avatarCharlene Ann Mildred

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Abstract

alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="b97c"><p>~ The Big Book, page 24.</p></blockquote><p id="2733">I mumbled something about doing more therapy sessions to stay in touch with my baseline feelings, but my new sponsor was having none of it.</p><p id="e1c9">‘This isn’t an emotional issue!’ he said, cutting in. ‘This is a memory issue that no amount of therapy you chose to throw money at will solve.’</p><p id="1800">He even suggested that the mental blank spot could be similar to a form of amnesia or dementia that science hasn’t picked up on yet.</p><p id="4ad6">‘But why hasn’t science picked up on it?’ I asked, holding the phone tightly.</p><p id="26fb">‘Probably because this blank spot only happens at certain times. Most of the time, it lays dormant.’ he replied before warning,</p><p id="337a">‘And unfortunately, this dormancy feature gives us an illusion of power. We think we’ve got sobriety now because our memory and willpower function normally again. Until, the condition randomly comes back online, and we relapse, leaving us totally baffled as to why it happened.’</p><p id="a3e9">My new sponsor sighed deeply.</p><p id="f455">‘It’s heartbreaking,’ he said softly. ‘Especially if you’ve relapsed after being multiple years clean. But it is sadly needed to show you that you are genuinely powerless, regardless of how much you desire and want to be sober.’</p><p id="969d">My head was spinning. Every sentence felt like the jolt of an electric cattle prod.</p><p id="8e0a">Later that day, I looked back at my recent relapses. I found no real conscious memory of consequences before any of them.</p><p id="352f">It appeared relapse was happening to me, not by me.</p><blockquote id="8aba"><p>As soon as I regained my ability to think, I went carefully over that evening in Washington. Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all. I had commenced to drink as carelessly as though the cocktails were ginger ale. I now remembered what my alcoholic friends had told me, how they prophesied that if I had an alcoholic mind, the time and place would come — I would drink again. They had said that though I did raise a defense, it would one day give way before some trivial reason for having a drink. Well, just that did happen and more, for what I had learned of alcoholism did not occur to me at all. I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge would not help in those strange mental blank spots. I had never been able to understand people who said that a problem had them hopelessly defeated. I knew then. It was a crushing blow.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="93f7"><p>~ The Big Book, page 41.</p></blockquote><figure id="7922"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*n4r4HuNFWSnCD_WU"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@alicealinari?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Alice Alinari</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&amp;utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><h2 id="287c">A Belief That It Will All Be Alright.</h2><p id="baea">Sadly, the ‘blank spot’ wasn’t all that was happening.</p><p id="7c3e">My new sponsor later explained that something else was happening in my mind, a kind of twisting of my thinking that I couldn’t see either.</p><p id="02a0">This is the other main feature of the relapse condition.</p><p id="da70">The Big Book explains it as follows:</p><blockquote id="f067"><p>But there was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning, there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="4ad8"><p>~ The Big Book, page 37.</p></blockquote><p id="da58">Anytime the ‘good idea’ of relapsing suddenly popped into my head, part of me would start to minimise the lunacy of this thought.</p><p id="e2c7">I would begin to rationalise this catastrophic idea with excuses and reasons why it would be, in fact, okay to relapse despite being in recovery.</p><p id="432a">No matter how insignificant and non-sensical those reasons were, they quickly became plausible and seemingly rational.</p><p id="6997">At the same time, the urge to want to relapse would start to surge.</p><p id="cdc4">A fear of missing out would relentlessly come crashing in like waves rolling in and out of my consciousness.</p><p id="b225">Thoughts and narratives of why it would be okay this time would dominate my thinking.</p><p id="fe2d">Finally, a tidal wave of justification would smother me into deep unconsciousness.</p><p id="c65b">Convinced of my rationale, I would carry out my plan, only to revert back to type and do everything I said I wouldn’t do, and again, find myself powerless to stop once I started.</p><p id="34a2">This twisted thinking was nothing more than a lie, but I believed the lie and didn’t see the flaw in the logic in light of my track record with partying.</p><p id="888a">To any average person, this kind of thinking and decision-making would be termed irrational, unsound, or even insa

