Introverts and Extroverts
How Can Extroverts Tell If An Introvert Likes Them?
Differences between introverts and extroverts can make it difficult for an extrovert to know when an introvert is interested in them.
There’s been a lot written about introverts and extroverts in the last several years, discussing the different characteristics that each personality type possesses. What hasn’t been written about much, however, is how introverts and extroverts get along together.
The basic differences between how these two personality types interact with the world and those within it and what energizes vs. tires them out means that when they are together they may not have insight into each others behavior. One way that this comes into play is when someone with one personality type is interested in someone with the opposite one and wants to know if the interest is shared.
Ways an Extrovert Can Tell An Introvert Likes Them
Often, an extrovert is confused by an introvert’s behavior. But by keeping in mind some basic facts about introverts, extroverts will be able to better determine whether an introvert is interested in them.
They Change Their Behavior When They’re Around You
Introverts find social interactions exhausting after a while. One thing they do in order to minimize this, is to spend less time with a single individual or group, frequently switching from one to another. This lets them keep things more superficial, along with the ability to repeat information instead of having to come up with more in depth disclosures or responses. But when an introvert really likes someone, they will place most of their attention on them.
There are other ways they might alter their behavior as well. They might seem more awkward or nervous, less talkative, or more upbeat when around you compared to other people. Some of this will be influenced by their level of confidence but somehow, you will be able to see that the way the act is different when they are with you.
They Find Excuses to Talk To You
Whereas approaching someone and just striking up a conversation is not a comfortable activity for introverts, when they want to connect with you they will come up with excuses to be able to talk with you. This provides them with a structured way of starting a conversation and makes it possible to continue the conversation.
At work, they might ask you for help changing the cartridge in the copier or help figuring out what’s wrong with your computer. If you live in the same apartment building they might strike up a conversation about something related to the complex such as the hours the office is open or when the workout room is least busy. You will find that you are their go to person for questions, and at least some of these questions may seem like they could be answered just as easily in another way, for example on the internet.
Even When They Aren’t Interacting With You, They Make a Point of Being Around You
Introverts typically don’t assertively approach others in social settings and often hang back waiting for others to approach them. If an introvert makes a point of moving near you it’s a definite sign that they are interested.
One thing to keep in mind about this is that when an introvert does make more of an effort to approach you it won’t be the same as when an extrovert does so. An introvert may not say or do much, but the fact they are making a point of closing the difference between the two of you is a positive sign.
They Are Unconditionally Loyal to You
Introverts may take a while to really open up and connect with others, but once they do you will find they are fiercely loyal to those they are interested in and feel close to. While they seem reticent to interact with a lot of other people, when it comes to protecting or standing up for those they care about they don’t shy away from conflict.
Introverts are not people pleasers and won’t waffle based on what others believe, especially if that belief is not favorable to the people that are important to them. This is even the case when it’s not likely you’ll ever find out what they said and they risk being ostracized for not going along with others opinions. This is one of the less subtle signs that an introvert likes you as there is no mistaking this loyalty when you see it.
They Call You Instead of Texting or Emailing
Because introverts prefer to really think through whatever they say, and take time to respond to make sure they know what they want to express, they are much more comfortable communicating via text or email rather than over the phone. If they take what they perceive to be a risk, in that they won’t have as much time to process what you are saying and formulate a reply, to call instead of communicating online it is a definite sign of interest.
They Share Personal Things or Otherwise Open Up to You
Introverts take longer to open up to others compared to extroverts. They only open up to those they truly like, respect and trust. It also takes longer for them to arrive at a place of trust with others. If you notice they are sharing personal details with you that means they feel comfortable enough with you to do so, not a small matter for an introvert. This may also take the form of them inviting you to their home, or sharing private things like their writing or artwork with you.
They Go Beyond Our Comfort Zone to Be With You
When introverts like someone, they will push themselves to do things they wouldn’t normally do, like going to a party, huge concert, or some other social event if they know you’ll be there. Again, while they may not approach you directly, they will find ways to run into you or put themselves in proximity to you (though not in a “stalker” kind of way).
They Will Keep Your Secrets At All Costs
One of the strongest signs of interest you will find in an introvert is that will always keep your secrets. They won’t share personal information about you or things you’ve told them, even when those things are positive. They are not even likely to break trust with you when you have done something that has hurt them in some way. They would rather suffer in silence than share something with others which they perceive to be a betrayal of you, even when it’s to their detriment.
Parting Thought
Be careful about assuming that other people’s behavior indicates the same thing it does for you in a similar situation. This is good advice for everyone as each of us is different, but this is especially true for how extroverts may interpret the meaning behind an introvert’s behavior.
Just because an introvert may seem overly quiet to you, does not mean that they are feeling negatively about you. It may mean just the opposite in fact. The more someone matters to an introvert the more they will think about their responses and the interaction the two of you are having.
Similarly, introverts may leave social functions early. This may seem to indicate to an extrovert that they aren’t interested in continuing the interaction. However, remember that introverts have a limited capacity for large scale social situations before needing time to themselves to recharge.
Once they reach that point, it can become difficult to continue doing more than the bare minimum to keep an interaction going. It becomes a losing proposition for them to remain in a setting when they feel unable to continue engaging at the level they’d like. They also will worry about reversing a positive impression. If they’ve given you all the right signals up to that point, don’t take it personally if they leave before you are ready for them to do so.
What may seem to be normal, introverted behavior, may actually be perceived by the introvert to be a big departure from their normal ways, and from what makes them most comfortable. But what may seem to be in significant differences to you may indicate a strong interest and attraction as far as an introvert goes. Don’t miss the boat because you miss the signs.
Natalie C. Frank has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. She specializes in Pediatric Psychology and Behavioral Medicine.
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