Here’s What To Do When Your Stepchild Rejects You
From me to you.
That feeling. The poignant sting of rejection.
The lump in the throat. The tears building up inside. The stabbing pain of being left out.
It’s an experience many stepmoms know all too well.
Whether your stepchild or stepchildren have slighted you in a small, subtle way or in a very big and obvious way, the companionship of rejection as a stepmom is one that’s hard to shake.
No one likes hanging out with rejection. It’s painful and it’s depressing.
But here’s what you can do to combat it.
You need to realize that even though this feels absolutely personal — it’s not.
It’s not about your character.
It’s not about who you are as a person. It’s not about how smart you are, how charming you are, how kind you are, how funny you are, how good with kids you are, or about your value as a human being.
You need to know and remember that you are one person who has taken on immense challenges and while rising to the occasion of being a stepmom is an admirable thing to do — you may never get the accolades you truly deserve.
And that’s OK.
You might get hints of appreciation at best in some situations. But none of that reflects on how good or how bad of a job you think you’re doing as a stepmom or as a parent in general.
This is a situation that has no winners. There are only human beings stuck in circumstances where no one is going to be happy all of the time. Someone is always going to be upset—feeling left out — or dealing with rejection. Even biological parents.
Blended families don’t exist because we planned them out that way. They exist because they were created after an original plan didn’t work out. This doesn’t take away from their value — and it’s important not to lose sight of that.
As a stepmom, placing unrealistic expectations upon everyone involved in a blended family situation, including your spouse, your stepchildren, your biological children (if you have them), the biological mother, and most significantly yourself is only a setup for disappointment.
The blended family is a different creature than many of us are used to or than what we grew up knowing as children within our family dynamics. The blended family needs to be adaptable. It needs to be flexible. It needs to be able to flow with the tides of change.
Keep in mind that even though you may feel rejected as a stepmom over and over or feel as though you can never compete with the biological mother of your stepchild or stepchildren — you don’t have to win this. You just need to do your best, take care of yourself, and remember that every parent feels like a failure a lot of the time — biological or not.
Know that this is not all that you are. This is not the end of your story. This is just a chapter — maybe a brutal one at times — but one you’ll look back on and be able to reflect on how much it changed you, guided you, and taught you as a person.
Rejection sucks. It hurts like hell. But if you were brave enough to become a stepmom in the first place — you’ll be able to get through this phase in your life and come out the other side wiser — and stronger.
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