How a Financial Roller Coaster Taught Me to Detach Net Worth From Self Worth
Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle helped me ground in my deepest self.
A few years ago, I carefully created my 5-year career plan. The chart included quarterly metrics and priorities. My salary and job title were at the top of the list. Three years in, I achieved my ambitious financial goals, but I was burning out at work. Since then, my priorities have drastically shifted. I set spiritual goals and journeyed into my unconscious mind.
A few years before that, I’d discovered Ayn Rand’s work, including “Atlas Shrugged” and “The Virtue of Selfishness.” My friends at the time were really into it, and I found myself admiring Dagny Taggart — the fictional heroine who’s notably beautiful, powerful, and the vice president of the Taggart Transcontinental railroad. Her intelligence and ability to produce define her.
But when I pushed myself to be supremely efficient and wealthy, I disconnected from my intuitive Being. I watched myself become calculating, unable to relax. The more I fought for recognition and financial success, the more insecure I felt. My sense of superiority only worked around people who earned less.
Money doesn’t buy happiness. Sometimes we have to learn that the hard way. Perhaps my journey of ups and downs will save you some heartache. I’ve been financially poor, objectively rich, and distinctly poor again. I’m so grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and the deepening love I feel. Releasing the external metrics led to the inner peace I’ve been craving.
The pain of feeling poor
Noticing tension at the top of my head, I tune into the feeling: How pathetic, what a failure. You’re making so much less than you used to make. Something must be wrong with you.
When you think about it, our capitalist culture bombards us with the importance of our job and financial status. Especially in America, loud external conditioning has a powerful influence on our decision-making, sometimes even when you’re highly aware of what’s happening.
For the most part, quitting my stressful tech job has felt great. I’ve been more focused on listening to my body, embracing self-care, and engaging with my creative hobbies. But sometimes, I find myself feeling self-pity. Then I remind myself: if it could have happened any other way, it would have.
If you attach your sense of self to anything external, you may experience a breaking emptiness when things change. For example, people have told me how physically attractive I am regularly for most of my life. It’s nice to feel beautiful, but if I believe that beauty is part of my identity, I’ll feel an enormous loss as I grow older and less physically attractive.
The truth is, money does have some impact on our happiness levels; it’s nice to have all your needs met and a bit extra for luxuries. And feeling poor does feel unpleasant, but mainly because of the emotions and stories attached to our bank statements.
Instead of identifying with old stories or getting lost in self-pity, we can ground ourselves in the facts and move forward with empowering acceptance.
Shifting your perspective
Sometimes you only need a slight shift in perspective for drastic improvements in painful situations. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I stop, engage in some form of self-care, and then focus on the facts.
Facts are the objective statements separate from our stories, and you get to choose how you interpret those facts. Similar to self-pity, if you’re feeling unhappy about a situation, it’s likely due to the thoughts you have about it.
Over the past few months, my sabbatical fund began running out, and I needed to find a new job. I had hoped to be fully self-employed by then, but that hadn’t happened yet.
To shift my perspective, I start with the facts. I pay attention to my thoughts around those facts, and then I look for more empowering stories.
Many consider “starting a new job” and “financial problems” incredibly stressful life events. But grounding in the reality of each moment helped me move forward.
Letting go of comparison
Let me start by acknowledging that I don’t think thoughts of comparison ever completely disappear. That’s not the goal. But when you notice yourself caught up in comparing, pay attention. Remember that you are not your thoughts or emotions; you are the Being who watches them. It’s the act of separating your identity that makes the difference.
Without connecting to our unchanging selves, we imagine that acquiring external metrics of success will make us feel good enough. I imagined if I hit my 5-year goals, then I’d feel proud of myself. Maybe I’d forget all the times an abusive family member called me “stupid.”
But, that’s not how comparison works. Our insecure egoic minds feed off comparisons. No satisfaction will ever be good enough. If I had worked through to my 5-year goals, I imagine I would have felt a sense of disappointment when I got there.
“All the things that truly matter — beauty, love, creativity, joy, and inner peace — arise from beyond the mind,” writes Tolle. “All cravings are the mind seeking salvation or fulfillment in external things and in the future as a substitute for the joy of Being.”
If you look for your sense of self or self-worth in external achievements, you will always feel disappointed. Because everything external will fade, change, and disintegrate. Instead, I choose to let go of the thoughts, ground in the present moment, and reconnect to my authentic Being.
Our truest self-worth
Try closing your eyes and taking a few slow, deep breaths. You’ll probably notice a pulsing from your heartbeat or tingling in your fingers and toes. Try to watch the next thoughts that cross your mind. That’s your true self. Your life energy, the Being who notices your thoughts and emotions, that’s who you are.
I learned this several years ago when I first read spiritual books and practiced meditation. Then I forgot. But this roller coaster journey and the pain along the way brought me back to these truths.
Instead of attaching our sense of self to ever-changing external metrics, we can ground ourselves in the present moment. We can connect back to our life energy, the inner essence that never changes.
Rather than buying into an egoic and hierarchical mindset, you can choose love. Instead of always waiting for peace and acceptance to arrive, you can discover it now.
You’ll still feel all the unpleasant feelings, but it won’t last as long. You’ll very rarely get that breaking emptiness feeling because you’ll more often feel connected to inner peace.
Connecting with your Being won’t happen through more talking or doing but through experiencing. By continually accepting reality, we live freer lives. When you realize the future will never bring fulfillment, you discover satisfaction and life right now.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment,” writes Tolle. “You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
I clearly needed this financial roller coaster to finally let go of comparison and the need to measure my self-worth by external metrics. Though the last few months have often felt unpleasant, I am immensely grateful for the simple truths I’ve discovered.
Instead of worrying or comparing, I keep choosing inner peace and true love, the kind that has no opposite.
Thank you for reading! If you aren’t already a Medium member, join with my referral link — Alice Crady. A portion of your fee goes to writers you read. Subscribe to my account if you’d enjoy regular inspiration and empowerment along your self-actualization journey.
More on minimalism:
