MORRIS DANCING | LEOTARDS
Hogan Torah is Eating Watermelon in the Bath
And there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it
Imagine the scene. You come home from a long day at work to find Hogan Torah in the bath.
As if that wasn’t strange enough, he’s eating watermelon. And not just a reasonable sized piece. He’s attempting to eat an entire watermelon by himself, like some kind of ravenous beast with no off button.
Now, one of three things must be true:
- You live with Hogan Torah. How the hell did that happen?
- You don’t live with Hogan Torah and he broke into your house to have a bath.
- It is Hogan Torah’s house and you are there by mistake.
Scenario #1
If you live with him, this is just the way it is. Hogan is having a bath, and he likes to eat watermelon at the same time. You can’t stop him because who said you got to invent the rules? After all, he doesn’t stop you from eating yoghurt in the shower like your mother did.
Scenario #2
If he doesn’t live with you and he broke into your house, it’s about time you installed a burglar alarm. But anyway, now he’s in your bath, what are you going to do? He’s Hogan Torah and he does whatever he wants.
And to be honest, you should consider yourself lucky that he chose your house. Hogan Torah doesn’t just break into anyone’s house to eat watermelon in the bath. He must really like you, or your house. Or your bath.
Scenario #3
If it is Hogan Torah’s house, what are you doing there? You’ve got your own house with its own bath and watermelon, so you should go there instead, like a normal person.
Anyway, here are some famous British weirdos feeding each other watermelon. They are not in the bath, but fucking hell is it insane!
Oh, what’s that I hear you say? “Please give us more celebrity watermelon insanity, Edward!” Okay, you asked for it:
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