He Sabotaged Our Day Away
It didn’t even get started
I’ve been bugging him to go away for a long time. It’s always something. There is always a reason why he won’t make the effort or take the time to be with me alone. Usually, it’s about cost. He has no problem spending $900 to buy two oculuses (oculi?) for the kids or $600 on a smoker, but spending $150 for a hotel and another $100 for dinner with his wife is too much to spend.
Something had happened over the weekend. I saw him send a picture on Facebook to a lady friend, and I questioned it. Yes, I’m the one cheating, but I’m not cheating because I no longer want him or love him. It’s quite the opposite. I’m cheating because he won’t give me the time of day. I crave his touch, his attention, his passion. He has no time for me but will find a way to answer every single one of his 5000, mostly female friends who messages him or comments on Facebook.
I got mad because he refused to show me the messages. I don’t understand why, other than if he’s being inappropriate with her, he would categorically prohibit me from looking at them.
After the fight, when we got home, he brought me to the bedroom and undressed me. He suddenly was attentive and spent an hour caressing me and pleasuring me. It had been quite some time since the last time his tongue touched my lips, my thighs, my clit. He does that so well. But I know he was at it only to shut me up, to keep me quiet, to silence me about the incident. I took the bribe.
After we were done, he told me to book a hotel for today. We were going to go an hour away, without the kids, and spend the night, eat good food and reconnect. You don’t understand. I live for moments like this where my narcissist makes me his queen like he used to. I’m so pathetic. He went to sleep, then got up to go do his graveyard shift.
When he got home from work, the ego was out in full force. We went for a walk, and the conversation took a nasty turn rather quickly. I was upset about something that had happened with my son the night before, and my tone may not have been the best, but I made sure to tell him I wasn’t mad at him, I was mad at the situation, and the frustration was not directed at him, but I just needed to vent. Who else am I supposed to vent to if not my husband?
Here’s what followed:
Me: Hotels are super pricey, do you want to go camping instead? We could then go kayaking the next day.
Him: No way. I need a bed. And I don’t want to kayak only with you. I like kayaking with the kids. I like you for sex, not for kayaking.
Me: Well, that’s nice. Forget it then. I’ll just take a regular hotel room.
Him: No jacuzzi?
Me: The jacuzzi room is over $200.
Him: So we’re gonna spend $150 for a regular room for the same bed we have at home? Might as well just bone at home.
Me-getting upset: But it’s away from the kids, and away from home, that’s the whole point. Same with kayaking. I just thought it’d be nice to have some time together without any interruption and where we can just be with each other. But apparently, doing anything with me is not enjoyable for you.
Him: I just don’t think kayaking is a couple think. Do couples do that?
Me: Yes, they do. Forget about it.
Him: No, no, it’s ok, we’ll go.
A few moments of silence went by.
Him: But if we go, I don’t want you to spend the night interrogating and harassing me.
Me: Two things. I’m your damn wife. Me questioning something you do is not an interrogation, and pressing for an answer when you don’t answer is not harassment. I have a right to do that. Two, I had no intention of bringing this up.
Him: yeah, that response says otherwise, you’re showing your true intentions, I’m not interested in being bullied all night.
Me: How is that showing my true intention? I’m clearly telling you I had no desire to bring this up.
Him: Aww, Bullshit! Your answer said it all. I’m not interested. You’re in a bad mood, you’re exploding.
Me: Here you go, sabotaging it all. Of course, I’m fucking exploding. If you shake a bottle of seven up real good, don’t be surprised when it blows up in our face! You’re doing everything you can to rattle me. Just forget it!
See how he took this entire situation and manipulated me to get what he wanted in the first place? He never had the intention to invest in us. He just made me believe he did, then found a way to fuck it up and blame me for the whole fiasco.
I am reading the book “Becoming The Narcissist’s Nightmare” by Shahida Arabi. It is eye-opening. I’m looking at things that happened in the past and realizing just home much he’s made me doubt my reality. And I’m terrified because I can’t leave. I won’t leave. I won’t let him twist my kids’ minds into believing I’m the narcissist. I won’t let him turn them against me.
I feel so isolated. Isn’t isolation the best tool narcissists have in their toolbox? Do you have experience with narcissists? I’d love to get your input. Is there a way to survive this while staying in it?
Thank God for my potential lover, MM.
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