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Abstract

g in any way. Talking of misunderstandings, the other day I went to the store and got arrested. When the lady at the register said strip down facing me, it turns out she was talking about my credit card. No biggie.</p><p id="1486">Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’, should you continue to be exposed to an unpopular opinion or find yourself engaging in a debate that you yourself feel challenged by, please inform us immediately and we will take swift action to minimise your exposure to such behaviours. We ourselves are all too aware of the impact challenging behaviours can have on a person, particularly with regards to that most insidious of weapons, ‘satire’. We have recently been made aware that there is a Medium satirist that regularly mentions Ev Williams in their stories, for no good reason.</p><div id="1258" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/a-life-sentence-in-curation-jail-5781e6c93ec2"> <div> <div> <h2>A Life Sentence in Curation Jail</h2> <div><h3>Don’t write the line, if you can’t do the time</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*GHk9ZygYB3cljoSa5PbctQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="8d46">We also believe this same individual may be connected to the recent slanderous rumours that Ev Williams has founded a secret innuendo society called ‘The Illuminaughty Club’. Even if this were to be true, here at Medium we are not currently in a position to confirm or deny that the first rule of ‘The Illuminaughty Club’ is that you must come in the back door so you don’t dirty up the front passage.</p><p id="19c0">Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’ such behaviours are unacceptable. If anyone here knows the whereabouts of this individual please inform us immediately. We hate gossipers, they discuss us.</p><p id="a414">The third rule of Medium Fight Club? When it’s your turn to bring snacks, please be mindful of others’ allergies.</p><p id="966f"><i>Is this the real world? Of course, it isn’t.</i></p><p id="a804" type="7">“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.” — Chuck Palahniuk</p><h1 id="5c92">Welcome to the Real Fight Club, Life</h1><p id="4bfd">People always assume I’ve never seen Fight Club, but I just don’t talk about it. Until now.</p><p id="71d2">In every society, there are those that push, it’s good to push. The ‘pushers’ are the people that look at the world differently, don’t accept the status quo, and question popular opinion. The very same people most others call crazy. Why should we never stop pushing?</p><p id="d412" type="7">“Because this is life and it’s ending one moment at a time.” — Chuck Palahniuk</p><p id="8a70">We are constantly trying to control everything. We naively believe t

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hat having everything under control protects us from change. But what happens when all of a sudden something unexpected happens? What happens is that we don’t think straight and we lose control. I’m so glad I’m able to keep a clear head in a crisis. Only the other day I saw a man clutch his chest and collapse to the floor. He begged me to call him a doctor. So I said, “you’re a doctor.”</p><p id="698d">When the shit hits the fan we waste time wondering why no one ever told us this could happen to us. We then start looking for answers in both the future and the past, things get tense and then we disregard the here and now. For far too many of us, the only time we ever get in touch with our inner self is when the local store only has 1 ply toilet paper.</p><p id="c0c2">We talk of ‘safe spaces’ as if it is the words of others, not our somewhat maladaptive emotional responses that are to blame for our collective anxiety. I get it that we fear loss, but to what cost should we let it influence our thoughts, feelings and behaviours?</p><p id="05d4">Life is about taking positive risks. Life itself is the ultimate risk. So, we’ve won a golden ticket to the Theme Park of Life. Are you going to ride the adrenaline driving rollercoaster and have the time of your life? Or take the easiest option and make sure the only thing pushing you around will be a go on the Spinning Teacup Ride?</p><p id="cd39">It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we become free. It’s only when we’ve survived days where the sun only comes up to humiliate us, that we become alive. It’s only when we’ve experienced the loss of hope that we become truly inspired to live a life worth living.</p><p id="d146" type="7">“We are very good at creating safe spaces. We’re not very good at stepping out of them” — ‘The Unknown Medium Satirist’</p><div id="14ab" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-climb-the-ultimate-mountain-476d5aabe070"> <div> <div> <h2>How to Climb the Ultimate Mountain</h2> <div><h3>Whatever you do, don’t look down, look happy</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*1YuAC_Qw-PB7JZeO3LKP5g.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="af73" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/have-you-heard-the-latest-1cfa40c365e0"> <div> <div> <h2>Have You ‘Heard’ the Latest?</h2> <div><h3>How false allegations can get you in Depp shit</h3></div> <div><p></p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*adYUWiYtMgXxK1peLRrgrw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

The First Rule of Medium Fight Club

Never put Ev Williams in a sub-title

If I’ve learnt anything during my three or so years on Medium it’s that if you don’t play by the rules, you’re not getting curated. As Ev Williams is my witness, I’ve also learnt that unnecessarily mentioning Ev Williams in a story will not get you anywhere on this platform. Take heed. Only a fool would do such a thing!

