Summary

The author discusses personal struggles with procrastination and fear of being exposed as an imposter, which are overshadowed by the immediacy of an environmental threat.

Abstract

The author reveals a pattern of procrastination and self-doubt, particularly when it comes to writing, due to a fear of being seen as an imposter. Despite having numerous story ideas, the fear of judgment from personal acquaintances and the wider community prevents the author from starting or completing their work. However, the real threat of a flood, which the author is facing on the east coast of Australia, puts these irrational fears into perspective. The tangible danger prompts a sense of urgency and aliveness, allowing the author to momentarily overcome their internal fears and publish an article amidst the crisis. The article concludes with a reflection on the paradoxical clarity brought by real-world threats compared to the paralyzing effect of internal doubts.

Opinions

The author acknowledges their procrastination is a way of avoiding the fear of being exposed as a fraud or imposter.
Despite understanding that the fear is irrational, the author still experiences paralysis when trying to start writing.
The author feels that once they begin writing, the process becomes enjoyable and they often find it difficult to stop.
There is a significant fear of being judged by those who know the author personally, which is amplified by the possibility of these people reading their work.
The real-world threat of a flood provides a stark contrast to the author's internal fears, making everyday anxieties seem insignificant in comparison.
The author feels more capable of acting and writing when faced with an actual crisis, as it brings a sense of clarity and urgency that internal fears do not.

How Can I Overcome My Fears?

How Existential Threats Makes Me Forget My Irrational Fears And Doubts

I have 26 “stories” in my draft folder. Well, to call them stories is a bit far stretched. Rather, they are a collection of titles and subtitles — ideas about stories and thoughts I want to share.

Recently, something is holding me back from starting to write them. Something deep inside is pulling my hands away. Away from the paper. Away from the laptop. Away from the keys.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow, really. Tomorrow I’m going to write at least 3 articles and submit them.

My mind keeps on justifying why I should relax today and then do more tomorrow. Why it’s okay to have another day of just laying in bed and watching random movies and series. Rather than doing anything of the things I truly love.

Tomorrow comes and the same story repeats itself in my head.

Have a nap. Clean that room that you never clean. It’s important that you do that now. Have another nap. You can start afterwards. Oh, dinner time. Have something to eat, there is still time left afterwards. Now it’s too late, time for bed. You can start tomorrow.

To start seems to be the hardest for me. Once I have written a few words it usually flows effortlessly. I often struggle to stop once I have started. But to get to the point of actually starting — this seems to be nearly impossible sometimes.

What is it? Fears? Doubts? I don’t want to be exposed as an imposter. Not even by myself.

Rationally seen, I know those fears don’t make much sense. They are in my head. What does it even mean to be an imposter? How can you be an imposter in anything you create by yourself?

Instead of sitting down and writing or finishing anything I start, I rather click for the 500th time on a random website. Oh yes, and I need to check social media. I haven’t checked it in the last 3 mins. I should probably also check my stats on Medium — reloading it every few mins just to see if there was an additional view.

What fear is it? Once an article is finished, I don’t fear so much anymore publishing it. Well, at least not as long as I know that there is no one online here who knows me personally and who I have to see in my everyday life. Because god forbid, that would be catastrophic.

I mean, imagine. What would they think? Oh wow, does she really think she is good enough to be writing for money? Silly girl. Imagine. I would never be able to leave the house again. Having to hide forever in the shadows.

And so I hide from the life-threatening fear of getting exposed as an imposter — by others, by people I know, by myself.

Interestingly, this morning I woke up through the sounds of heavy rain. I didn’t sleep much last night and dreamt of floods and water everywhere. I live on the east coast of Australia and there has been a major flood warning for the area where I am living for today and tomorrow.

I live right by the creek. It’s usually pretty low but it turned into a big river today and seems to rise higher and higher with every minute. My neighbour's house sits a bit lower and their whole driveway is a river, making it impossible for them to leave or come back.

Even though I think I will be alright and am high enough, it brings a certain apocalypse feeling with it. And even though this should be more frightening than my doubts and fears and anxieties in my normal life, for some reason it is not.

It is actually the opposite — I feel alive.

There is some sort of nervousness present, but because the situation is not just in my head but actually happening, it makes it easier to process, easier to act on it. On the other hand, when I’m in my head too many things can happen in any given situation that my mind makes up, which usually makes me feel numb to do anything.

Now I’m sitting here. Most of my normal day-to-day irrational fears and doubts are gone.

So here I am. Writing this and press on publish. While simultaneously packing a few important things together. Just in case the creek decides to knock on my door.

Franzi is a fine art land- & seascape photographer, writer and crafty girl who spends most of her time in nature capturing moments or writing about anything swirling around in her imaginative head.

I’d be super grateful for any tip that allows me to spend more of my time doing the thing I love the most: creating.

More articles written by Franzi:

Are You Writing For Yourself Or Your Readers?

Finding The Balance Between Self-Therapy And Storytelling

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In Nature I Trust

Dear Diary #2: A Weekly Insight Into The Life Of A Daydreaming Nomad

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Holding Hands With Trees

A Photo Essay About Nature Connections

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