“Have You Eaten?”

Summary

The author describes the challenges and emotional toll of caring for a terminally ill family member, emphasizing the importance of being asked about personal well-being, specifically if one has eaten, as a sign of genuine care.

Abstract

The personal essay titled "Have You Eaten?" recounts the author's experience in caring for their invalid mother-in-law, a demanding and relentless task that leaves little time for self-care. The author and their spouse take turns providing round-the-clock care, dealing with the physical and emotional demands of the situation. Amidst this hectic and often thankless routine, a simple question from a close cousin—"Have you eaten?"—stands out as a profound expression of concern and love. The author reflects on the significance of this question, contrasting it with other superficial inquiries people might make. The essay underscores the need for self-care and the impact of a caring question on someone overwhelmed with caring for others.

Opinions

The author views the act of asking "Have you eaten?" as a deeply caring and personal gesture, far more meaningful than routine or impersonal inquiries.
Caring for a sick family member is depicted as an exhausting and underappreciated task that can consume all of one's time and energy.
The author suggests that people often neglect their own needs while caring for others, and it takes someone close to remind them to look after themselves.
There is an underlying sentiment that expressions of concern should focus on the caregiver's well-being, not just the condition of the person being cared for.
The essay implies that acts of love and care, such as ensuring someone has eaten, are more important than formal observances like Valentine's Day.

A Personal Essay

“Have you eaten?” she asked me, and I nearly turned into mush.

We had been taking care of my mother-in-law, who was a complete invalid, since September. There was no time, even to breathe, on some days. Life was hectic. And only those who have been in a similar position know what it was like. My husband and I took shifts; he stayed up, half asleep, half awake, till 4 am, or thereabouts. After that, I took over, and he tried to catch up on sleep.

It was both exhausting and thankless but we had no choice. Very often, both of us had to mop up the floor and change soiled bed sheets once every two or three hours. Or hold my mother-in-law and soothe her to sleep, or quietness, as she shrieked in anguish, in the dead of night, at some half-remembered dream, in her poor disintegrating mind.

People called up from time to time, some officious, with instructions on what to do, and how to do it, others, concerned and worried, wanting to know how my mother-in-law was.

But it takes someone very, very close to us who will bother to ask, “I know you are busy, but have you eaten?”

This was my cousin who lives in Vashi, someone very close to me and my brother. In fact, she was the person who jumped into the private pond we had in our ancestral house to rescue my brother, who was born naughty, and has not altered since. He had wanted to see, probably, whether he would float or sink. He must have been four or five years old.

Thing is, we do ALL the work for everyone eles but do we care for ourselves just as much? Sometimes, feeding ourselves, is the last priority. But when someone cares enough about us to ask, “Have you eaten?”, it tells us more than anything else how much he or she cares about us.

So, when you inquire about the well-being of people, ask them, like my cousin did , “Have you eaten?” Not, “Are there any positive cases in your neighbourhood?” Or “Are shops open near your house?” Or “Did you watch the 9 pm news?” Or “Are your spouse and children alright?” “Have you taken the booster dose?”

Ask them all these questions, if you must, but also ask them, “Have you eaten?”

If you have people in your life, either family or friends, who are so busy caring for others that they have no time for themselves, ask them, “Have you eaten?”

And to you, reading this, I ask,

“Have you eaten?”

For Valentine Days may come and go, but love should go on forever.