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ne.</p><p id="d880">The Big Book calls this thinking an <i>‘obsession to beat the game’</i>.</p><p id="9087">Whether it’s a vague idea that this time it would be different, that I would do it differently and party like a gentleman.</p><p id="b075">Or the well-loved excuse that this will be my last relapse. After this final time, I’ll be done for good. I’ll get on with my life.</p><p id="be67">But, it never was different and that last time never did happen.</p><p id="149d">My new sponsor would remind me often,</p><p id="a62b" type="7">‘You aren’t changing your mind when you’ve decided to give in and party; your mind has been changed for you.’</p><h2 id="4c19">It Centers In Our Minds</h2><p id="f0e7">Of course, there is a body element for the addict.</p><p id="86b6">Naturally, as a consequence of the constant extreme usage of powerfully addictive substances and processes that are designed by their very nature to make you want more and more, addicts have developed a sky-high tolerance.</p><p id="2d70">But there’s this annihilation approach to our acting out and using once we start, which the Big Book describes as the <i>‘phenomenon of craving’</i>.</p><p id="01c2">In the Doctor’s opinion in the Big Book, Dr. Silkworth calls the phenomenon of craving an ‘allergy’, but my new sponsor wasn’t too keen on that idea.</p><p id="10af" type="7">‘If it’s an allergy, then why doesn’t the phenomenon of craving happen every time?’</p><p id="ae75">Regardless of whether it is an allergy, the body part becomes irrelevant, as most people with a severe peanut allergy don’t tend to keep repeating the total lost cause of trying to have another peanut to see if they will react differently.</p><p id="2e48">They don’t touch or go anywhere near peanuts because they remember how terrible it was last time.</p><p id="436a">Once or twice is enough.</p><p id="3796">Not so with the real addict because of the first two features of the disease; they will not only be back gorging on peanuts, but they will eventually take up residence in a peanut factory.</p><blockquote id="e3f6"><p>There is a complete failure of the kind of defence that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, “It won’t burn me this time, so here’s how!” Or perhaps he doesn’t think at all.</p></blockquote><blockquote id="d5e6"><p>~ The Big Book, page 24.</p></blockquote><p id="5cb9">That’s why the Big Book says the real problem ‘centers in our mind’, not our bodies.</p><p id="22d4">‘What will happen now,’ my new sponsor forewarned, ‘as the relapses get worse, the time between them will get shorter and shorter.’</p><p id="6f0b">This condition is progressive.</p><p id="e8f1">Therefore, the blanking and twisting will naturally grow in scope and reach until you can no longer differentiate the true from the false.</p><h2 id="869b">Turning To Something Else</h2><p id="922a">If you believe in the disease concept of addiction, that this is a disease, a fatal illness precisely like any other life-threatening condition, then you have it for life.</p><p id="a2d8">There is <b>nothing </b>you can do to change that.</p><p id="d5f6">If you constantly can’t remember why or how you relapsed despite your honest desire not to.</p><p id="9aaf">Or if you continually relapse, believing some trivial reason or silly excuse to relapse while dismissing the genuine consequences, then you are a real addict.</p><p id="a47a">You have this relapse condition.</p><p id="840d">You <b>crossed a threshold </b>where, at certain times, your inability to use reasoning and rational thinking won’t even register for you.</p><p id="d8c6">The tragic truth is that once that threshold has been crossed, you have <b>no choice</b> but to relapse.</p><p id="0564">A compromised part of your brain will always fire the thought of using or acting out. That will never change. It’s wired like that for life.</p><p id="5fb0">There is no cure.</p><p id="fcca">Even this information won’t save you, as at certain times, you won’t be able to recall any of it when it matters.</p><p id="7fc5">So, let go of trying to change that.</p><p id="59f9">Let go of any old ideas around fighting it and instead get out of the way and <b>trust in something else</b>.</p><p id="b722">After all, that’s all you’ve got.</p><p id="5065">There’s nothing you or anyone else can do to stop this relapse condition.</p><p id="d1dd">But there’s everything you can do about everything else.</p><p id="5e51">There’s everything you can do about building a <b>spiritual dimension</b> to your life, by giving back, helping others, living in genuine faith and trusting in something greater than you.</p><p id="3096">There’s everything you can do to improve your awareness and intuition, raise your consciousness and develop another part of your brain.</p><p id="7598">And let this part of your brain grow bigger and stronger than that addictive part so that it can embrace and look after that compromised part.</p><p id="d2e3">Just like a bigger and wiser older sibling can care for and comfort a much younger upset sibling by giving that stressed child a big hug.</p><p id="da93">There’s everything you can do about deciding to take on a new attitude, direction, and way of life that will keep this condition dormant one day at a time.</p><p id="e415">If this article speaks to you, please follow, share and subscribe to me for more.</p><p id="fc50">Click <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDarrenJames">here</a> to follow me on <a href="https://twitter.com/TheDarrenJames">X</a>.</p></article></body>

Heal Your Heart and Mind through Expressive Words

Crafting your narrative to reclaim your spirit

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/happy-young-ethnic-woman-writing-article-in-cozy-workplace-4350173/

Did you know your words have power? Not just to communicate but to heal, transform, and inspire — you and others. Welcome to the enchanting world of writing as therapy. It’s an art form, an elixir, and a tool for self-growth, all rolled into one. Let’s discover how penning down your thoughts can lead to self-discovery, healing, and peace.

