m not the kind of writer to wave tales of positivity around willy nilly, nor am I the kind of contextual deviant to laden my stories with satirical words of wisdom. In fact, if you get off on such shenanigans I strongly suggest you go join your local Satirists Anonymous support group, you’ll find no such nonsense in any of my stories.

Please raise your hand if you have an opinion about my life.

Now put it over your mouth, thank you.

My critics are far too judgmental about me these days. I can tell just by looking at them.

What they call being an ‘underachiever’, I call being an ‘underdog’, what they call carelessness, I call positive risk-taking, they say I’m burnt-out, I say I’m just fucked off. You get the idea.

I didn’t get where I am today by listening to the negativity of naysayers, the bullshit of non-believers or the scorn of scaremongerers. Plus, let’s not lose sight of the fact that that as a burnt-out, wine-sipping stoner, masterfully masquerading as a high functioning member of society, I haven’t got time for such tomfoolery.

Believe you me when I tell you that positive thinking is as essential to life as trash-talk is to Trump. And that’s why knowing your pros from your cons, your uppers from your downers and your ass from your elbow will keep you positive.

I know what you’re thinking — “Lee, this is all very well, but how does one be positive in a world full of arseholes?”

I was positive you were going to ask me that. Here’s my list of life hacks for living a positive life:

Be Positive

1. Don’t forget to be grateful.
2. Live the most authentic life you can.
3. At its worse, avoidance should only ever be a short-term tactic, never a lifestyle choice.
4. Remember that regrets are a waste of fucking time.
5. Make someone’s day.

Go Mental

1. Seek out the nutjobs, the loons and the weirdos, it is from such people that you will learn the most about life.
2. Let people think you’re crazy, what do you care?
3. Start saying yes to every opportunity.
4. When the shit hits the fan scoop it up and throw it back.
5. I recently told my psychiatrist that I’m experiencing voices that command me to write lists. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

Have an Attitude

1. Being a kind and compassionate soul should never stop you telling someone to go fuck themselves.
2. The world is full of arseholes, get over it.
3. A positive mental attitude can only be created by you.
4. Find your authentic attitude to life.
5. Your life is what your attitude makes it.

How many optimists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just find light in the darkness