Royal Scandal #837
His Royal Highness Rejects the Crown
“I’m alright,” Charles says
In a stunning development, King Charles III has rejected the crown.
After waiting 73 years to become the King of England, Charles made what appeared to be a snap decision last week, rejecting the crown after it was presented to him by his loyal subjects.
“I’m alright,” Charles III said, waving his hand as an underling attempted to place the crown on top of his head.
An audible gasp could be heard among the well-wishers, who began to wonder: What does this mean for the future of the British Monarchy?
“It was just so surprising,” Hannah Heinrich told MUN News. “Everyone who has been presented with this honour has donned the crown without incident. What changed?”
“Who I really feel bad for is the Burgher people,” Lukas Schroder added, presumably referring to the small Eurasian ethnic group of Portuguese, Dutch, and British descendants living in Sri Lanka. “This crown really means a lot to the Burghers.”
Speculation is rampant that Charles was unwilling to accept the responsibilities associated with those who wear the crown, including:
· Ensuring a pleasant experience for citizens in over 100 countries
· Swearing an oath against treason, whereby the monarch agrees never to so much as set foot inside the hostile territory of a competing sovereign franchise.
· Regulating the conduct of all denizens of designated recreation areas to ensure there is no pushing, shoving, running, or fighting, and that all entrants remove their shoes — BUT NOT THEIR SOCKS! — while using facilities.
· Explaining that the nutritional information needs to be viewed in context with a balanced lifestyle. If a marathon runner can take a bite out of a Whopper at the end of an Iron Man competition than surely the harms of trans fats are grossly overexaggerated.
Conspiracy theories that predate this incident postulate that the royal family has come under the sway of the incredibly wealthy, Scottish McDonald family. Although Charles has never been photographed within a McDonald’s estate, the monarch’s sausage like fingers are widely believed to be the byproduct of an excess of McNuggets.
Of course, by rejecting the crown, Charles will be rejecting all of the royal perks that come with it. That means no free soft drinks, small fries, or apple turnovers.
I think I know someone who might just be ‘turning over’ in her grave right about now . . .
Better luck next time fellas!
Enjoyed yourself? Then read this, Stupid:
Be sure to read this positive piece by Carlo Zeno:
