How Coronavirus Lockdown Is Helping Me Realise Who I Really Am
On a busy New York street, the phone was ringing in the telephone booth. Stuart Shepard answered it, without the slightest idea that he would be held hostage in that very phone box by the caller.
The caller threatened Stuart’s life, saying he would kill him if the latter made any attempt to get out of the small structure.
For much of the rest of the 81-minute movie, Stuart remains trapped inside the booth until police come and tactfully save him. Colin Farrell played Stuart in the 2003 psychological thriller Phone Booth.
As I think about my life during this coronavirus lockdown, it reminds me of Stuart. He was cooped up in a phone booth, me in my house — or, in a room to be exact.
For him, getting out of the phone booth meant the risk of being shot by a sniper. For me, going out of the house comes with the risk of getting infected with the deadly virus.
People around the world have been ordered to stay home in order to stay safe. But how does this stay-at-home life feel? Suffocating? Most people will say “yes”.
As I continue to write in this uncertain time of the Covid-19 pandemic, I realise that my connection with my core elements is just getting stronger
They are getting impatient. They want to return to normal life. They are waiting — waiting for the time when it will be all over before they lose their sanity. An analysis of 20,000 tweets revealed that people are stressed out.
To me, however, the home-quarantine does not feel stifling. Instead, it feels fulfilling in a broad sense.
Because it is enabling me to spend more time with myself, which is something I am enjoying. As days go by, I realise more and more that I have a strong craving for alone time.
Earlier, it was in high school when I already experienced it firsthand that I needed solitude more than anything to get my creative juices flowing.
The quarantine is helping me with introspection. Self-analysis is so important. It helps you understand yourself better.
Stuck in my room, I can now exclusively focus on myself without outside distractions. In the process, I realise who I really am and the activity I find true joy in.
That activity is writing. It is where my true passion lies.
I am fortunate enough to have a job that is directly linked to my passion. I am a journalist in Bangladesh. I am also one of those fortunate ones who have not been furloughed or retrenched yet.
Millions around the world have lost their jobs or been furloughed, but I am still getting a paycheck although I do not know how long that will continue. Times are tough and situations are changing rapidly.
Scriptwriter and journalist Gareth McLean wrote in The Guardian, candidly describing how the pandemic had screwed his finances. He has outstanding rent payments, has borrowed thousands of pounds from family and friends, and has got his credit card maxed out.
I have been staying at home since March 26 when a countrywide shutdown came into effect in Bangladesh. During this time, apart from the regular seven-hour duty of editing copies as a sub-editor at my newspaper, I have produced 11 write-ups and eight of them have been published.
Of the eight, four were published in an online newspaper in Finland, three on Medium, and the other in The Business Standard where I work.
Truth be told, I feel like I should have written more, but still I am pleased that at least I produced 11 pieces.
What is more important is that I am doing what I love to do the most. It creates such an intense feeling of elation inside me that I cannot plainly describe in words. When you love what you are doing, you are not only motivated to do more; you are actually happy. You feel good about yourself.
Oh, and I also faced rejections. I pitched to several newspapers, including The Guardian and the HuffPost UK. I had high hopes that at least one of the pitches would be accepted. Even though it was a big disappointment that I did not hear back from any of them, my morale is still high.
In fact, I am used to it. I faced such rejections before. It is part of the process that makes someone a writer.
Writing has been my beloved tool to keep my mind off the coronavirus-induced worries during quarantine. I continue to read about how the coronavirus has caused the world to slip into a recession, and how it is taking a toll on people’s mental health.
But I choose not to keep my mind occupied with these reports for two reasons — one, I cannot escape the inevitable. What is going to happen will eventually happen. Two, I will lose the motivation to create art if I am preoccupied with negative stories.
Making good art when times are tough is a concept Neil Gaiman, bestselling author of American Gods and Neverwhere, mentioned in his 2012 commencement address at the University of the Arts in Pennsylvania. He prescribed making art as a remedy for dealing with tough periods in life. His last three words — Make Good Art — became a catchphrase.
As I continue to write in this uncertain time of the Covid-19 pandemic, I realise that my connection with my core elements is just getting stronger.
My core elements include letters.
My core elements include words.
My core elements include letters and words that, when put together, produce meaningful sentences.
Now I understand myself better, I explore the world that excites me, and I expand that world to bring more happiness in my life.
In my heart, I am a writer. I have asked myself this question again and again, and I have got the same reply again and again. I know writing is not what I do; it is who I am. The lockdown is helping me explore that part of myself every single moment of the day.
With the future looking increasingly ominous, I do not know if my life can be any better during the worst global crisis I have ever seen.
