What We Want For Our Daughters
And what we end up getting.
We want them to be tough — yet soft.
We want them to be free — yet safe.
We want them to be brave — yet cautious.
We want them to be informed — yet innocent.
As mothers raising daughters in this ever-changing, ever-tumultuous world, we want so much for them — all at the same time. We hope. We fear. We watch. And we worry.
I have realized something by being both a daughter and by having a daughter.
Quite often, our daughters end up not as we might wish or even will them to be but they end up exactly as they, themselves, decide to be.
The things my mother wanted for me were not the same things that I desired. I am aware that the things I may want for my own daughter are simply projections of my own experiences, wants, dreams, and goals.
It’s natural for us to project onto our children. We all do it — even when we try not to. That said, just because we as mothers may have our projections that we consciously or subconsciously cast onto our daughters, that doesn’t mean that those projections have any real value in our daughter’s eyes.
What we want for our daughters is for them to see themselves in the light that we see them and for them to be aware of their worth and value. But this does not always happen as soon as we want it to. Sometimes that will take them many years, through many mistakes, and many heartbreaks.
Parenting offers us the wisdom of hindsight yet the agony of having to watch our children stumble through the trials and errors of life.
It is truly terrifying to watch your child go through the pain and suffering of learning their lessons while knowing that this is a necessary process.
As the mother of a daughter, I feel both a sense of dread and joy knowing some of the things that will await her on the journey of life and womanhood. What I want for her are experiences that will shape her, teach her, and ultimately allow her the space to grow into a human being who lives with a sense of purpose and enlightenment.
As a mother, I cannot dictate how my daughter will manifest her own destiny — no matter how much I may want to.
In the end, I like to think that whatever path my daughter chooses for herself will be sure to bestow her with the kind of life experience she needs to become her most authentic and capable self in this world — just like it eventually did for me.
