SATIRE
Hard Megxit or Soft Megxit? — No Sleep for the Royal Family
The remaining senior members of the Royal Family held an emergency summit last night. They finally got to bed at 3 a.m. I was lucky enough to be a fly on the wall. It wasn’t pleasant.
Attendees:-
- Very cross Queen
- Grumpy consort (Grand Master Prince Philip)
- Candid Charles (next in line to inherit his son’s mess)
- Willing Wills (the Perfect Prince)
- Hasty Harry.
Queen:- What exactly does “step back” from your royal duties mean?
Harry:- We want to take it easy. Choose our favorite ones and then spend the rest of the time traveling between Canada and the UK.
Phillip:- I suppose you will take a “zero-carbon” racing yacht just like Greta. Hope Archie doesn’t get seasick…
Charles:- No, it is not such a bad idea… it will take ages, keep Harry and Meghan out of mischief and help save the environment.
(Charles was fondly thinking of all those “black spider memos” where he could whine to his heart’s content. Those were the days when he could fire all those memos to MPs whose hands shook as they read them. Anything from herbal medicine, homeopathy, Lynx helicopters, albatrosses, dry stone walls, and badger culls. The heir to the throne needed to make his presence felt while waiting for his Mum to pop off.)
Wills:- Look, Harry, you can’t have your cake and eat it. You want all your Royal titles and privileges, posh accommodation, security and do hardly anything in return. It means Kate and I will have to do everything.
Harry.- Yeah…. That’s the soft Megxit. Meghan and I are quite keen on that one. Why don’t you get your kids to do more? Spoiled little brats. George and Charlotte are already adored. George could leave school early and open a kindergarten or two.
Queen. Don’t be ridiculous! Why don’t we talk about what a hard Megxit actually means and what will be a workable solution?
The three Corgis (Windsy (Windsor), Sandy (Sandringham) and Balmy (Balmoral) all started yapping.
Queen snapped
Charles barked
Wills growled
Harry snarled
Philip smirked.
(Philip was thinking of all the fuss made about his “racist” gaffes. They were just jokes but now he had to be very careful when his grandson’s dame was a “mixed-race woman”. Ridiculous! He thought fondly of when he said to those poor British students in China, “You’ll get slitty eyes if you stay too long.” Honestly, when you are 98, why can’t you say what you like?)
Charles:- A hard Megxit simply means you will have to stand on your own six feet (3x2=6 for the mathematically challenged). No more revenues from the Duchy of Cornwall. You might have to pawn your mother’s jewels and we could rent you Frogmore Cottage when you decide to come twice a year but you will have to pay a year’s rent plus a sizable deposit.
Harry:- Let us think about it. I’ll phone Meghan.
Queen:- It’s beginning to look like a hard Megxit. She managed a tight smile. Oh Charles, what was the name of those homeopathic drops you always take to help you sleep? I will need a double dose tonight!
Charles:- It’s called Arsenicum album, Mum.
(He was tempted to smirk but maintained a stiff upper lip)