Writing to Navigate Trauma and Loss

Trauma and loss are complex experiences that can be hard to express verbally. Writing provides a non-threatening avenue to process these intense emotions at our own pace. From the initial disbelief to the eventual acceptance, writing can be a guide through the labyrinth of grief, helping us navigate the winding path of healing.

Expressing traumatic experiences helps us reframe our narrative, shifting from a victim’s perspective to a survivor’s. It’s not about erasing the scars, but embracing them, acknowledging the pain, yet celebrating the strength that brought us through.

Write to Breath, Breathe to Write

Writing isn’t merely an act of creating sentences; it’s an act of breathing life into your feelings, thoughts, and experiences. This form of self-expression can be your sanctuary, where you can be your true self without fear of judgment.

In the humdrum of life, our thoughts often take a backseat, leading to a cluttered mind. Writing allows you to organize these thoughts, alleviating mental congestion and creating space for clarity and peace.

When we write, we consciously engage with our thoughts, enabling us to process our emotions better. In essence, writing is an act of self-awareness. By turning inwards and exploring our inner landscape, we open doors to profound healing.

The Science Behind Writing as Therapy

Several studies back the therapeutic benefits of writing. Research by Dr. James Pennebaker of the University of Texas revealed that expressive writing could improve mental and physical health. Participants who wrote about their deepest thoughts and feelings for 15–20 minutes over four consecutive days showed significant improvement in their overall well-being.

The theory is that expressive writing helps in regulating emotions. It reduces the intensity of negative feelings, reducing stress, anxiety, and depression. Furthermore, writing provides a safe space for confronting and understanding traumatic experiences, promoting healing and resilience.

Reaping the Benefits: Where to Start?

Embarking on a therapeutic writing journey doesn’t require you to be the next Hemingway. This practice concerns authenticity and introspection, not perfect grammar or eloquent prose.

Journaling: One of the most popular forms of therapeutic writing is journaling. A journal is your private space, a silent confidante where you can pour your heart out without inhibition. You can write about your day, feelings, dreams, or even doodle if words escape you.

Letters: Write a letter to yourself, your past self, future self, or even someone else (you don’t need to send it). This technique can be cathartic and is a great way to forgive, express gratitude, or say goodbye.

Prompted Writing: If you’re unsure what to write about, using prompts can be helpful. Prompts like “Things I need to let go of,” “My happiest memory,” or “What I’m grateful for today” can trigger introspection.

Free Writing: Write without constraints; let your thoughts flow freely onto the paper. It’s like a mental purge, cleansing your mind of thoughts and emotions that were lying dormant.

A Journey of Self-Discovery

While the healing aspects of writing are substantial, remember that it’s also a journey of self-discovery. Through writing, we understand ourselves better, identify patterns in our behavior, and gain insights into our beliefs and values. It’s like unearthing a treasure chest of self-knowledge hidden within us all along.

This newfound self-awareness can lead to significant personal growth. It helps us break free from unhealthy patterns, fosters self-acceptance and encourages cultivating positive habits. When we see our reality for what it is, we can start.

We are making conscious choices to improve our lives.

Sharing Your Journey: When and How

While writing as therapy is personal, sharing your writing can be a profound experience. It can foster empathy, comfort others going through similar experiences, and help you feel less alone.

Sharing doesn’t mean publishing a book or a blog (though it can if you wish). It can be as simple as reading your words to a trusted friend or joining a writing group. Remember, it’s not about seeking validation but about connection, empathy, and understanding.

A Note of Caution

Writing as therapy can bring up intense emotions and past traumas. If you’re dealing with severe mental health issues, ensure you’re under professional guidance while using writing as a therapeutic tool. Remember, it’s okay to seek help, and it’s okay to stop if it becomes overwhelming.

Write Your Path to Healing

Think of your words as a soft, healing light, gently illuminating the dark corners of your heart and mind. Let them flow, let them heal, let them set you free. So, pick up that pen, open that laptop, and embark on your therapeutic writing journey today.

Writing as therapy is not about writing the perfect story; it’s about writing your story. Remember, the most profound stories are not those that are perfectly woven with eloquent words but those that are drenched in raw, unfiltered emotions and truths.

When you write to heal, every word becomes a stitch, mending the wounds of the past and the anxieties of the future, crafting a tapestry of resilience and peace. Let’s heal through the power of words, one sentence at a time.

Thanks for taking the time to read. I’d like to hear your perspective.

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