Here Is a List of 100 Things

Because I can’t resist a challenge

Hogan Torah has issued a challenge: can you write some entertaining stuff in 20 minutes or less?

I shall give it a try. He did 100 things…

1. Can I kick Hogan Torah’s ass?
2. Mmmm, Hogan Torah’s ass…
3. Okay, I have to focus. I’m on a break at work, so I have no time to lose.
4. How to write a blog post while your coworkers look over your shoulder.
5. How to come up with a lie when your coworkers ask what you are writing about.
6. How to tell your coworkers to go to hell without they knowing you are telling them to go to hell.
7. How to find a new job real fast.
8. Guess I have to make this writing thing work for me real fast so it will bring the real bucks.
9. The 20 things I like about liking things.
10. Why trying to write a list of 100 things is more difficult than you thought.
11. How not to murder your colleagues while they keep talking as you try to write.
12. Why you shouldn’t try to write a blog post at work.
13. Typing: the secret art of not overthinking.
14. Learning to live with your typos because the clock is ticking.
15. How not to punch in the face the noisy coworker who keeps glancing at your laptop.
16. Seriously, you are gonna get fired if you keep typing that sort of shit.
17. How many 100 things lists can you write in a week?
18. Answer: not many without hurting someone in the process.
19. Mmm, 7 minutes, not bad, maybe I can do this in under 20 minutes.
20. How to stop getting ahead of yourself and instead focus on the task at hand.
21. Gee, that sounds very self-helpy.
22. Can I delete items if they sound pathetically self-helpy?
23. Don’t delete any items or you won’t finish in 20 minutes. Learn to live with the fuck ups.
24. How to write shorter sentences.
25. You won’t finish 100 things list if you keep writing insanely long sentences.
26. Whoops, I didn’t again.
27. How to go to the point.
28. How to miss the point.
29. How to hit all the points.
30. Wow, serious questions: should points be hit, or should I skip them?
31. 10 minutes. Heck, this is getting more difficult.
32. How many times can that coworker complain about the same student in one hour?
33. How to restraint yourself from telling your colleagues that you need a bit of silence.
34. How not to be a jerk to your colleagues.
35. How not to care about being a jerk to your colleagues.
36. How to breathe away your work frustrations.
37. How to do Kegels while at work.
38. I did Kegels at work, and my life got better because of it.
39. I wish I could spend all day doing Kegels.
40. Should I keep capitalizing Kegels?
41. Sorry, no time to go look.
42. Shit, already 13 minutes.
43. How to cheat by breaking your ideas into more sentences.
44. This is an example.
45. This is another one.
46. Damn, I can’t do another one.
47. It feels like cheating.
48. Stupid work ethic.
49. How to forget about your work ethic.
50. How to remember your work ethic only when it is convenient to you.
51. How to know what it convenient for you.
52. I want to bring a stuffed animal to work so I can have something to hug.
53. Emotional support stuffie.
54. I care too much about spelling.
55. How I overcame my over spelling tendencies.
56. Oh, wait a minute!
57. Am I allowed to curse in Spanish?
58. The rules don’t say I can’t.
59. Can I just type? “¡Chinga a tu madre!”
60. Mmmm, can’t do too many of those, the nosy coworker sitting by my side can actually understand those.
61. 17 minutes and counting.
62. What to do when your fingers hurt.
63. How to type faster than you think.
64. How to think.
65. How I learned to love the typing and forget about the thinking.
66. Why thinking will keep your writing.
67. Wait a minute, I think I actually wrote an article about that.
68. 18 minutes, unlikely I’ll get to a 100 things before 20 min, but let's see how minutes it takes then.
69. Shit…but I have a class in 15 min.
70. How to type stuff when you don’t know what to type.
71. How to type while your students think you are grading their work.
72. How to heal your aching wrists.
73. This could have been an email.
74. Podría haberlo escrito en español y nadie se habría dado cuenta.
75. Okay, 20 minutes…let’s see how many extra minutes I need.
76. Damn, now my coworkers are moving around.
77. Do not stare at my screen, girl. There’s nothing for you here.
78. This is my emotional support writing, leave me alone.
79. I should have written more about Hogan’s ass.
80. People would still be reading if I had done that.
81. Or should I write more about MY ass?
82. Decisions, decisions…
83. Well, they do say that a picture is worth a thousand words.
84. So maybe just post a picture and call it a day?
85. Nah, that would be cheating.
86. Stupid work ethic keeps ruining my life.
87. This is a dangerous exercise.
88. Maybe I already typed something that will destroy my writing career, and I don’t even have time to go check.
89. Wow, 23 minutes. 11 items to go.
90. My hands and wrists hurt.
91. I need to work in my hand cardio.
92. How to do hand and wrist HIIT.
93. Damn, that could be a niche.
94. I have been wasting my time with all the other niches.
95. Can I keep going? I’m so close.
96. How to keep going.
97. How not to stop when you are only three items away.
98. People are expecting me to make a final ass joke, I can feel it.
99. Hey, you, you are the ass!
100. We have reached Mordor. It is done. Cue the volcano.

Final time:

Wow, due to my school’s crappy internet, nothing had been saved. Losing all of the above would have been hilarious…

So, here’s the original challenge. If you are looking for a bit of fun and pain, give it a try.

And here’s a little something I wrote more than 2 years ago. I’m not going to say it’s fucking good, but…