Satire
Group Denies Existence of Whole Continent
“Australia is fake,” says Flat Earthers
Apparently, I am an employee of the UK Government.
All this time I thought I was an Australian, but I have discovered recently that I am actually an employee of the British Government (or is it the US Government?), helping fool billions around the world that Australia is actually a real country.
This was brought to light to me by a very good friend who made the discovery on Facebook. Of course, she messaged me with the news straight away, knowing that I claimed to be Australian.
It seems that the whole idea of the world being a globe is a conspiracy theory paid for by the UK Government. Or wait, is it the US Government? Some government, somewhere, is making up a whole continent. Complete with weird and wonderful animals. And 25 million people.
As to why they would be doing this is unclear but rumors have been circulating that it is a massive cover-up of mass-murder by the UK Government. Instead of sending convicts to Australia, they apparently just threw them off the edge of the world and invented the concept of Australia to protect themselves.
It seems a bit of overkill really, as the death penalty surely would have been enough. But not so, according to Flat Earthers.
Or maybe it’s NASA who is prolonging this idea to ensure everyone thinks the earth is round?
Does this mean that I have a big fat bank account in the UK or US somewhere from my 40+ years of being a secret secret-agent?!
“It is common knowledge that anyone with an Australian accent is being paid by the government,” whispered an anonymous source from the Society.
According to this source, anyone who has traveled to Australia has actually been taken “somewhere else in the world” because even the pilots are in on it.
It seems it’s a case of, “if you haven’t seen it in real life, it doesn’t exist,” yet if you have been there, you were actually somewhere else… at the edge of the world… where the giant ice wall is… (starting to sound very Game of Thrones now!).
So apparently I am an actor. Being paid by a government (not Australia’s, obviously!). My entire family are also actors. Being paid. And the country I thought I lived in and grew up in, is actually somewhere else. I am not sure where this somewhere else is. An island maybe? Near Australia? Or the giant ice wall?
I am off on a plane tomorrow. To somewhere else, apparently. Because the ticket says Australia.
Wish me luck!
~thanks for reading~
Lisa is an Australian. Well, she thought she was. Maybe she should start looking for that big bank account….
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