“How Can I Sound Friendlier?” Here’s the Breakdown
An easy and interesting way to up your communication game
Let’s keep this article short and to the point and still not miss the nuances.
Jackal and Giraffe Language
In an interesting idea developed by American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg, he puts forth two styles/languages of communication:
- Language of the Jackal
- Language of the Giraffe
Huh? What is this!? Fret not; it’s a no-brainer, I promise. Let’s break it down.
In his theory, Marshall stated that most of the time we use either of the two opposite communication rituals—
Jackal Language: the language of violence, blocks empathy, and stimulates conflicts.
Giraffe Language: the language of love, understanding, and empathy. It encourages constructive, matter-of-fact and unbiased communication.
Marshall B. Rosenberg writes in an article posted on naturalchild.org:
“Giraffe is a language of requests; Jackal is a language of demands.”
Jackal Language
Rosenberg argues that we mostly use jackal language when we want to win an argument or they’re just ‘desires in disguise.’
In The Communications Book, Mikael Krogeres and Roman Tschäppeler break down typical situations and examples of jackal language:
- Analysis: ‘That’s wrong because…’
- Criticism: ‘The mistake you made was that you…’
- Interpretations: ‘You do that because…’
- Appraisals: ‘You’re smart/lazy, you’re right/wrong…’
- Threats: ‘If you don’t do this immediately, I’ll have to…’
If we take a close look at the above examples, we can observe the following:
- Lack of empathy in the tone of speaking
- A deep desire to win an argument or prove someone wrong
- Use of aggressive language (that can trigger counter-aggression from the other side and make the matter even worse)
Giraffe Language
It’s named so because the giraffe has the biggest heart in all of the land animals.
Okay, enough of biology facts. But that puts forth the most important aspect of giraffe language:
EMPATHY.
You should be empathetic in your tone.
We are better off if we resolve a dispute than if we would win it.
While in the real life we try to do the exact opposite of this.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, brings us to the secret sauce for having a friendly conversation:
Be emphatic and try not to put yourself right too fast. Don’t use aggressive language as it leads to counter-aggression.
I know it’s easier said than done. But practising it regularly will help you analyse your tone of language and give you the sole control of how you want to sound at the moment.
To sum it all up—
- Try to understand what others have to say
- Don’t try to judge too fast
- Don’t try to prove yourself right
- Don’t talk in aggression; you’d regret it later
- Have empathy and be genuine
And you’re all set to have better and friendlier conversations.
Here’s one more article that can help you improve the ‘Apologizing’ part of your communication. Give it a read:
