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ee and eggs at breakfast.</p><p id="c184">Smart woman.</p><p id="d50c"><b><i>More from Kiki Wellington:</i></b></p><div id="6003" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/salt-bae-put-his-meat-in-my-mouth-and-all-i-got-were-these-lousy-blood-pressure-pills-dabdee7974c6"> <div> <div> <h2>Salt Bae Put His Meat in My Mouth and All I Got Were These Lousy Blood Pressure Pills</h2> <div><h3>It was medium, it was raw, and it was rare</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*HrjYC3j3-Fnk-IdaSVEanA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="232a" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/hard-boiled-eggs-adventures-in-being-a-telephone-sex-operator-ba6267dd0f95"> <div> <div> <h2>To the One Who

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Shoved Hard Boiled Eggs Up His Rectum</h2> <div><h3>No buts about it, your ass play weirded me out</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*lnjtxf2jduVzYdUY)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="59d0" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/quickie-why-your-uber-eats-deliveries-smell-like-sex-b278ce309d5f"> <div> <div> <h2>Quickie: Why Your Uber Eats Deliveries Smell Like Sex</h2> <div><h3>They may smell like piss too</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*DTCiSRR0HSj1PxcEUotLLQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

He got off by shoving hard boiled eggs up his ass.

Photo by VitalikRadko on DepositPhotos

Long before people needed to refinance their homes to buy a dozen eggs, long before hens sported Gucci bags in their pens thanks to their ill-gotten gains, he was sticking incredible inedible eggs where the sun doesn’t shine for sexual pleasure. Otherwise, he was telling me about his coffee enemas in excruciatingly constipated detail.

This is the occupational hazard of the phone sex operator, and he tested the limits of my patience, and my stomach, every time he called. He said his wife wouldn’t indulge his fetishes — seems that she only wanted her coffee and eggs at breakfast.

Smart woman.

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