How A Bird That Couldn’t Fly Won A War Against Humans
8 pointless and absurd wars fought in human history.
Though all wars start with pointless egos and dirty politics, there are some even more eerily comical. Humanity has long fought wars that have led to bloodshed and lasting animosity, but some wars stood out from the rest for their unbelievable circumstances. Here are some of history’s most absurd battles:
1- The Emu War
After World War I, discharged veterans were granted land by the Australian Government for farming. But with the onset of the Great Depression in 1929, and the failure of the government to provide promised subsidies, the farmers faced many difficulties. Their problems were only exacerbated by emus which migrated from the coast after their breeding season was over. The emus settled into the farm territory, consuming and spoiling many crops.
The farmers took their concerns to the minister of defense, who allowed the use of machine guns to kill off the birds. This was the beginning of the famous emu war.
The war however soon became wasteful, with a lot of ammunition being used with little effect on the bird population, as emus are quick-witted birds. When the news spread globally, there was a lot of criticism and protests to protect the bird. Thus eventually humans had to withdraw, and the emu came out victorious.
The flightless bird won this round!
2- The Goat War
Another animal species that humans have battled with are goats. In the Galapagos Islands, goats terrorize the land. They disturb a prized and relatively isolated environment and threaten indigenous species like endangered tortoises by competing for food like large cactus.
The goat extermination began in the 1970s and gathered momentum in the late 1990s with helicopters circling the islands, shooting down goats. Eventually, some of the animals began to recognize the sound of the helicopters and learned to hide.
But with trackers, their hideouts were easily discovered. So far humans have been winning this war with the goat population significantly decreasing, but this is only a relief till the goats also evolve to carry guns.
3- The Pig War
Yes, yet another war involving animals. This one however is a little different, in 1859 there was a confrontation between Britain and the US over the shooting of a pig.
Though both parties, in this case, consisted of humans, the fighting started when an American farmer shot an Irishman’s pig for eating his potatoes. The dispute occurred because there was confusion over the British-US border in the San Juan Islands, which was eventually resolved over the following years. All that for some bacon and fries.
4- The Battle of The Frogs
In 1754, Windham, New York, had a severe drought which led to the ponds in the town drying up. The town’s frogs had a huge fight among themselves for the last drops of water creating an alarmingly loud noise.
The townspeople were expecting an attack from the French army due to the ongoing war and a frenzy broke out with people scurrying around loaded with firearms. There was so much fear as no army could be seen, but the noise kept getting louder.
Only in the morning when they found frog corpses, did they realize the sounds were of them croaking. The town was ridiculed by neighboring colonies for their absurdity and the frog was made their official town seal.
5- The War of the Golden Stool
This battle was one in a series of conflicts between the United Kingdom and the Ashanti Empire and it all started with a British Governor demanding to sit on a stool.
The Ashanti believed that the Golden Stool housed the soul of the Ashanti nation. The Stool, made of gold was never allowed to touch the ground and was considered so sacred that no one was allowed to sit on it.
Each new Ashante king was lowered and raised over the Golden Stool without touching it. No one could be considered a legitimate ruler without the Golden Stool. This demand was so a huge insult to the Ashanti Empire and led to a war costing many lives. Today the stool is kept safe in its ceremonial place.
6- The War of Jenkin’s Ear
Yes, you heard that right, a war that started over an unfortunate auriculectomy. In 1731, Captain Robert Jenkins was aboard the British brig Rebecca just off the Cuban coast when Spanish sailors boarded and sliced off his left ear in the following tussle. This event led to the British declaring war on Spain which went on for nine years.
7- The Cod wars
In the 20th Century, a series of confrontations occurred between the UK and Iceland over fishing rights in the North Atlantic. Unfortunately for the British, Iceland emerged victorious in all these wars. Guess for old England, there aren’t that many fish in the sea.
Iceland achieved its goal in 3 chunks. There are many lessons learned from this and written for the international relation theories. By the end of the third-cord war, the British had to withdraw from the “open seas”(for international fisheries) policy despite being its strong advocate.
8- The Bucket War
Two rival cities in Italy, Modena, and Bologna went to war when a Modenense stole a bucket from a Bolognese well. This war was an episode in the over 300-year-long struggle between Guelphs and Ghibellines, and Modena emerged victorious. Guess the bucket tipped in their favor.
Worth it?
It’s always fascinating learning about the things that start wars, if only people in these times had a sense of humor they would have laughed at the ridiculousness of their situations instead of succumbing to hurt egos that push them to war.
Want to follow up more from me and other amazing writers on Medium?
Hop on the chance to join: