Fucking Writing Advice, Simplified

Kiddo, here’s a rant from someone who’s also learning

Okay, kiddo, you are learning, and so am I. You’re in a hurry, and I’m in a hurry too…let’s just get to it. Here it is, writing advice, made fucking simple.

1. How to write every day?

Before the day ends, stop for a moment, grab a notebook or sit in front of a computer, and fucking write something.

Any. Fucking. Thing.

2. LOL, very funny, but, seriously, how do I get ideas to write about?

Pay fucking attention to the world around you: what do people crave, what scares the fuck out of them, what do they want to spend the rest of their lives doing?

Also, pay attention to the world inside you: what do you crave, what scares the fuck out of you, what do you want to spend the rest of your life doing?

Above all, stop fucking overthinking. Stop fucking self-censoring. Just get your ass on a chair, or go to your damn standing desk and start writing. Fucking obey Master Bradbury’s command: don’t think!

You’ll think enough when it comes time to edit.

3. How do I get many readers?

Write as frequently as possible. The same goes for publishing. Do it at least once a week. Readers will find you little by little. Do not fucking beg people to read your work, but do show up periodically.

Be patient. Be consistent.

Also, learn about SEO, marketing, social media campaigns, and all that shit. No need to spend a goddamn fortune on that, by the way. Dig deep on the internet; there are tons of free advice out there.

If you can — and want to — yes, pay for this information. However, spending that money won’t fucking guarantee anything if you are not willing to be humble and open yourself up to the learning experience. Empty your goddamn cup.

4. How to be a better writer?

Write every day, even if you don’t publish daily. Also, let an editor destroy your perfect writing. Spoiler alert: it’s not perfect, and you’ll never grow as a writer unless you fucking accept that. You’ll feel like shit at first, but once you see how much your work improves, you’ll become a masochist and beg editors to leave more ruthless notes on your posts.

And don’t forget to read a lot. Read while on the bus, read while cooking, read while the elevator gets you to the 102nd floor, and yes, read while taking a shit.

Fucking read, kiddo. You gotta fucking read.

5. How do I deal with rejection?

First, get rejected. It’s impossible to become good at something you’ve never experienced. And this will only happen if you are brave enough and put some shit out there for the world to laugh at.

Second, make a decision. Either you will read the comments, or you won’t.

Third, if you decide to read the comments, acknowledge there are three different types:

Type #1 These are the ones that have nothing to do with your writing. They come from people who fucking love the sound of their voice — or the sight of their writing. Some of them might even try to sell you something. Ignore.

Type #2 Those come from Goddamn Certified Trolls. Ignore: no matter what you do, you will NEVER satisfy them. Do not fucking engage with them.

Type #3 These come from magnificent, generous people who, somehow, decided to devote some time to read your words. They will provide useful feedback in the form of constructive criticism, AKA stuff that will help you become a better writer. Other times, they will expand on what you wrote, providing an angle you hadn’t considered or information you weren’t aware of. You will identify them because they will fucking make you think. Read, devour, try to get more, and make sure to thank them.

6. How do I connect with other writers?

Read their pieces. Comment only if you have something useful or kind to say. Promote their work not because you expect to get something out of them, but because their writing is fucking amazing, and the world needs to know about it.

7. How do I stop being afraid of people criticizing my writing? Or not reading it?

Why would you want to do that!? Listen carefully, kiddo: fear can be your friend.

Fear can be good.

Fear of being criticized will make you examine your sources, double-proof your writing, and check your formatting is on point.

Fear of no one reading will force you to understand SEO, look for merciless editors you can learn from, and avoid being complacent.

There’s only one thing worse than fear: paralysis.

It’s okay to be afraid, but it’s not cool to be paralyzed. When you are so terrified you stop trying, that’s when you know you are fucked.

So, shit your pants if you must, but keep on going, kiddo. Don’t you dare fucking stop.

And that’s it at the moment. That’s my fucking rant. Guess I should write a long takeaway paragraph to pad this post’s reading time, but I really have nothing else to add.

So, as for now, adiós, amigos, adiós…

I might see you on the next rant.