10 Things People Who Don’t Give a Shit Do Differently

A must-read guide to immediate apathy, that’s if you even care

Welcome to Medium Fight Club

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you all. The second rule of ‘Medium Fight Club’ is to try your best and have fun. Participation medals will be handed out at the end, or as they are commonly referred to as ‘The Atrophy of Truth Awards.’ We will also be handing out leaflets on how not to say the wrong thing and avoid getting into fights. Who wants some?

We appreciate that from time to time ‘Medium Fight Club’ may feel like an unsafe space, particularly when faced with opposing views and unpopular opinions. A common unpopular opinion is that deaf people don’t listen.

Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’, we take a zero-tolerance approach to opposing views and unpopular opinions. Rest assured that we actively discourage the challenging of one’s own self. Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’ we offer the easiest option available, avoidance. I love avoidance, particularly when it comes to commitment. Actually, I wouldn’t say that I’m avoiding commitment, but I wouldn’t say that I’m not.

Should you ever feel that you have been offended here at ‘Medium Fight Club’, we will give you all the help and support you need, to reinforce your belief that the blame rests firmly on the shoulders of someone else, regardless of the context, their intention or any misunderstanding in any way. Talking of misunderstandings, the other day I went to the store and got arrested. When the lady at the register said strip down facing me, it turns out she was talking about my credit card. No biggie.

Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’, should you continue to be exposed to an unpopular opinion or find yourself engaging in a debate that you yourself feel challenged by, please inform us immediately and we will take swift action to minimise your exposure to such behaviours. We ourselves are all too aware of the impact challenging behaviours can have on a person, particularly with regards to that most insidious of weapons, ‘satire’. We have recently been made aware that there is a Medium satirist that regularly mentions Ev Williams in their stories, for no good reason.

A Life Sentence in Curation Jail

Don’t write the line, if you can’t do the time

We also believe this same individual may be connected to the recent slanderous rumours that Ev Williams has founded a secret innuendo society called ‘The Illuminaughty Club’. Even if this were to be true, here at Medium we are not currently in a position to confirm or deny that the first rule of ‘The Illuminaughty Club’ is that you must come in the back door so you don’t dirty up the front passage.

Here at ‘Medium Fight Club’ such behaviours are unacceptable. If anyone here knows the whereabouts of this individual please inform us immediately. We hate gossipers, they discuss us.

The third rule of Medium Fight Club? When it’s your turn to bring snacks, please be mindful of others’ allergies.

Is this the real world? Of course, it isn’t.

“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.” — Chuck Palahniuk

Welcome to the Real Fight Club, Life

People always assume I’ve never seen Fight Club, but I just don’t talk about it. Until now.

In every society, there are those that push, it’s good to push. The ‘pushers’ are the people that look at the world differently, don’t accept the status quo, and question popular opinion. The very same people most others call crazy. Why should we never stop pushing?

“Because this is life and it’s ending one moment at a time.” — Chuck Palahniuk

We are constantly trying to control everything. We naively believe that having everything under control protects us from change. But what happens when all of a sudden something unexpected happens? What happens is that we don’t think straight and we lose control. I’m so glad I’m able to keep a clear head in a crisis. Only the other day I saw a man clutch his chest and collapse to the floor. He begged me to call him a doctor. So I said, “you’re a doctor.”

When the shit hits the fan we waste time wondering why no one ever told us this could happen to us. We then start looking for answers in both the future and the past, things get tense and then we disregard the here and now. For far too many of us, the only time we ever get in touch with our inner self is when the local store only has 1 ply toilet paper.

We talk of ‘safe spaces’ as if it is the words of others, not our somewhat maladaptive emotional responses that are to blame for our collective anxiety. I get it that we fear loss, but to what cost should we let it influence our thoughts, feelings and behaviours?

Life is about taking positive risks. Life itself is the ultimate risk. So, we’ve won a golden ticket to the Theme Park of Life. Are you going to ride the adrenaline driving rollercoaster and have the time of your life? Or take the easiest option and make sure the only thing pushing you around will be a go on the Spinning Teacup Ride?

It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we become free. It’s only when we’ve survived days where the sun only comes up to humiliate us, that we become alive. It’s only when we’ve experienced the loss of hope that we become truly inspired to live a life worth living.

“We are very good at creating safe spaces. We’re not very good at stepping out of them” — ‘The Unknown Medium Satirist’