Summary

The website content discusses the nature of emotional pain, the process of coping with a broken heart, and the importance of accepting and living with suffering, emphasizing personal growth, compassion, and the potential for positive transformation through adversity.

Abstract

The article "Help For The Broken Hearted" offers a comprehensive perspective on the emotional and spiritual anguish that accompanies loss and heartache. It acknowledges that despite the acceptance of unwanted change, individuals may endure prolonged periods of suffering due to their inherent sensitivity and disposition. The piece explores various coping mechanisms, including lifestyle changes and the suppression of feelings, but ultimately advocates for an open-hearted acceptance of pain as a means to navigate through suffering. It suggests that emotional turmoil can lead to significant personal insights, a broader worldview, and even creative expression. The author emphasizes that suffering does not inherently damage individuals unless it is compounded by blame, anger, or negative self-judgment. Instead, maintaining an attitude of compassion, forgiveness, and openness can foster resilience, self-respect, and understanding towards oneself and others. The article encourages readers to embrace their vulnerabilities, allowing feelings to flow naturally, which can lead to healing and hope for the future.

Opinions

Emotional pain is an inevitable part of life that, when faced with openness and patience, can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper understanding of oneself and others.
Attempts to hide or escape from a broken heart through drastic changes are futile, as our true selves and desires will persistently resurface.
Fear of suffering is common, but with an open mind and heart, individuals can navigate through pain without succumbing to darkness or despair.
Suffering can expand one's emotional capacity, leading to increased acceptance, curiosity, and the ability to confront life's difficulties head-on.
Creative expression through art or music can be a constructive outlet for processing and transforming emotional pain.
Blame, anger, and negative self-judgment can exacerbate suffering and lead to harmful behaviors, while compassion and forgiveness foster personal power and effectiveness.
Self-compassion is crucial for mental health and enables individuals to love others unconditionally, free from judgment and conditions.
Accepting and feeling the full extent of one's pain is a sign of respect for the human experience and a step towards evolution and healing.
Patience and compassion for oneself and others are essential, as many individuals silently endure their own struggles and heartaches.

Help For The Broken Hearted

A wide angle view of spiritual pain, emotional suffering and loss. How to accept all of it.

When someone accepts a change that they really don’t want, it doesn’t alter the fact that the emotional pain of a situation can have a life of its own, and so a person may continue to suffer greatly for a long time, depending on their sensitivity and disposition.

People can remain broken-hearted for years on end, longing for someone or something that can never be. They can live out their misery in private or in public, or, they can pretend they don’t want what they do, and try and turn their back on it.

Hiding a Broken Heart

Some people decide to completely change their lifestyle, career, or where they live, or even the way they look, in order to ‘not recognize’ their broken heart, their feelings or their needs.

The trouble is, we are human, and, our true self keeps coming back — it’s that strong. As long as we can think and feel, we’re never going to be ‘free from desire’ or free of our natural dreaming and longing, no matter how much we try not to feel.

So we need to understand how to live with, and accept, pain, suffering and loss, whenever it comes to visit, and adapt to these situations. This may often seem impossible, but it really can be done, if we are truly patient, and care for ourselves in a consistently kind and gentle way.

Fear of Suffering

Most people are afraid of suffering, wondering where it will lead to and how much worse it will get, but fortunately, as long as we keep our minds and hearts open, emotional pain will never lead us into permanent darkness, or turmoil, and it wont kill us, even though it feels like it will.

This is hard to believe when you’re in the midst of intense suffering or grief, but it’s something that most people come to understand, in the fullness of time.

Spiritual Changes

Although we all feel pain and loss in our own unique way, in my experience, much is learned about life, human frailty, dependency and loneliness, through deep or long term suffering.

For example, our world view may become more accepting, or we may feel more emotionally ‘spacious’ and curious — able to deal with difficult aspects of life, and look them straight in the eye.

You can’t be brave, if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you — Mary Tyler Moore.

What happens to our emotional pain?

Eventually, emotional pain, suffering and loss will lead us to a new outlook; learning something about life, our own personality, or other people. Sometimes we change profoundly through it, but always we are safe in the process. Sensitive souls may become creative, and start expressing their feelings through art or music.

I also believe that, we cannot be ruined or shamed by suffering or loss, no matter how long our unwanted feelings persist, so we do not need to fear, avoid or deny them.

Openness

In difficult times, it’s best if we remain psychologically ‘open’ as far as possible. This means, we don’t try to mentally shut down, or ‘toughen up’ or become hardened to our feelings. Contrary to what some people believe, we need to become more gentle with our feelings, so that they become ligher and easier to process, and we can evolve in a natural way.

Are people damaged by suffering?

In my experience, people are only damaged by their own suffering, if it contains elements of blame, anger or negative judgment towards the self, other people or something else. This is where ugly behaviors can take shape.

If a suffering person is closed-minded or will not try to see things from a different viewpoint, they may remain in deep misery for a long time, and become bitter, cynical and self-pitying. Some people even become spiteful or cruel to others, if they cannot deal with their pain or accept the way life is.

Spiritual / Emotional Health

If we decide to only operate from a position of compassion, goodwill, openness and forgiveness towards ourselves and other people — no matter what; we can remain personally powerful, progressive and effective throughout life. We will know and enjoy self-respect, and understand what it means to be a ‘whole’ person.

Sometimes, kind and decent people that have suffered greatly, become more understanding and less judgmental of other people’s differences and behaviors. It makes them realise that human difficulties are rarely black and white and that none of us are perfectible.

For instance, we wont always learn from our mistakes, because we don’t clearly see our part in a problem, and our judgment is sometimes way off beam. In addition, many people have a hard time understanding their real motivations in the first place.

The Beauty of Compassion

From a compassionate point of view, people cannot be judged harshly or rejected for the mistakes they have made; they can only be understood.

Therefore, if we choose to love ourselves unconditionally, this is a massive step forward for personal esteem and good mental health. From this perspective, we may also love other people easily, despite their faults, because we know how to love and appreciate people — and leave conditions and judgments at the door.

Acceptance

By allowing ourselves to feel the full force of our pain and grief, we are respecting what it means to be human and to evolve, and we can’t be fairer or kinder to ourselves than that.

Just getting out of bed when you feel depressed, lonely, unloved and hopeless, is a big, positive step to be proud of. It’s also good to remember that, brave, helpful and beautiful qualities often grow out of suffering.

Hope for the Future

In emotional times, the benefit of allowing yourself to really be yourself and open up, is that your feelings are able to flow from your heart and life without disruption, so you are helping yourself to move forward through grief at your natural pace, and eventually towards hope.

Consideration for Others

I believe, it’s so important we have patience and compassion, for ourselves and other people, because, at any given moment, many are living through something really difficult, in a flood of tears or a broken heart, that no one else can see, or console.