Having An Affair to Bring About the End of a Relationship Is Cowardly
Are exit affairs always unfair?
Sometimes you know your relationship is over, but you don’t really know how to go about ending it. On the surface, an exit affair seems to be the most convenient excuse to avoid confronting the painful truth that what started as an amazing journey together slowly is fading away.
Is having an exit affair the easiest way out of a dead relationship?
Exit affairs distract from exploring and discussing long-simmering relationship issues while simultaneously underscoring the end of the relationship. Furthermore, affairs are not unusual. Up to 40% of married couples are impacted by infidelity, yet most of us take a clear stance when it comes to having an affair. We condemn it.
An affair is a way to get out of the relationship.
Because many of us condemn having an affair, usually, people go through great lengths to conceal the affair — even going as far as denying the affair ever happened. When someone has an exit affair being afraid of what the partner might do when the affair is discovered isn’t a priority. Quite on the contrary, the affair becomes a means of bringing the partnership to an end.
Exit affairs are strategic.
It’s almost as if there’s a desire to be discovered because it would bring things ahead. Typically, the partner cheated on is clueless until the affair is exposed. Basically, an exit affair is a mixture of an affair and a separation action all in one move. For the person who was cheated on, the feeling of being dumped and betrayed at the same time is particularly heartbreaking.
With exit affairs, pain and stress can be significantly higher as the pain of infidelity is multiplied by the grief of being replaced. In any way, the relationship is beyond repair. The partner cheated on leaves promptly, and the cheater can assume that the relationship could not be saved and the affair sort of just happened.
Exit affairs are an emotional camouflage.
Occurring shortly before imminent separation, they seem to be a convenient explanation for the relationship’s failure. The truth, however, is that the relationship has been irreconcilably broken down before the affair. By design, the affair is the final stroke.
If you already know that your partner had an affair to get away from you, you won’t have much of a choice. Even if your partner is eager to terminate your marriage, it does not imply you are. As mentioned before, it is all the more painful to know that the basis for a monogamous relationship was completely ignored. Still, on top of that, another person entered the picture taking your place.
I don’t think it makes sense to think about your own mistakes or win back your partner. He has made it very clear with his actions that the relationship has no future. The difficult thing is to come to terms with the facts and rebuild a future for yourself.
Imagine a future living your best life.
If we are honest with ourselves, then we know sooner than we would like when a relationship is no longer working and is actually already over. So, for example, maybe you no longer have the same pleasure to do something with your partner, or your partner is withdrawing more and more, and you don’t know exactly where you stand.
These signs also mean that we are slowly detaching ourselves from the relationship — probably not with an affair, but differently. We start to look more at ourselves and figure out what we need. An exit affair is an actual abrupt end, one that leaves no other option open. Still, after some time, it can also be an opportunity.
When it is over, so it is over. The goal has to be to deal with yourself and re-approach life and figure out what you really want out of it. And do it alone. Neither does it make sense to waste your time looking up the affair your ex had, nor to reminisce about past times. Because that hurts even more and is not fair.
An exit affair is not fair. It is a means to finalize the end. An end that has been looming for a long time. Making the best out of this unfortunate situation means pushing forward working on your future.
If there’s one thing I know about love, it’s that it’s not fair. I think it’s about making the best of the circumstances for yourself at all times.
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