Having You For The First Time

The deepest connection I’ve ever experienced.

The first time you make love to me, you aren’t a bit hesitant. You’re not shy, awkward, or bumbling. Maybe you do struggle with feeling anxious. Maybe you tremble inside as I do. But if so, you hide it well.

Where do you get your confidence and control? And can I have some?

If you have any nerves at all, they don’t show — just your desire for my shows. I’ve never felt more desired by anyone than I do by you, and I can’t seem to get used to that.

Before this night, we’d connected physically in other ways. What we’ll fondly refer to as “not sex,” was actually pretty fucking sexual from what I remember of our first date. How intensely you brought me to orgasm after talking for hours at a wine bar, your head buried between my thighs, your soft blue hair in my grasp.

And by this point, I’m well aware of how good it feels to take your cock in my mouth until you’re shaking with raw, desperate pleasure. Until you groan in relief before you fall over the edge and cum down my throat.

That first time I got on my knees and sucked you dry — I agree with your description of it. It did feel almost spiritual. I love how you guide me with your hands gripping my hair. How you aren’t afraid to fuck my mouth. How you instruct me to lock eyes with yours while I’m taking all of you in.

But this will be our first time with you inside me, connected that much more closely.

Do you have any insecurities at all? Your personality is strong, but at the same time, so caring and patient. And that’s what I need more often than I’d like to admit: a little push and a vote of confidence from you, for good measure.

Freedom From Self-Loathing

For our first time together (and probably time and time again afterward), I worry about feeling good enough for you. Tight enough. Wet enough. Pleasing enough.

For years my body felt broken when it came to satisfying my husband. He wasn’t as attracted to this curvier, older me, I don’t think. It zapped my confidence and confirmed that I’d lost my emotional battle with drinking and depression by letting myself go.

So in the moments leading up to you entering me, I spend a lot of mental energy hoping it’s not actually me that’s the problem.

Fortunately, I get these little moments of freedom when I’m with you, naked on the bed. Moments when all of the insecurity retreats to the back of my mind because I’m too busy feeling how badly you want me.

You feed me a drunken, mind-fuck kind of energy that’s palpable. And it’s mutual. I can see it in your eyes and read it all over your face and feel it in your body language.

Before you fuck me, I wrap my hand around the base of your cock and take it slowly between my lips. I can’t fit all of you in my mouth when you get this hard, and I’m doing my very best not to choke.

Sometimes you fuck my face until I gag and my eyes water — and although I can only take so much of that, it’s a thrill for me. The extreme passion of you losing control in that way matches the level of passion I feel for you as a whole.

Working you with my mouth, my lips gliding down the length of your cock and back up, over and over again — it doesn’t take long before you tell me you’re going to cum. I immediately stop what I’m doing and crawl up your body.

Addicted to Your Gentle and Dominate Nature

I so desperately want you in me. I need it. I’ve had to wait far too long.

I want to look in your eyes while you drive your cock as deep as you possibly can. I want to bring you closer to the edge with every thrust of my hips into yours. I want my ears near your lips to better hear every noise you make. I want to kiss you when you find your release and feel your weight on top of me after you finish.

You help shift me into position beneath you and open my legs, lining your body up with mine.

I love when you control me and guide my movements. I love when you place me where you want me to be for your best pleasure — and mine.

I’m addicted to your gentle and perfectly dominant nature.

I’m so strongly attracted to it that it scares me sometimes. I can’t get enough of you, and I know it will hurt when you stop feeling this strongly for me — when I stop being new to you…

Even so, I can’t get over how everything you decide to do feels so right. We’re so compatible it’s almost eerie. And insanely arousing.

Connection, Finally

When you push yourself inside of me, I feel a sense of relief. I needed to connect with you as intimately as I could, and this is it for me.

I can’t explain it. I can’t even orgasm from it (that I know of). As far as I know, I can only do that when you pleasure me with your mouth or your hands or a toy.

But this — being connected to you in this way — I need it. I feel like I’m falling — sinking into the bed or into some other world while you penetrate my body and mind at the same time.

I get that “falling” feeling around you all the time, by the way. It can be because you’re fucking me. Or just kissing me. Or even just touching me a certain way.

I can become so overwhelmed by the heady combination of lust mixed with emotion that I get lost. I go somewhere else. I get so high on you that you can basically astral project my soul onto some other plane of existence for a brief moment…Not to be dramatic.

And you bring me back when you tell me to look at you.

Fuck, I love that so much. I love you.

I love every thrust as you pound into me and I clench my thighs around you.

I love the feel of your hair when it brushes my skin and I love pushing it out of your eyes so I can see them better.

I love curling my fingers in the hair at the back of your head and tugging it, watching you react to how good it makes you feel.

I love feeling your body tense up, your arms tighten their hold on me, as you get close.

I love hearing you get louder. Your voice vibrates inside of me. Your wild and uncontrolled breathing as I wrap my legs around your body and throw my head back is intoxicating.

You get the loudest just before you cum inside me. I watch your face contort with pleasure — I don’t want to miss a second of it. I feel the warmth as you drain every ounce of your orgasm inside me. It’s not just warm between my thighs, however; I’m warm all over.

How Do I Deserve This Kind of Love?

I can’t let go of you after. Not just yet. I feel ecstasy when you are in me. When you are near me. When you talk to me.

It takes us both a moment to come down. When you pull out of me, I feel your pleasure dripping from my cunt and down my inner thigh until it’s absorbed by the fluffy white blankets around us.

We’re in a cloud I never want to leave as you pull me onto your chest and tell me to snuggle up against you.

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