How Awareness Creates a Deep Connection with Others

It is free, powerful, and so rare.

Everyone wants to be seen and appreciated.

If so, why are we so frugal with our attention? Or should I write sloppy?

First, I believe we do not give enough appreciation to ourselves. And so, we have very little to give to others.

What is more, we tend to focus on things that do not provide any real value to the quality of our lives and relationships.

How to cultivate a healthy and strong connection with others?

Give them your attention.

That is it.

The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.

~ Richard Moss

How simple is that?

Yet, many people struggle with granting somebody else their time, smile or a sincere look in the eyes. Our minds get crowded with memories, resentment, to-do lists — anything except the topic of a conversation.

Great news, we can all develop this one skill.

Mindfulness.

Mindfulness meditation involves intentionally and repeatedly bringing one’s attention to thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they arise in the present moment. It invites us to suspend judgment and unleash our natural curiosity about the functioning of the mind, approaching our lives with warmth and kindness to ourselves and others.

In the twentieth century, psychologists began using meditation and mindfulness to treat disorders like depression and anxiety. They discovered that patients who completed mindfulness programs were better equipped to command challenges in their everyday experiences.

A 2004 the University of North Carolina study of “relatively happy, non-distressed couples” revealed that couples who practised mindfulness noticed improvements in their “relationship happiness.”

A racing mind is a tense mind.

A focused mind is calmer, more engaged. When you are mindful of the other person’s presence, the energy becomes tangible.

When you tender to your awareness, it reflects your priorities. It speaks volumes of how you treat yourself and the people you interact with.

• Practising mindfulness for 8 to 10 weeks changes the brain’s emotion regulation areas. Mindfulness contracts the volume of the amygdala, having less power to throw us into a “threat” mode. This can help couples get out of toxic arguing or emotional distancing.
• Mindfulness alters regions of the brain connected with directing concentration and focus. By becoming present when interacting with one another, we become curious. Our posture becomes more open. Our attitude displays that of being more tolerant and understanding.
• Mindfulness also changes the insula, a section of the brain associated with empathy and compassion. Mindfulness enhances your ability to forgive.
• Once you are focused on your sensations, what your partner is trying to communicate, all fears and petty remarks disappear from your monkey mind. As you have trained your mind to fully commit to the action, you become more productive, devoted to the task alone and get to enjoy it more.

Where to start?

To endow somebody with your attention, first, you need to replenish yourself.

You can practice this through meditation, scanning your body parts with your awareness, tending to your breathing, listening to the beating of your heart.

Next, pay attention to the way your posture is upheld during the day, the way you walk, how you brush your teeth. Do not distract yourself with watching TV when doing sit-ups, scrolling through the feed when waiting in line. Whatever you do, engage your whole awareness into sensations of your body, observe your thoughts, observe the surroundings, no judgments though. Just observe. See how inspirational it can be.

By exploring your mind, you get to know yourself. You realize what stirs negative emotion inside your body, what is your trigger. You recognize how your subconscious mind operates and what limiting beliefs you have developed. Those limiting beliefs hold us up in life. The key to reshaping them is to become aware of their patterns.

Meditation in nature is a powerful tool.

You can apply it daily. A walk in the forest, meditating on the bench in your local square. That is enough. You do not have to close your eyes. In fact, it is better to focus intensely on nature, gazing at the tree, acknowledging its roots and power. When you admire nature, no intrusive thoughts enter your mind. It becomes your garden of peace. As there is no room for the toxic thoughts to spread out, they cannot take over your focus.

The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.

~ Henry Miller

How to make others feel empowered in our presence?

Remember, the impact of how you make people feel stays with them long after the meeting. By making them feel welcome and appreciated, you create an unforgettable experience they will want to repeat more often.

Mindfulness cultivates happiness, as it keeps sabotaging and fearful thoughts at bay. And it is no secret that when you exude happiness and the simple joy of living, you influence others with the same energy. The result? Two content individuals share their happy moments and lift each other up with their positive outlook on life.

Look into their eyes.

People who look others in the eye are perceived as friendly and welcoming.

When the other person is truly interested in you, he or she will glance your way, try to lock eye contact with you. It is also a powerful way to show somebody that you care and treat them as equal.

Listen with interest.

With mindfulness practice, you become a better listener.

Show your appreciation for the time together by your presence and active engagement in the conversation. ‘Active’ does not mean you try finding a solution to every problem. Instead, you listen intently to what the other person tries to convey. It helps you create a deep connection, not just on a surface level. At the end of the day, you sit together on the porch with a cup of tea and ask each other How was your day?, showing genuine interest in that person’s view. To me, that is mutual awareness and respect.

Take mental notes.

It is those little quirks that make us stand out.

By listening, you notice little things about the person. Later on, you can remember what is his or her favourite cuisine, what books they are interested in, what is their relationship like with their parents. By memorizing those sentimental characteristics, you show that you care and can use recorded information to come up with perfect ideas to spend quality time together.

With attention comes your time.

I get that you are busy, but your priorities reflect the quality of your life, and relationships.

Sometimes, one unexpected call during the day can work wonders for another person to make them feel close to you. Asking how was your day, not through a text message, but a sincere call, will make them feel noticed. Just like popping in with their favourite coffee while they are at work, just to show you care.

Gratitude: a booster for your relationship.

When you sit across the table from the partner, mentally enumerate characteristics you appreciate about them.

The feeling of gratitude literally alters your brain for neurons to wire differently. Its practice fosters self-worth and compassion for others. Appreciation practised in intimate relationships builds connection and satisfaction — both for the giver and the recipient. So, gratitude is not a one-sided contribution; it’s mutually beneficial.

You see, those are not superb, over-the-top ideas, but so one-of-a-kind. It is not a grand gesture to shower somebody with gifts and ignoring their affection. But giving them your space and time symbolizes your true commitment.

Once you make people feel noticed, heard, they will not only be drawn to you, but by acknowledging their presence, you lift them up. And that kind of energy is infectiously attractive.